Puppy class take 2

All week we have ignored Boomer when coming home, spied him out of the corner of our eyes looking devo (devastated for non Australian people) and genuinely unloved and sad. As soon as we say that first hello my goodness it's like the cork of a champagne bottle being cracked open. Like a room full of toddlers on skittles, like a 1990's rave (sigh, miss those days.... as I sit here typing away while Andy Whitby plays on trusty Google home and every so often having to get up to have a dance, of which Boomer is NOT impressed.. Calm down puppy my dancing aint that bad)
So the ignoring goes well until we say hello then he remembers he has lovely sharp pointy sharp teeth that he just has to use.
Unfortunately he hasn't met a fish, horse or a man with a beard. So no boxes ticked there in puppy class take 2. We all 4 meet a little more sheepish this week and definitely NOT carrying puppies like they are Simba this week. Bella's mum greats us with "She's been a little shit this week" my reply "He's been a nightmare" we part ways when in the room and sit furthest away from Bella. Well if she's being "a little shit" I don't want her antagonising Boomer.

Daisy turns up late because she rolled in her own poop and had to have a bath. Oh Daisy, who does that, and seriously, man up Daisy. Nora arrived looking uneasy at the sight of tiles again. Oh Nora stop being such a bloody princess.

We were told this week how to get them to lie down. Surely this would be easy... Bella is up first and she kinda manages it, but puppy lady had to use "sneaky hand". Before all this she shows us how to do it on Hairy McClarey (fake dog but when Boomer see him he has other idea's, especially when it looks like puppy lady is giving Hairy treats he is NOT impressed.
Sneaky hand is if they don't lie from sitting you encourage them to come to the side of you with the treat and tease them to the floor to lie and just as they are near the floor you gently use sneaky hand to encourage them to lie on the floor. Sounds simple doesn't it.  I was sure Boomer would ace this. Think again.
Bella had to have sneaky hand, Nora up next "But she doesn't like the tiles" whined her mum, enough's enough now lady, man your dog up. Nora couldn't manage it because of the tiles being too cold on her bum, she barely sat but still got a treat as apparently puppy lady said it made contact for a spilt second.
Daisy's up next, well, she's so docile and gentle as soon as she was on the floor she laid down, now hang on Daisy you little show off. You don't just do that with out sitting first you little cheat. Even though she did look cute she followed it up shortly afterwards by weeing... C'mon Daisy what is it with you and weeing?

Big dog Boomers turn now. Sitting there nicely singing and straining to get down, I was sure he had this in the bag. After all watching the other 3 try and do it, surely he'd have worked it out.
He gets a treat for sitting ... (of course he does, puppy lady we told you last week he has this in the bag) now comes the lie bit... or rather here doesn't come the lie down part. Even with sneaky hand Boomer will not lie down, and yes puppy lady he has got that "Staffy stubbornness" Thank you for saying it half a million times, I think the group gets it.
Daisy is looking on smugly, Nora is trying not to have a panic attack by looking at the tiles, and Bella is clearly sat there coming up with some plan and adventure to entice Boomer into trouble.

As it stands now, Boomer will not lie down with or without sneaky hand and no matter how many pats, praise and treats you give him, sneaky hand doesn't work... wonder if sneaky foot will?? Must check the homework sheet for that.

They aren't given much puppy play time this week which didn't please Boomer, I name that song in... sigh. Well I say they're not given much play time, 2 aren't. I wonder if it's because one dog dragged the another dog across the room by her neck. Now I'm not mentioning any news but Boomer and Bella were sad to watch the other 2 playing. Oh Boomer.
Puppy lady assured us it was ok and that's why puppies have loose skin, she reiterated it by showing us Bella's as she pulled her away from the jaws of a certain Blue Staffy.


Homework this week is to practise lead training and to keep them on a lead when they go to wee outside. I draw the line at this. I think Boomer has got the idea, he stands by one door to be let out and goes to the other side of the house to be let in. My dog's got brains. Not sure how I work that out but he's gorgeous and so cute.
However, I say he's got brains.. had to write this on the chalk board the day after he was awarded with 1 day no accidents...

Sigh

He was NOT impressed of makeshift bed

Bed #2 had to be binned as full of wee and someone ripped the stuffing out and chewed a massive hole in it. Oh Boomer. 

No this isn't Boomer on the sofa watching TV

(please don't tell puppy lady) 

Look at this face, how can you not love him. 

Bed #3, waterproof russly as heck, annoys the crap out of him because he cant scrunch it up into a ball and it's too tough to bite a hole in...... for now 

Nora's got no fluff

After having a dog with ISSUES, and I mean ISSUES, we thought once bitten twice shy and all that we'd get try and get it right this time around with our new beautiful darling puppy.
Enrolled in puppy class and studied all the necessary do's and dont's (there weren't that many but sounds like we were taking it seriously)
Turned up and met with Bella the Frenchie, Daisy the Labrador and Nora who actually turned out to be a miniature Schnauzer and not a Sausage dog. (I'd have like her more if she was) The Kelpie who was on the list clearly couldn't complete with the standard of dog and thought it best not to turn up.

