Saturday test

Hi everyone.

I have just had a very amusing experience happen and only felt it right I should share with you lot.

So, Sean came back last night (he's been in Sydney for 3 days) and we have a vodka & coke to start the weekend off with.
This morning I have to follow him in our car to drop the hire car off.
So we're pootling along and suddenly the cars all start to slow down.
The police are ahead and they are waving EVERY single car to the side.
I start to panic, I had 2 last night but any one that knows Sean, knows he pours his shots like they are going out of fashion.
I'm watching Sean and thinking crap we're both for the high jump.
He pulls up and then within seconds he's driving off.
I'm now shaking and have gone all hot with fear.
So... I drive up to the policeman that's waving me to pull up (very slowly I might add, oh and quite typically my hair is frantic as I didn't bother doing it this morning and I have my Willy Wonka sunglasses on, picture attached, so to say I was looking suspicious was an understatement) Sigh.

So I greet the policeman (PM) with a very big smile (thanking my lucky stars I brushed my teeth before leaving) and he asked "Can you count to 10"
My reply "yes"
Slight pause, I'm now really shaking and squirming and I can see Sean is waiting at the side for me and watching.
PM says again whilst holding his breathalyser near me "I need you to count to 10"
I'm expecting to blow into the breathalyser and I'm looking at it and thinking where the hell do I blow and why hasn't he covered it so I'm not getting anyone else's germs.
My reply "I'm confused, I don't know what you mean"
So he says again (all very nicely I have to say)
"Can you count to 10"
Me - "But why, you're confusing me, aren't I supposed to blow into that thing"
PM "No you just count to 10 and it measures any alcohol in your breath"
Me "Oh I see, sorry I'm a bit dumb" flash him an award winning smile and he repeats "Can you count to 10"
Me "Yes"
PM "Now?"
Me "Oh, you want me to count now"
He's now laughing (I think, probably at the Willy Wonka glasses more than anything)
So I count and then say "How'd I do?"
He said "All good"
I apologise again and think omg what am I like and drive of still shaking.

First thing Sean asks me when we get to the hire drop off "Were you flirting with him, you seemed to take a really long time"
Me "No I was confused what he was asking me"
Sean "Why what did he ask you, I was only asked to count to 15"
Me "I had to count to 10"
Sean "So why was that confusing Mad"
Then I had to tell him my tale.
He laughed all the way home


Oh and yesterday at step I managed to fall off, very gracefully while fist pumping the air to make it look like I was improvising.
The night before was body attack and to be honest I almost would rather prefer getting attacked, I think I would ache less.
Today I was late getting to the class because the PM kept me talking too long so I went on the machines... well I tried too... even though I was shown yesterday I can't remember what she was saying to do and not to do.
So I'm on the cross trainer and it decides NOT to move, I just cannot move it, it just goes back and forward about 6 inches not the full rotation. So I thump every button at least 3 times and still nothing. So I gingerly get off wipe it down like all the posters tell you to and try and lift weights. Only they're too heavy and I'm rather bored. So I wipe my brow and leave. And reward myself with a strong mint by the reception.

We're off out tonight to the speak easy club again. I'm debating whether I need new shoes to go.......  ahhh just remembered where I live. So that'll be a no then.  Sigh.

A few more oops moments....

Like the title says here's a few other moments when talking to my darling husband I've had to say oops more than once.

