I am Legend

I have been keeping notes all week of things to tell you but the list is massive so I'm going to break it down a bit if I can. I have all the time in the world to write but I'm conscious that most of you still have real jobs to do. 

SCARIES .. lets start with this. 

Have you seen the film I am Legend? With Will Smith? If you haven't you need too because I turn into him when its dusk (not literally turn into him but if you've seen the film you'll understand) 

I can be happy as Larry or happy as Bob in the day occasionally (every few minutes) scouring the room for scaries (living in a house where everything is white and having no furniture but 2 camping chairs, 4 bars stools and 4 airbeds I see EVERYTHING) Come dusk I'm literally climbing the walls in fright. 

The first night here going to bed walk past the laundry room and see a 6' shadow lurking, turn the light on its a cricket. Calmly call Sean who meanders down and says 'yup that's a cricket' and then turns to me and shrugs. 

We then have a 10 minute discussion whilst trying to not to alarm the kids of the intruder whether to save its life or to end it.

Anyway Sean goes and gets a box while ordering me to stand and watch... comes back with said box and promptly tries to scoop it up. The cricket does what its supposed to and jumps from the box, making Sean jump, making me shriek, making Charlotte come out of her room and quietly ask "is it a spider" I reassure her its not several hundred times and send her back to the her airbed. 

Sean then re scoops and eventually gets cricket in the box and out the side door. Panic over. I then cover the bottom of the door with several boxes to keep other things wandering in. But now every time I pass the laundry room I'm expecting things to be in there that shouldn't. 

Sean then quickly consults google and announces yup that was a cricket and to not worry it wasn't deadly. But then what does google know. 

To get us back for evicting him the cricket has obviously rounded up all his mates and they sit outside our bedroom window all night and sound like blummin vuvuzela's.. I'm not kidding either. Sigh.

I've even convinced myself that the dead tops of grass plants that have blown off are indeed huntsmen and naturally out to get me. I even avoid walking along side of a tree and a wall in case there are webs that I might become encased in. This only plus to this is that by the time I've reached the bottom of the road I've completed my 10,000 steps for the day, bad news it takes me 4 times as long to get anywhere. I tried walking down the road karate kids style but then realised I look a bit special. 

Talking of special remember the wooden / plastic figure you used to get that the limbs are all attached with elastic? They sit on a base that you push up and you can get them doing all sorts of stupid moves? Ringing any bells... well imagine that but imagine 4 people doing that in broad daylight at a natural swimming reserve. Honestly the flies were unbelievable. Legs were flinging in all directions arms spasming all over the place. Again not a good look. Promptly left that place and went to another swimming place. Which has a nudist area WHICH is not clearly signposted. We rock up and we can either go left for beach or right for rock pools. Luckily we avoided any nakedness and went to the beach side. thankfully no flies here just crocodiles (only joking). 

Before leaving the place with the flies whilst walking back to the car Sean quietly announces "snake" Shrieks and hysterics from all but him and Ob saying 'cool, where' .... to find out no it was no snake just a Lizard. 

And then he wonders why I become Will Smith at night. GRRRR. 

Saw 2 roo's fighting on the way to dropping off Sean last week which was very funny and pretty cool. They prefer the cooler temps so early morning and evening are the best time to see them. We're gonna take a mooch out tonight to see them and get some pics. 

2 people this week that Sean works with have had snakes in their house deadly ones too may I say. One bloke from Sydney and the other lady who lives in the sticks so kinda expected. Anyway I beat them all because I had a bird in the house. We've been lent a fridge by someone Sean works with and when we we off loading it some how a bird got in. Luckily for us the native Australian took care of it and saw it off the premises. 

Right as the subject says listening to music is bad for cyclists... 

Thought I'd go for a mooch today and wander up to Gungahlin centre its only a 45 minute walk and it's quite over cast today so far so very do-able. I'm obviously singing quite a bit louder than I thought I was because on pronouncing "gangnam style" I see a cyclist swerve and say "holy Christ" oops says I and promptly giggles. Thank goodness I wasn't singing hot chocolates 'you sexy thing' or Joe Cocker "you are so beautiful" 

Have I mentioned the terrible fashion here?? Well its bad, very bad. I cannot even lie and say its a bit good because its not. And the shoes well that's just down right insulting. Thank goodness for over seas shipping.

