Landing with a bump

 My friend of almost 20 years very kindly met me from the airport, however, not my communication error but almost certainly 100% his, he thought when I said I land at 6.05 am I would indeed be springing off the areoplane into his arms at 6.06am. 

I warned him several times over the 9 months of planning it would most likely be nearer 7.30am by the time I got off, got luggage and make it through customs. not my fault he chose to ignore that vital piece of information. So out I spring to my beautiful friend who hasn't aged a bloody day and the last time I saw him was my wedding 18 years ago, me needing a small Sherpa plus donkey for my luggage and we embrace less than a millisecond before he's rushing me off in a lift as he has to be at work at 9am and the hotel he's booked for me is 90 minutes away and the same for him to get back to work. He then announced he spent all night at the airport Incase the plane came in early and he missed me (I have no logical reply for that to be honest) 

Time in London is like New York it goes quicker than any other city, I'm convinced because 1 minute I'm looking at my UK watch on my right wrist not my Singapore watch on my left wrist and it's 7.30am the next minute it's 8.30am. and I'm running down cobbled stoned streets chasing my friend and my luggage while I try and take in some of the historical London sights I've missed for the last 4 years, and procrastinating about Costa coffee and M&S (not that I could ever afford M&S when we lived here but that's not the point) 

My friend is yelling at me to hurry up and telling me about the hotel that he's not going to be able to get me there and himself back to work in time. But because I've just travelled all the way from Australia on my own I'm pretty sure I can get 1 train stop on my own and find the hotel "out of the station and right, past the hotel that looks really lovely, past the other one and then you're in the next one" ok, Rodger that. Simples hey. What would have been simple was before even getting on the train was if I'd worked out how to haul 1 x 30plus kg suitcase and 1 x 10ish kg, plus handbag of maybe x7 kg. Not gona lie it was a struggle, no one helped and it was traumatic. Clutching all bags for fear of someone robbing them, I did was was told to me and got off at the next station. Equally as hard getting all luggage off as it was on. Sigh. But hopeful and determined, off I walked to the exit, which was down 2 flights of stairs under the train track and up 2 flights of stairs. To be fair an old.guy asked if I wanted help, but sensing he may rob me I laughed and said 'Oh, no thanks, I've got this' then proceeded to practically break my own neck trying to get down and up the stairs. Double sigh.

To say I almost cried wouldn't be far from the truth, I was so tired and so exhausted the wheels on the suitcase just wouldn't behave and I just wanted my friend.

Of course the hotel wasn't a 5 minute walk like he said, 15 minutes at best and I'd found it, a small hurrah from me before falling through the door and finally letting out a sigh of relief. I could actually get in to bed...........

No wait I couldn't because the hotel wouldn't let me, oh no, no, no. We don't allow early check in, but your friend couldn't have paid for it, we don't allow it, why can't you show me your reservation, why don't you know your friends card details, you don't sound Australian, and no you can't have our wifi code until you're booked in (insanity at it's best here) 

The conversation went on and on and round and round in circles. Until I snapped and said just find me a room, any room or else I'm going to cry. Several tuts and eye rolling later and I was told to go and get a coffee and come back in 3 hours. Get a coffee and try and make it last 3 hours are you insane? Did you not hear me say I've just flown in from Australia, and yes I know I don't have an Australian accent some of us don't that live there, sigh, no I don't have an English mobile because I live in Australia, oh yes that's right again, I don't have an accent thank you for pointing that out for the 65th time. She hustled me out of that reception area like the bar staff after calling time, didn't even wish me to have a good time, 0 stars for you on your review. Thank goodness there was a coffee shop 3 minutes walk away so my trusty luggage with all 8 wonky wheels and I went there for a coffee and sundried sandwich which was pretty tasty, I got on their wifi and well, as the saying goes. Every cloud has a silver lining, and my friends, the silver lining for me that day was that my favourite shoe shop was having an amazing sale of the day. What are the chances. So I bought 2 pairs then quickly fired off a message to Sean saying there may be a little delivery coming for me while I'm away then quickly turned off my wifi!! 