We all get out of our cars carrying said puppies like Mufasa carrying Simba (literally) all so proud and look at my dog he's best type thing (of course they all know Boomer is best) into the puppy room where for an hour and a half we are talked at about how these puppies have to know their place, bottom of the pile, end of the line, lowest of the pecking order, beneath the kids... Ok lady calm down we get it.
Don't let them in bed (no of course not) don't let the on the sofa (no way lady, never never) don't let them go through a door before you (as if) don't greet them first (seriously lady have you not looked how cute Boomer is), don't let them chew (what.. now c'mon lady, do you even know your stuff). So after about 30 minutes of being told how to basically Sargent Major your dog, oh and for all of this 30 minutes Boomer has been crying and scrabbling to get down from Sean's lap or mine they were eventually allowed to play.

It was like a free for all, worse than Primarni at Christmas, more hideous than peak hour in NYC and more chaotic than an 18th birthday party.
At first of course there was a lot of butt sniffing and everyone thought awww how cute, then they all became a bit braver. When I say all I actually mean just 2.... The fact that Daisy and Nora were "sleepy" aided Bella and Boomer to command the whole floor. At one stage there was a pile on with Daisy on the bottom, then Nora followed by Bella and of course King Dog Boomer on top. Puppy lady said on several occasions "There's that Staffy playfulness" exactly. Boomer is just playing.
Time out was called by puppy lady when Nora's mum said "Excuse me, she's got her foot stuck in his mouth" Puppy lady separated the 2 and then said "It's ok she's just got some fluff stuck in his teeth"
Nora has no fluff lady but thanks for the vote of confidence in our boy!
Oh Boomer.

Daisy is a bit of wee-er. Enough said. Nora apparently doesn't like tiles. (ok princess calm down) Bella is as cute as a button but I do feel she's leading Boomer astray.

Puppy lady spent about 30 minutes training us to train them to sit. (Still having to hold 7.7kg, struggling, crying Staffy) I actually wanted to tell her, look lady we've got this. Boomer learnt that in less than 5 minutes. (he's treat motivated... no he's not greedy, he has big paws he needs to have treats and to be fed 4 times a day) but I resisted and sat there smugly after the other 3 struggled with the basic command. Boomer was last to be "shown" how to sit, as soon as he saw that treat in her hand his butt was cemented firmly and well and truly to that floor. YEESSSSSS Boomer well done buddy.
He was sitting even before she reached in her pot for another one. Lots of jealous vibes from Daisy and Nora's family. Bella looked on whist-fully and also in awe at her partner in crime.

Another time for play, this time all but 2 a little more braver (not mentioning any names) Boomer and Bella decide to just pile on and bulldoze the other 2. Bella at one stage darts under the row of cages in the vets room and teases Boomer and taunts him until he squeezes his fat arse under there too. (that of course is a typo, I mean his muscular derrière) The other 2 breathe a sigh of relief I think as do their families then like the bullet train out hurtle Boomer and Bella and dive bomb straight on the other 2.

Time out again puppies. Oh Boomer, Oh Bella.

Nearing the end of class and we are all given an A4 double sided sheet of homework which includes.. Brushing your puppy, checking their ears, put them on their stomach to get them to know we're boss, sitting skills (ticked that box already), mat training, meeting people to include people wearing a helmet, people in clothing other than a uniform? what the?? people in wheelchairs, loud confident people and men with beards (what about women with beards??) also meeting babies. Goes on to say about smells, surfaces to walk on and experiences... watching people, crowds, motorcycles, trains and tasting a variety of foods. So Boomer will it be Chinese or Indian tonight?
Meeting other animals... Friendly dog (am glad they put that and not a miserable grumpy dog), cats, rabbit, horses, goats fish in tanks (hey Boomer this is a fish in a tank) oh and chickens. Sounds .. yes he has to have sound experience and a list of objects to play with.

Which is all very bloody lovely but puppy lady listen I have to work 20 hours a week and Sean works 155 million. When am I going to find the time to introduce Boomer to a fish and a horse and also the small problem aside from that he's only just had his last injection and is still under house arrest for another week.

This is NOT Boomer on the sofa. 

Nor this 

Look how good he sits. 

LATER THAT WEEK.... 

Good boy Boomer 

I've got 99 problems and the puppy is one .....

On top of my incredibly hectic life, working 20 hours (erm yes that's a week I'll have you know) and yes that is enough ( I actually have 2 jobs now so there, none of which are particularly fab so lets leave it there. I am as always looking and applying for everything, except those that have declined me or that I've already had the misfortune of working for prior. (although my old company offered me a job and then when I applied for it told me I was unsuccessful... how does that work??)
I have this week applied for 9 jobs. A record I do believe. Oh that's not including applying for the job I currently do, that one I've now applied for 3 times and been given it twice only to be then told I can't have it because I don't have Permanent Residency. Ha .... but now I do so can I have the job I asked my bosses boss.... erm "No Maddi HR have said you have to apply again.
 Queue tantrum and hair flicking ... no of course not at my bosses boss. I contained myself until I was in the stair well. Sigh.