And what else is not good well in a way it is... the donuts, not a patch on Salisbury's and also caramel shortbread is not caramel shortbread. Here is has a coconut bottom. WRONG it should be like its says on the tin SHORTBREAD. 

Hurry up recipe books I need you! 

I'm still not friend with the supermarkets if you're interested but now have realised that anything you want IS BY THE FRUIT. As I'm aimlessly walking around looking for wine at 9am in the morning quite apt that "the going gets tough" (by Billy Joel is it?) is playing loudly above me, followed by 'everything's going to be alright' by East 17. 

Quite fitting really and made me giggle. Whilst buying 2 boxes of 4 litre red and white wine... (its practically law here to drink.. the massive fridge we've borrowed is actually someones beer fridge, yes they have a beer fridge oh and a wine one and presumably a food one!) 

Had a strange TX in the week that read like this.. bear in mind there are only 3 people that have my Australian number so a little jolt of excited-ness did creep up when seeing an unfamiliar number ...

EHBHS : Your son Harry Nguyen was marked absent from school 16/02/2015.

I know the kids have some weird nick names and are called every other name but the one they were born with but seriously even I couldn't make THAT surname up. 

It does appear that little Harry is absent again this week. Naughty naughty. 

Took the kids for a milkshake last week (coffee guru- does the most amazing caramel espresso frappe) and offer them a cake. Owen asks for a muffin, Charlotte asks me for ... which in turn I ask the guy behind the counter... wait for it.... 

'Can I also have a melting vanilla moment' as soon as I'd said it I heard what I'd asked for. Several snigger's from people behind and a snort from the guy serving me who then states 'I'll bring it over' 

Ob then points out its not even called that but just a simple vanilla cookie. Thanks Charlotte!!! 

Another incident in a different guru (bit of a pattern here but trust me I'm not always at guru although I was today... purely for a rest you see... i did walk 45 minutes just to get to town, I deserved a coffee) Me and Ob sat outside when a mahoosive magpie sits about 2 feet away from us, we have been warned that they attack in breeding season (2 weeks in October) which makes no difference to me in my eyes that thing wanted to steal my young (Ob who is nearly as tall as me but that's not the point) and take my caramel espresso frappe so on the count of 3 we literally ran inside. The manger then came over and rather quietly said 'you're ok' yeah right We are now because we're inside mister. 

I then asked hm for a job because they were advertising and thought I like coffee so why not. He asked if I had any experience I said no told him a brief history of work and he said "you're too over qualified" I literally went home skipping. 

I am supposed to be looking for jobs... Or that's what I told Sean, eeek. I did register to seek last week but then got a million emails offering me stupid jobs like pig farming and construction so added seek to my spam list of senders and shut the laptop down. 

Right peeps I'm actually going to go, walk around the empty house again scanning for scaries, really not sure what I'm going to do if i find one then have a sit on my decking

Second week down under

Hey guys. 

Well 2 weeks down under and here's the news.... 

Hope you're sitting comfy?! 

Firstly 

Missing all of you very much so please pack your cases and get over here. 

Secondly can anyone please tell me why I'm having so much trouble with this damn washing machine. 

Everything is coming out covered in fluff and a tea towel came out dry yesterday. I kid you not. 

If i remember I'll attached a pic of the offending machine. 

And also the tumble drier while we're at it a complete nightmare too. The button keeps jumping off and the whole thing randomly stops. Or like it did last night and instead of stopping after the agreed 30 mins it went on for an hour and a half. 

Seriously what's this all about. 

Which leads me on to me my next what's this all about.. (apologies to Ju who heard all this yesterday) 

Supermarkets.... I hate them with a passion at the best of times. 

But I thought I'd give them a second chance over here. I was thinking it would be a relatively nice experience, mooching around seeing what's what.

NO. I was wrong (and I don't admit that very often) 

Me and and the kids went to the local Coles... and we searched and searched for the butter.  Couldn't find any anywhere. So gave up. 

Went back the next day searched a bit more and eventually found it......anyone like to guess where?........

 Next to the frozen dog mince. Yup frozen dog mince or cat mince if you'd rather. 