The first being when I was offered the job with IKEA I asked him if he knew they were going to offer it, his reply was 'yes of course I knew'
He then went on to tell me that my area manager (AM ) had laughingly said this.....
AM -'We're going to offer Maddi the job but we're just not sure on her taste of men'
When Sean told me this, my reply after gasping was 'but how do they know I love Tom Hardy, I didn't mention him at all in my interview, that's really weird' I went on to say.
Sean now looking not as happy at the start of our conversation simply said 'he meant me Mad, not Tom Hardy'
Oops

Second oops. We have an IKEA social media app that only the exclusive can join. So I joined to see what all the hype was about and it asked me if I wanted to follow anyone in IKEA. So I sat and thought about this for a VERY long time, thought some more then decided I didn't really know anyone to follow so I looked for Sean's friend in the Bristol store in the UK and found himself, had a nosey what he'd been posting on this exclusive site then logged out satisfied that it was quite useful.
I told Sean exactly what I did and the fact that I couldn't think of anyone to follow and he looked at me and said quite sternly 'And you didn't think of me Mad?'
'ERM, no I actually didn't, oops, sorry' I said then started having the giggles.
He was NOT impressed.

The very gorgeous Tom Hardy......

But here's my real one true love 😊😄

Willies in the bathroom ....

G'day all. 

Down to business... did I tell you that when I applied to IKEA I only wanted part time hours? Assumed in my interview I was getting part time as I mentioned it plenty of times... and when I started the first week the HR manager who I know anyway asked with a puzzled face "Didn't you just want part time hours" "YES" I probably said a bit too loud and desperate, She then informed me that my beloved deputy may have had a part in me getting full time hours. GRRRRRR. 

Anyway I'm there full time and its not quite the pillow fluffing I expected it to be. 

No more to say on that. 

I failed to tell you in the last email about the guy at Costco...and that the last time I went there I very nearly accidentally (of course) ran him over. Now this guy by his own admission is not a small chap and also is COVERED in high visibility attire because of working in the fuel court and presumably so he doesn't get run over on a daily basis. 

So after nearly running him over the first time, the second time I'm much more careful to not run him over. Our Costco card is still the English one with no bar code so I have to get him over to use his staff one to enable the pump to work. When I walked over to him he states "You're the one that nearly ran me over last week" "Yup that's me" I replied. then told him not worry as I won't again. He looks at me suspiciously and mumbles "I doubt that" 

Anyway we get talking and we are now in first term names, (helped that we both had our work name badges on) I know all about him and his family and he hits the gym too, he goes to Golds the weight lifting one. He makes getting fuel a whole lot better!

Also got chatting on the phone to the opticians wife (who offered me a job!!) for an hour and a half.... I kid you not.

Note to self... still actually haven't told her I don't actually want the job, hope they're still not holding it for me. Gulp. 

The till person in Aldi is also very chatty and we have a good gossip about random things. Now I think about it, my conversations are all random, these poor people must think I'm a little odd. 

Any excuse to chat to people I'm ON IT!! 

Just not to the IKEA people I started with. (No more to say about that) Tell a lie, there is a Spanish lady I'm friendly with who is lovely. 

Down to the subject in hand... Willies in the bathroom......

As I said I'm in the bedroom department in IKEA (full time I must state AGAIN) 

and last week we had to go to Sydney to get practise and experience of working in a store. Part of out daily routines are to check all the room sets are tidy and lovely. 

As I'm inspecting the en suite apart of the bedrooms room set I spy A LOT of willies drawn on the tiles and wall. After laughing, I then had this conversation with my colleague (C) 

Me "Do you have a rubber"

C "WHAAAAT" 

Me sighing .. "Do you have a rubber, there's willies in the bathroom" 

C shrieks "WHAAAAT" 

Me grumbling "Look do you have a rubber or not, I need to get rid of some willies in the bathroom" 

C "Erm, No I don't" ... slight pause, "Are you sure?"

Me " Yes I need a rubber, there's loads of willies" 

C "Do you want to show me" 

Me sighing much more loudly now "If you want" 

C now very slowly walks to the bathroom set and gingerly pulls back the shower curtain and starts hysterically laughing. 

Me "See I told you I need to a rubber to get rid of these willies, they're every where" 

C "We say eraser over here a rubber is a condom" 

"Ahhhh" I reply "hence your stupid expression, well we call them rubbers because they RUB out things, and I'm English so I win, now do you have a rubber" 

C "NO" and walks off laughing

I did eventually get a rubber / eraser and thanked my lucky stars I didn't ask my team leader for one! GULP.

