I am Legend

I have been keeping notes all week of things to tell you but the list is massive so I'm going to break it down a bit if I can. I have all the time in the world to write but I'm conscious that most of you still have real jobs to do. 

SCARIES .. lets start with this. 

Have you seen the film I am Legend? With Will Smith? If you haven't you need too because I turn into him when its dusk (not literally turn into him but if you've seen the film you'll understand) 

I can be happy as Larry or happy as Bob in the day occasionally (every few minutes) scouring the room for scaries (living in a house where everything is white and having no furniture but 2 camping chairs, 4 bars stools and 4 airbeds I see EVERYTHING) Come dusk I'm literally climbing the walls in fright. 

The first night here going to bed walk past the laundry room and see a 6' shadow lurking, turn the light on its a cricket. Calmly call Sean who meanders down and says 'yup that's a cricket' and then turns to me and shrugs. 

We then have a 10 minute discussion whilst trying to not to alarm the kids of the intruder whether to save its life or to end it.

Anyway Sean goes and gets a box while ordering me to stand and watch... comes back with said box and promptly tries to scoop it up. The cricket does what its supposed to and jumps from the box, making Sean jump, making me shriek, making Charlotte come out of her room and quietly ask "is it a spider" I reassure her its not several hundred times and send her back to the her airbed. 

Sean then re scoops and eventually gets cricket in the box and out the side door. Panic over. I then cover the bottom of the door with several boxes to keep other things wandering in. But now every time I pass the laundry room I'm expecting things to be in there that shouldn't. 

Sean then quickly consults google and announces yup that was a cricket and to not worry it wasn't deadly. But then what does google know. 

To get us back for evicting him the cricket has obviously rounded up all his mates and they sit outside our bedroom window all night and sound like blummin vuvuzela's.. I'm not kidding either. Sigh.

I've even convinced myself that the dead tops of grass plants that have blown off are indeed huntsmen and naturally out to get me. I even avoid walking along side of a tree and a wall in case there are webs that I might become encased in. This only plus to this is that by the time I've reached the bottom of the road I've completed my 10,000 steps for the day, bad news it takes me 4 times as long to get anywhere. I tried walking down the road karate kids style but then realised I look a bit special. 

Talking of special remember the wooden / plastic figure you used to get that the limbs are all attached with elastic? They sit on a base that you push up and you can get them doing all sorts of stupid moves? Ringing any bells... well imagine that but imagine 4 people doing that in broad daylight at a natural swimming reserve. Honestly the flies were unbelievable. Legs were flinging in all directions arms spasming all over the place. Again not a good look. Promptly left that place and went to another swimming place. Which has a nudist area WHICH is not clearly signposted. We rock up and we can either go left for beach or right for rock pools. Luckily we avoided any nakedness and went to the beach side. thankfully no flies here just crocodiles (only joking). 

Before leaving the place with the flies whilst walking back to the car Sean quietly announces "snake" Shrieks and hysterics from all but him and Ob saying 'cool, where' .... to find out no it was no snake just a Lizard. 

And then he wonders why I become Will Smith at night. GRRRR. 

Saw 2 roo's fighting on the way to dropping off Sean last week which was very funny and pretty cool. They prefer the cooler temps so early morning and evening are the best time to see them. We're gonna take a mooch out tonight to see them and get some pics. 

2 people this week that Sean works with have had snakes in their house deadly ones too may I say. One bloke from Sydney and the other lady who lives in the sticks so kinda expected. Anyway I beat them all because I had a bird in the house. We've been lent a fridge by someone Sean works with and when we we off loading it some how a bird got in. Luckily for us the native Australian took care of it and saw it off the premises. 

Right as the subject says listening to music is bad for cyclists... 

Thought I'd go for a mooch today and wander up to Gungahlin centre its only a 45 minute walk and it's quite over cast today so far so very do-able. I'm obviously singing quite a bit louder than I thought I was because on pronouncing "gangnam style" I see a cyclist swerve and say "holy Christ" oops says I and promptly giggles. Thank goodness I wasn't singing hot chocolates 'you sexy thing' or Joe Cocker "you are so beautiful" 

Have I mentioned the terrible fashion here?? Well its bad, very bad. I cannot even lie and say its a bit good because its not. And the shoes well that's just down right insulting. Thank goodness for over seas shipping.

And what else is not good well in a way it is... the donuts, not a patch on Salisbury's and also caramel shortbread is not caramel shortbread. Here is has a coconut bottom. WRONG it should be like its says on the tin SHORTBREAD. 

Hurry up recipe books I need you! 

I'm still not friend with the supermarkets if you're interested but now have realised that anything you want IS BY THE FRUIT. As I'm aimlessly walking around looking for wine at 9am in the morning quite apt that "the going gets tough" (by Billy Joel is it?) is playing loudly above me, followed by 'everything's going to be alright' by East 17. 

Quite fitting really and made me giggle. Whilst buying 2 boxes of 4 litre red and white wine... (its practically law here to drink.. the massive fridge we've borrowed is actually someones beer fridge, yes they have a beer fridge oh and a wine one and presumably a food one!) 

Had a strange TX in the week that read like this.. bear in mind there are only 3 people that have my Australian number so a little jolt of excited-ness did creep up when seeing an unfamiliar number ...

EHBHS : Your son Harry Nguyen was marked absent from school 16/02/2015.

I know the kids have some weird nick names and are called every other name but the one they were born with but seriously even I couldn't make THAT surname up. 

It does appear that little Harry is absent again this week. Naughty naughty. 

Took the kids for a milkshake last week (coffee guru- does the most amazing caramel espresso frappe) and offer them a cake. Owen asks for a muffin, Charlotte asks me for ... which in turn I ask the guy behind the counter... wait for it.... 

'Can I also have a melting vanilla moment' as soon as I'd said it I heard what I'd asked for. Several snigger's from people behind and a snort from the guy serving me who then states 'I'll bring it over' 

Ob then points out its not even called that but just a simple vanilla cookie. Thanks Charlotte!!! 

Another incident in a different guru (bit of a pattern here but trust me I'm not always at guru although I was today... purely for a rest you see... i did walk 45 minutes just to get to town, I deserved a coffee) Me and Ob sat outside when a mahoosive magpie sits about 2 feet away from us, we have been warned that they attack in breeding season (2 weeks in October) which makes no difference to me in my eyes that thing wanted to steal my young (Ob who is nearly as tall as me but that's not the point) and take my caramel espresso frappe so on the count of 3 we literally ran inside. The manger then came over and rather quietly said 'you're ok' yeah right We are now because we're inside mister. 

I then asked hm for a job because they were advertising and thought I like coffee so why not. He asked if I had any experience I said no told him a brief history of work and he said "you're too over qualified" I literally went home skipping. 

I am supposed to be looking for jobs... Or that's what I told Sean, eeek. I did register to seek last week but then got a million emails offering me stupid jobs like pig farming and construction so added seek to my spam list of senders and shut the laptop down. 

Right peeps I'm actually going to go, walk around the empty house again scanning for scaries, really not sure what I'm going to do if i find one then have a sit on my decking