(This is mince for your dog / cat not minced up dog / cat, actually I'd better check that - I'll let you know) 

Anyway on Friday after having the tour of Charlotte's college we went to another Coles. 

For milk, cakes for the kids and a drink. 

Right cakes and drink sorted within 3 minutes I'd say. Milk.... now let's think milk - should be with cheese, yogurt, chilled stuff?......am now walking around on the verge of hysteria I have to add. Kids flying off in direction, Ob staring lovingly at sweets Charlotte staring lovingly at makeup. 

I eventually find someone that works there and I ask her in a pathetic pleading whiney voice "can you please tell me where the milk is" 

She looks at me like I'm some sort of weirdo "er yeah it's behind you" 

I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. 

Course, the milk is by the fruit why wouldn't it be?? 

Oh and the soup if anyone's interested is also by the fruit. Of course. 

Sigh. 

Now a bit of boring but essential news....Charlotte starts college tomorrow. Which is fab. Like I mentioned we had a walk around and it looks really really good.

She's doing 6 subjects 

English

Maths 

History 

Psychology 

Sociology 

Global studies 

Instead of A level and AS level we have it's T and A. 

T is equivalent / sort of like an A level 

Where as the A is kinda like the AS level 

And the great thing is for the grand sum of $14.000 she gets 2 free college tops and a hoody. (She's classed as an international student)

Wow not bad hey. (Ikea are paying, I'm sure they'll be please with their return!) 

She's a little nervous at starting so the international facilitator is meeting her tomorrow to get her at least to her first class and to go through her timetable. 

In true form and a credit to her she's studied the prospectus and knows it better than Sean knows his ikea products. 

Ob on the other hand .... different story.  

Ikea have paid his fees but the school are saying he's not allowed to start until the 23rd Feb. We're not even allowed to contact them until the money has cleared and then they will call us about having a visit prior to him starting..

So poor thing is stuck with me all next week.  

We've got all his uniform and he's NOT amused by the 'no hat no play rule' 

Nothing more to add on that note 

Think you all probably know by now we've also sorted the house (that was a little stressful) schools also wouldn't take payment until we'd found a house. 

We looked at loads last week but all just too 

Anyway the one we found is amazing. Has the double garage Sean insisted was the most important thing, 4 bedrooms, laundry room, family room, separate lounge, 2 bathrooms and best of all.... girls you'll appreciate this 

...... A walk in wardrobe    

It's half the size of my kitchen back in England.

It's a really lovely house. Nice garden huge deck area. And the colour theme is grey and orange! 

The owners left us a box of chocs (didn't last long) 

So anyway leads me on nicely to my next bit of funny ness. ...

Sean and I got up at 5 am yesterday (Saturday) drove to Sydney for ikea to open at 8 30 (the store he's working for hasn't opened yet for those that didn't know, due in October) so the plan was to get 3 mattresses and 2 beds. (Ob's bed frame is in the container so he just needed a mattress. 

In the UK the mattresses come rolled up.... (you can start to see where this is going can't you? 

So we get all the important stuff first like scented candles, (vanilla and orange if anyone's interested?!)

Towels, 2 wine glasses, plates etc then trundle down to the bed lady. 

Sean says "just checking your mattresses do come rolled up don't they" 

She looks at him as if he's just asked her to dance and says "no why would they" 

" Erm because they do in every other ikea in the world" he replied 

She just shrugged and walked off. 

What the ..... beep.... beep... 

Hmmmm. Well that threw a spanner in the works big time. 

Can I add that we did try calling the store the night before when we thought maybe they don't come rolled but it was too late and the store had closed. 

Sean was insistent they'd come rolled up and he used to do the job of stock thingy mabob so I went on his assurance.

Not a prob we thought we'll hire a Ute (get me and the Aussie lingo!!!) And come back up. (We still have the apartment until the end of Feb so we can sleep there worse case) 

So then we thought we'll at least buy a sofa. Found the one we like took the details job done ..... or was it. 

In the meantime we go to bedding to at least get pillows etc. 

Oh my god. Sean nearly had a melt down. The sizes here are all over the place. They have single which is a single in the UK. Then they have a queen which is a king in UK then a king which is a queen in the UK.  Double is not a double in the UK that's just something else. 