Tootle - ooo 

Flying solo

 

I flew myself (well look I didn't fly the plane, merely I flew back by myself but that doesn't sound as fabulous the real way around) back to the UK, yes go me.

Of course I was not over the weight limit before I even left Australia, and of course I knew exactly what I was doing and what time all my flights were.

To pick up the story, this is how the flight from Singapore to the UK went .....

3 wines in and I  think my "partner" is dead. No joke, he hasn't moved for the last hour and his head is on his chest. Should I raise the alarm, should I maybe check his neck for 2 seconds like they do in the films, no one ever surely gets a pulse that quick in real life, right?

We were getting on so well, albeit the no eye contact. Jeez that bugs the shit out of me. But look he's my flying buddy for the next 13 hours so I'll give him a break. Plus he's a fellow Uk/ Aussie hybrid like me. So practically besties.

My other bestie who I actually got 3 vodkas out of at Singapore lay over is seated waaaay back in the plane. Shame because we were having a giggle. And I don't think it was just the vodka.

Have to say bitterly disappointed that Tom didn't make the plane.

What do you mean who's Tom??? TOM HARDY. My Tom. My love. Yeh yeh Sean knows. Everyone knows... all except Tom. Look he was probably busy doing a modelling shoot for the RSPCA. So he's excused. Oh the things I had planned for us in the air. He's probably had a lucky break. Hahaha.

And look I didn't cry saying good bye to Sean nor did I cry leaving Singapore, nor did I cry just before I started frantically typing this on my phone that I can barely see the screen and yes lady optician that I saw on Sunday I do think I need glasses and just because you don't doesn't make you right.

On my 3rd glass of wine. The very kind steward keeps filling me up. Air translation must have changed since covid. Twice now I've waved my hand to say no more but he's rushed off and filled me up.
So I smile. And say thank you. What else can I do.

Jeeze I've already been up since 3am this morning Aussie time and it's now maybe 5am the next day? Wait, is it? I'm wearing 2 watches, erm because I want to. Don't judge. My smart watch is on Singapore time which is 3 hrs behind Aus and my normal watch is on UK time.

You know I like to live dangerously. So depending on what wrist I look at, yes durh I don't wear both on the same wrist that's really dumb.

I could be in Singapore time or UK, So basically I've been up for a hundred hours and just scoffed noodles and crackers and now wine on top of wine on top of vodka..oh plus listening to Andy Whity AND I have extra leg room Aka my own little dance floor. Shit may get crazy in a bit.

The flight map which is opposite me and is on all the time is telling me we're just flying out of Singapore (thought we'd be a bit further than that, sigh). Oh no wait, it zoomed out we're over the sea, don't ask me which one. It's just the one you know near Singapore.
We are travelling at 929kmh which look I'm used to this speed with Sean so all good on that front. We are -41C and a million hours til we land.

Passenger check to left, yup he's still dead.
Bloody hell, I don't have time to be a witness and to  answer questions. I have Jack Will's to buy and see my bloody friends. Who I haven't seen for 4 years.
Yeh thanks covid you have pissed me off for sure.
Anyway back to dead person I didn't even get his name. Oh well.
Do you think he'd mind if I took his blanket? I could do with another one over my knees. Think they just upped the A/C

Am almost too frightened to sleep, I got my hair done today and it's pink. No not bright pink. Subtle like me. Looks pretty wicked. But I obviously want to walk off the plane looking like a Parisian model or like a giselle at the very least. And if I fall asleep I'm going to end up looking like Worzel Gummidge.

Not cool.

Thank you Andy Whitby for as always, banging tunes on your latest 37 bounce heaven album.

Oh and asking for a friend when is the appropriate time to recline chair? 
Think I've already annoyed the people behind when I had to jump up and get my headphone wire then as soon as I grabbed it I realised my phone was Bluetooth. Ooops.

Lights are dimmed now. Is that my cue to sleep? Hard job when Andy is pushing out some banging tunes.

Shit me though I'm bloody tired.

Signing off now for the 5 seconds I think I'm going to sleep.

Wish me luck