I flew myself (well look I didn't fly the plane, merely I flew back by myself but that doesn't sound as fabulous the real way around) back to the UK, yes go me.
Of course I was not over the weight limit before I even left Australia, and of course I knew exactly what I was doing and what time all my flights were.
To pick up the story, this is how the flight from Singapore to the UK went .....
3 wines in and I think my "partner" is dead. No joke, he hasn't moved for the last hour and his head is on his chest. Should I raise the alarm, should I maybe check his neck for 2 seconds like they do in the films, no one ever surely gets a pulse that quick in real life, right?
We were getting on so well, albeit the no eye contact. Jeez that bugs the shit out of me. But look he's my flying buddy for the next 13 hours so I'll give him a break. Plus he's a fellow Uk/ Aussie hybrid like me. So practically besties.
My other bestie who I actually got 3 vodkas out of at Singapore lay over is seated waaaay back in the plane. Shame because we were having a giggle. And I don't think it was just the vodka.
Have to say bitterly disappointed that Tom didn't make the plane.
What do you mean who's Tom??? TOM HARDY. My Tom. My love. Yeh yeh Sean knows. Everyone knows... all except Tom. Look he was probably busy doing a modelling shoot for the RSPCA. So he's excused. Oh the things I had planned for us in the air. He's probably had a lucky break. Hahaha.
And look I didn't cry saying good bye to Sean nor did I cry leaving Singapore, nor did I cry just before I started frantically typing this on my phone that I can barely see the screen and yes lady optician that I saw on Sunday I do think I need glasses and just because you don't doesn't make you right.
On my 3rd glass of wine. The very kind steward keeps filling me up. Air translation must have changed since covid. Twice now I've waved my hand to say no more but he's rushed off and filled me up.
So I smile. And say thank you. What else can I do.
Jeeze I've already been up since 3am this morning Aussie time and it's now maybe 5am the next day? Wait, is it? I'm wearing 2 watches, erm because I want to. Don't judge. My smart watch is on Singapore time which is 3 hrs behind Aus and my normal watch is on UK time.
You know I like to live dangerously. So depending on what wrist I look at, yes durh I don't wear both on the same wrist that's really dumb.
I could be in Singapore time or UK, So basically I've been up for a hundred hours and just scoffed noodles and crackers and now wine on top of wine on top of vodka..oh plus listening to Andy Whity AND I have extra leg room Aka my own little dance floor. Shit may get crazy in a bit.
The flight map which is opposite me and is on all the time is telling me we're just flying out of Singapore (thought we'd be a bit further than that, sigh). Oh no wait, it zoomed out we're over the sea, don't ask me which one. It's just the one you know near Singapore.
We are travelling at 929kmh which look I'm used to this speed with Sean so all good on that front. We are -41C and a million hours til we land.
Passenger check to left, yup he's still dead.
Bloody hell, I don't have time to be a witness and to answer questions. I have Jack Will's to buy and see my bloody friends. Who I haven't seen for 4 years.
Yeh thanks covid you have pissed me off for sure.
Anyway back to dead person I didn't even get his name. Oh well.
Do you think he'd mind if I took his blanket? I could do with another one over my knees. Think they just upped the A/C
Am almost too frightened to sleep, I got my hair done today and it's pink. No not bright pink. Subtle like me. Looks pretty wicked. But I obviously want to walk off the plane looking like a Parisian model or like a giselle at the very least. And if I fall asleep I'm going to end up looking like Worzel Gummidge.
Not cool.
Thank you Andy Whitby for as always, banging tunes on your latest 37 bounce heaven album.
Oh and asking for a friend when is the appropriate time to recline chair?
Think I've already annoyed the people behind when I had to jump up and get my headphone wire then as soon as I grabbed it I realised my phone was Bluetooth. Ooops.
Lights are dimmed now. Is that my cue to sleep? Hard job when Andy is pushing out some banging tunes.
Shit me though I'm bloody tired.
Signing off now for the 5 seconds I think I'm going to sleep.
Wish me luck
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