Can someone answer a question for me please... In the UK we do call Michael Bouble the 'boobs' don't we???

Note to you all they DON'T here and I know this because on the way home another colleague (who I like) asked to play his music as I was navigator (I know right how did that happen I can barely get myself to the other side of Canberra without getting lost... I have to say that I was NO help in navigating out of Sydney but at least I got to be in charge of the music.... Melbourne Bounce blared MOST of the way home) 

So when Michael Bouble starts to play I turn round and ask my colleague "Do you like the boobs" 

His poor face was a picture, it was sheer horror, Not deterred I asked him again 'Do you like the boobs?" The whole car by now is silent and it suddenly clicks what I asked him. "Do you not call Michael Bouble the boobs here" I ask 

By now everyone is in stitches and all inform me that NO he is not known as the boobs. Sean also said we don't call him the boobs, but I'm sure we do. So please let me know. 

Word quickly got round to the other car about my blunders. 

Hey ho.....

No snakes in the garden... Phew

Morning, 

How are we all? Its very windy here and very chilly. I know this because I'm sat in my freezer! I'm sat here with my cappuccino (with milk) and a glass of Berroca (on account of not wanting to get crook again) makes an interesting breakfast don't you think? 

Last weekend for those that haven't seen or heard we saw Koala's, I was just a little excited and boy they are super cute looking. The lady at the reserve said we were really lucky to see one out eating as they normally sleep for 19 hours a day. They are beautiful animals. The day after Sean and I drove to the beach and just by chance when we looking out to sea I spotted 4 dolphin fins, I was that excited and jumping up and down that much I gave myself a headache. 

We very nearly got cut of by the sea but luckily we didn't. Sean said we'd be OK and we could've climbed the cliff .... my response was "not in my pretty converse shoes, NO way" so we had to run back across the rocks and sea to get back to dry land. But we saw dolphins so that was worth nearly getting stranded for. 

On Saturday we took a boat trip out and saw WHALES, seals and more dolphins (and blimey they are fast little things) 

The whales were incredible and I'm still in awe of seeing them. There were 4 all together. 

Unfortunately Sean and Charlotte were erm lets just say a little bit green. But never fear I did my good wifey / mum duties and saw them go below deck and let the lady on the tour look after them (There was no way I'm missing out on seeing whales) 

I did go down once and check on them, saw they were both yup still green and quickly scarpered back on top deck. (I had to check Ob wasn't trying to dive overboard) 

It was an extremely rocky ride and even though we all took anti sickness they just didn't help Sean and Charlotte. Sean said he'd have been OK if they let him control the boat, hmmm not sure everyone else would've been OK though. 

Now exciting news..... there are NO snakes in my garden. OK maybe not exciting for you lot but it is for me, I'm beginning to turn into Will Smith again and getting freaked out by every little thing. Sigh

We took the plunge and bought a mower yesterday as surprise surprise the grass keeps growing. We asked Ob to go out there first and wiggle a stick in the grass to check there were no naughty things hiding but he said he didn't have one and didn't fancy putting his hand in the grass instead. (He's so not a team player)

So I was feeling brave and decided I would do it, BUT ..... as soon as I got outside I was freaked out, there's a dead bird on the decking under my patio table. Now am I right in thinking if you find a dead bird its some sort of curse or bad luck (all curses are bad luck aren't they? They were in Pirates of the Caribbean so therefore must be true? Please discuss and let me know) 

Any how, I don't want to move dead bird for fear of jinxing the curse (if there is one). So the poor thing is still there. I guess it proves there are no snakes as well as it wouldn't have been left on my decking would it.  But why is it under my table. 

I also checked under the decking for snakes and there are none there. Now I know you're all saying it's winter and snakes are all hibernating BUT..... the person on the boat doing all the commentating said they don't normally see whales in August but we did. So anything is possible .... right?