Actually a queen may not be a king. I have no idea. Google had no idea. There was nobody to ask. So we in desperation just grabbed what we though was right. (By now we have decided we are buying camping beds to sleep on) 

Then we had to choose pillows and coolers (too hot for quilts) so do we go for firm, slightly firm, very firm, squishy firm, firm firm or just plain old simple soft.  

We grabbed firm firm. They all felt the bloody same. 

Double sigh.

So for those of you that love and know ikea you pootle on down to self serve where you get the bulky items

We find the area for the sofa ... Yay they have box 1.. The covers .... 

Box 2 the feet.... and 

box 4 the cushions.... 

box 3 .....NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. .

Who had just bought all the boxes 3 of 4. WHY. 

By now we're on the floor kicking and in despair. 

Triple Sigh.  

So we hang our heads low and drag ourselves to the checkout. Where we have picked up the only glass jar in the whole of ikea that doesn't have a price.  

After 15 minutes of phone calls and frantic discussions the lady in the till does believe it's $3.99

By now the queue is let's say not small. Sean's work card then decides to throw a head fit when the till lady is trying to work out his staff discount. 

He wasn't showing up as working for Australia and England had disowned him. 

Luckily he knew his staff number (who doesn't) and till lady over rode the system. Yay till girl. 

Sean rewarded himself with a 35 cents ice cream I rewarded myself with wrapping up the wine glasses in a massive roll of brown paper. (Living the dream) 

Have to say the drive there was amazing. Some beautiful sights and just nice to be with Sean on our own. 

Sean's settled in to work and he's enjoying it although finding just doing 9 hours a day instead of 14 odd! 

He's a little out of sorts by not having stress at work (weirdo) 

I'm a little out of sorts as I don't seem to know what I'm doing, I'm in even more of a dream land than usual. 

Even choosing the electricity supplier is confusing and don't even get me started on House insurance ... is the property 

A free standing house 

Duplex 

House 

Big house 

Little House, cardboard box

Blah blah is it made of this tile, that tile, concrete, brick, slate, corrugated iron, steal, what on earth. 

And do you want to be on a green plan,  home plan, half a plan, whole plan, reduced plan. 

Laptop slammed at this stage! 

There's been the Canberra multicultural fringe on this weekend . Sean worked Friday and is down there today and has also been told "no hat no play" so we have been in stitches and also has to wear a lovely yellow Ikea top. Ob is enjoying laughing at him I can tell you. 

I've managed to drop him at work and get back from the house to the apartment with NO sat nav it's a great feeling. 

Although when you do use sat nav it takes you on a different route EVERY time. 

On the way to the college, bare in mind the sat nav directions are like the Rowntree ransoms adverts, I may have taken a slight detour, luckily enough the kids didn't work out that we went around the same housing estate 3 times. Me saying about how stupid the sat nav is. 

Quadruple Sigh.  

I have to say though today felt awesome getting from the house to the apartment even Sean hasn't done that yet! 

And yes I know what you're saying Rebekah Bawler. .. I will conquer Cardiff to Bristol IF I ever need too again!!!! 

This email has taken me about 2 hours to write, the kids.... bare in mind are 13 and 17 suddenly seem to need me when I'm sat on my bed away from them..

Double double sigh and a half 

Charlotte wants me to measure her with Ikeas stupid paper tape measure not sure why. And Ob wants to tell me about a letter opener, come usb stick come house pin for Game of Thrones.

I'm nodding like a Chinese cat ornament while silently telling them to do one!

All of you with young kids you have all this to come. Those with older kids sympathy please 

We're now actually sat at the house (on to the 4th hour of me starting and stopping this email, you lot better appreciate it!) 

Let me set the scene. 

Huge family room ...

Sean and I sat on camping chairs, Ob lying on his inflatable!!! 4 bar stools at the island (I finally have an island) Glad of plonk to the side and a TV which Sean cannot tune!!!!! 

I'm laughing secretly as he's NOT impressed. 

I've just realised I didn't take a picture of the offending washing machine. I'll try and remember when we go back tomorrow. 

Anyway I'm signing off. Gonna walk around my house again and just check all the empty rooms are indeed still empty!!!!