The stair well by the way is a great place to hide and do stretches and to contemplate things... until some one else turns up then you look like a wally doing heel raises on the stairs because you have such bad calf cramp. (because I'm a super athlete remember)
I could lead on from that and say I am in fact retiring from the gym but if I put it in writing I may actually have to commit to that and that would make me sad. Bugger I did just write it. Hmmmm would that stand in a court of law? Would it even make a court of law? I'm not sure I have shoes suitable for court .... every cloud hey (queue shopping trip tomorrow to purchase such shoes.... well just in case) So the reason I maybe might have said to Sean about retiring from the gym is because I keep hurting myself. After stuffing up my back my silly hip flexors and glutes decided they needed a turn at being an idiot. So after weeks of being in pain I finally went to a physio who had great delight telling me "you're stiff as a brick and your posture is like a duck" I beamed and thanked him. I was less impressed when he was knelt behind me and asked me to touch my toes... not because I couldn't but more because my bottom was then right by his face. He didn't seem to mind as he asked me to do it 3 times. On the third try hey guess what .... I touched my toes, and it didn't hurt more than 7/10.

He had me on the floor doing stretches which hurt like buggery and he gave me no sympathy and then on my back with his elbow in my groin area again telling me "my god you ARE tight, I'll soon loosen you up" I wondered at this stage if the person in the next bay with his poorly knee was actually thinking he'd step into the wrong sort of "sports massage place"
True to his word my physio did loosen me up and proudly announced "There you go I've freed you up loads, now lie on your stomach while I get to work on your tight glute"

Going back tomorrow for round 2. Yay.

Leading on from the title, I always get distracted don't I. I could list all my 99 problems but that would just look like a shopping list and quite frankly boring, so I'm just going to let your imaginations run wild and think of all the problems you think I have, times it by a gazzillion and you're still way off.

But let me talk about my number one problem... my brand spanking new puppy dog... why is he a problem ... well apart from pissing and crapping in my house after I've just been standing in the garden for 30 minutes pleading with him to go "wee wee" and totally trying to destroy everything in the house like the non slip rubber from around his bowl, my slippers, my dressing gown... he's just too darn cute. I can't get any work done because all I want to do is cuddle him and tell him how beautiful he is and what a good boy he is.
I sat on the freezing cold tiled floor for 2 hours the other day because he looked comfy sat on my lap and I didn't want to disturb him. Luckily I had the fore sight to keep my phone handy so I could take a thousand and one photos of my beautiful puppy sleeping.
I worry about him all the time, is that ok and right that he's sniffing that leaf, oh crap now it's in his mouth, can he jump the 6 foot fence yet to get to the annoying kid on his trampoline, he's standing in my flower bed.... aww how cute .... crap he's just bitten a hole in the irrigation system Sean spent loads on and surprised me with the other day. Even though there's no snakes in my garden what IF..... there is one under my decking... isn't he amazing he can climbed the steps now... crap he can climb the steps, what a good boy carrying your bowl to your bed.... oh flip ... now his water bowl...no I'm not going to let you on the sofa .... ok so we'll have one 5 minute cuddle then you get down... yes peace at last... shit, where's the puppy.

We all have to work and go to college and this puppy dog cannot be left. It's like a military operation working out who will be home for Boomer. He has a crate which he actually does love but what if he gets upset in the 2 hours that he's left for... no one's there to tell him how beautiful he is.

How cool is his name, he of course knows it and comes running every time I say it.
A quick few facts about my gorgeous new puppy dog
1. He is mine and only mine, apart from when I don't want to be chewed, don't want my things to be chewed and don't want to keep telling him to stop chewing
2. He is the best puppy dog
3. He is the most gorgeous puppy dog
4. He is a little chunky for his age and may have been 1/3 bigger than his siblings when we got him
5. No he's not a fat dog... he's just bulking
6. So he took 3 hours to be born.. my first child took 4. There's no rules to this.
7. He took 3 hours as he may have got stuck coming out of his poor mum, the vet of course was too polite to say.
8. He's mine (did I already say that?)
9. He is totally and utterly loved and very much wanted
10. He is a nugget

I'm sure he will get used to his collar and not just keep freezing when it goes on, we have to get him used to it other wise Nora the sausage dog might laugh at him next week at puppy class. He's in a class of 5. I think he will have his eye on Bella the Frenchie, she'd better not distract my boy. Boomer is going to be top of the class I just know it.

SEE, look how beautiful he is, now you can understand why I can't get anything done, and look how comfy he is on my lap. Yes I know I look shite, 2 hour toilet checks for said puppy dog will do that to you.

(and yes out of all his array of toys the plastic bottle and burger box is his favourite, and of course he doesn't have his own shelf of treats, blankets and more toys. The fact he has 2 beds and a cushion to choose from to sleep on is perfectly normal!)