After not being able to get the outdoor switches to work and having a diva fit, I had to ask Sean to help me, and that's when I saw my chance as really I was feeling quite frightened about mowing as the grass could've been hiding a small tribe of goodness knows what. 

So I asked him if he'd stand outside while I mowed just to be on the safe side.
To cut a long story short he ended up doing it and we found NOTHING. Yay.

The wind whistling through my single pane windows sound like the philharmonic orchestra. Only I can't quite name that tune. Sigh.

Ooooo I thought of another line I'm saying as I'm trying to fit in with the natives.. 'I'm cranky'. well I'm not because I've just had my Berroca but I will be if the orchestra doesn't change its tune soon. 

I think that's all for today folks. Have to pop to town now. 

Hope you all have a good week. 

 

No sarcasm here at all....

Hi kids.

Thought I would type this letter as it's probably easier to read.
Firstly thank you for stopping to read this, maybe you haven't actually even stopped to read it. I'm sorry I've interrupted your time as I know you are both very busy people with all that you do.
I really just wanted to say how much I appreciate you for letting me do so much for you.
I loved getting up at 6.30 yesterday morning to make your lunches for school / college. Because I've seen how very busy you are having to watch YouTube whilst trying to struggle to eat breakfast, if you'd like me to maybe next time make your breakfast as well please let me know it's not a problem. I see how long it takes to straighten your hair and put your make up on, I should really spend more time doing mine but you see that would involve me doing less for you which we don't want. Please don't thank me either because it's really my pleasure.

You were both very ingenious watching me hoover your bedrooms and the whole house yesterday. It's my way of showing not how it's done but really that I like to be watched - just to make sure I'm doing it right.
It was a shame to hoover up your finger nails Owen because they looked so pretty on the floor. Charlotte yes you did offer and actually hoover one half of your bedroom to which I'm very sorry you had to do that as I know you're very busy.

It was really nice to wash the floor to then have it walked over by you Owen with your school shoes on as you were clearly demonstrating that I had missed bits, so thank you for showing me that.

Thank you also for letting me do all your washing, the joy I get from smelling clothes thrown on the floor makes my day, if you want to do it more often it's no problem I clearly have the time to do it and you don't. 
I really do love spending the majority of the day willing it to be home time so I can come home and bake you nice things, get the washing in from outside that I hung out in the morning because I know how busy you are. I love having to think of lots of different meals that I can cook for you. It makes my night when we are sat around the table and you leave most of what I've put on there, because you are showing me I must make better food and think harder about what I'm making.

I'm sorry that I have to go to Sydney for 5 days with work as I won't be able to do anything for you but don't you worry Saturday evening I'll be back and already I'm looking forward to doing it all.
Don't you worry about dad either having to work 12 / 14 hour days after all its our pleasure. As long as you get everything you ask for and everything done for you. We really don't mind.

Thank you kids for letting us do so much for you. 

Bullet dodging

I'm currently sat on a log - yes I am actually sat on a log in the day time and I'm under a tree and dare I say not freaking out. 

Of course I'm scanning for scaries and I've just flicked an ant the size of a small cat off me but so far all is good. 

I'm at the pump track with Ob. There's 3 little bits to it and yes you can probably guess it, when we arrived it was empty, now every lady, dog, child on a wooden trike thing that I'm not sure even has round wheels as all he's doing is screaming and throwing himself on the floor, has joined us. There is a lady on the track with her lovely Pendleton looking bike with baskets rear and front shouting loudly about how much fun this is and how we should all look at her. 

Hmm special comes to mind.

So, yesterday Ob asks if I'd like to go on a bike ride (he has a new bike with ...... brakes!!!! To say he's chuffed is an understatement not just because the bike has brakes but it has suspension and everything, I know this because the whole hour we were out he talked about NOTHING else) Anyway.... 

Ob took me on this ride that I would say is maybe the cousin equivalent to Stromlo  .

Him on his new (with brakes and suspension) and me pootling behind. He assured me he knew where he was going (he did the ride the day before with Sean. 

All was good, he took me up these hills that were like Everest, him way out in front and me gasping for breath behind. But all good. We came across a black lizard and after a 5 minute debate on what we should do the lizard clearly annoyed with the fact we didn't just pass, mooched off on its own accord. (Google then confirmed yes it was a black lizard) phew. Thanks again Google.

I then get asked do I want to continue or go home, I pleaded home. 

So down we go. Jeeze it was quick, the bike was rattling I was rattling. Ob NO where in sight. Until we eventually meet up. Carry our bikes over 6 logs, I guess Aussie equivalent of our cattle grids? I felt like I was training for tough mudder or something. 

I then ask Ob if he still knows where we're going because we didn't come this way to start with. He assured me he did. So after hauling our bikes over these logs and then barb wire oh and climbing over the barb wire ourselves I ask again. "Do you actually know where we're going" 

"Yes mum of course I do....... I think its this way" Still gasping for breath I decide to trust him. 

So now he tells me we are in Mulligans Flat which I know bikes are only allowed on 2 tracks, (its a nature reserve so bikes are restricted but hikers are welcome to go pretty much anywhere) we've been on both tracks and the one we were on yesterday wasn't one of them so I had my suspicions that Ob didn't actually know where we were going. 

We then come across a very angry BIG roo I would say about 5 feet away. "It's OK" Ob says "he's behind the fence"

Oh yes Ob .... the 3 foot fence..The blummin roo bends down and looks like the right leg is going to start kicking at the ground to get some speed up. 

Me screeching to Ob "you do know they can jump don't you" 

He just laughs and cycles off, 

With one eye on the roo and one eye seeing in what direction Ob has cycled off in I follow.....

We come to a gate...... with a lovely big sign saying "No access to Mulligans on these dates 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th of ........ APRIL. Between 6am and 6pm. Due to rabbit culling and the use of shot guns is highly likely" personally I'd say most definitely likely wouldn't you?? 

We now have 2 choices to go back the way we shouldn't be or to go on the way we shouldn't be. Either way we SHOULD NOT be in Mulligans. Sigh.

We agreed to go on, there was at this point NO paths just forest, trees, twigs disguised as snakes, stumps disguised as roos ready to pounce and punch and leaves disguised as scaries. NOT good for me and my bone rattling bike (which I only found out today that my suspension was turned off hence why so rattly, blame Sean for that one, he rode it last coming home from work... took him 2 hours, thats another story though) Ob was in great amusement when he saw the suspension was off. Glad I have my uses I guess. 

Anyway.... so, we're on no track like I said and we come across 7 roos, all equally as annoyed at seeing us as I am to be lost in Mulligans. Both bikes skid to stop, I'm hoping a scary doesn't run over my flip flops (see how equipped I was!) and then Ob says 'It's ok the closer you get they'll freak out and run" and yes they did .... in every  direction and across our path, its a wonder there wasn't a pile up between us and then. The expression rabbits in headlights most definitely was in full force yesterday. I am by now literally screaming at Ob 'Have you any idea where we are' 

He simply sighs and says 'yes its just over there' 

So not only am I now dodging roo's, scaries, twigs, snakes AND lizards I am now dodging bullets (not that we heard any but thats not the point) 

I'm having to duck under trees around trees, over trees just to get out, Ob is having the time of his life (he has brakes and suspension now!!) We find the gate that leads to the actual bike track, haul our bikes over (well I haul them while Ob grumbles that I just knocked the TYRE on the gate. 

I point out the sign to him again and all I get from him is "oh" 

So we're lucky to be alive, I think. He then asked if I want to do it again tomorrow. 

You can guess my reply. Double sigh.  

 

Oh and is it ever good in an interview when the guy comes back hands you your license and says "now theres a photo you don't want sharing around' 

Hmmmm. Thanks for that.