Yesterday was Christmas day as I'm sure you all know and don't need telling.
We have I guess you'd call it a tradition where no presents are put under the tree until late Christmas eve.
This year is no exception, once the kids are in bed I go and get all the presents from their hiding place which I think is universal all over the world, from the wardrobe, right? The miraculous thing is that I, like every other mum I believe, seem to manage to hide all the presents into the smallest of hiding places. Feeling good and chuffed with myself and remembering (or so I thought) all of the hiding places I then can relax. List checked for the millionth time that yes everything I've bought is wrapped and I have bought enough presents.
So Christmas morning comes along and the stocking are dragged in to our room by the children (yes I know they're now 14 and 18 but they still get a stocking)
We then break from tradition and go straight to the tree to open presents. We agree to 2 then breakfast then more presents but we end up doing 3.
Breakfast is a leisurely affair now we have a hot Christmas we eat outside.
Back to presents. Ob was in charge of dishing out presents which he did very well until after about 15 minutes he says 'Why hasn't Charlotte opened any presents' 'what I shriek, she has' I look at Charlotte and she's all quiet and says 'I haven't opened any more'. Out comes trusty list and I'm looking for Charlotte shaped presents under the tree and there are NONE
But not to worry I run to the wardrobe which is now a walk in robe don't you know, so this is where the trouble begins. There was only so many presents I could hide in the robe, what with both birthdays and Christmas so I had to improvise. I knew I had some in the garage but I'd checked there 5 times and they were not there. Checked the suitcase in the robe, nope not there. Sigh.
Slight panic begins to set in while Sean and Ob are laughing while Charlotte sends a group tx to her friends saying " charming, mum's lost my presents"
Sean then decides to help and checks the robe that I've already checked 4 times and the garage now 6 times. Spare room checked, nope not there, TV unit in the family room, nope not there.
Back to the tree to see if they had magically appeared there and they hadn't. Back to the robe I go again and they still haven't appeared then, just as I'm about to really panic I spy one of the moving boxes in the corner Sean's side and then the old light bulb goes on and YES I remember now .... I attack that box like a woman possessed and there they are sitting all pretty and just waiting to be put under the tree.
The ironic thing is that we'd been telling Charlotte she wasn't getting any presents now she's 18 and then for that to happen ... well, I thought it was funny.
Another tradition of ours is that we always go for a Christmas day walk regardless of weather and we smile for the camera and make it look like we're not freezing cold or soaking wet. This year because it's so boiling we excused the kids and Sean and I went on our own. Before we leave Sean asks "shall we put the gammon (or ham as its known here) on Mad" "No" I reply quite smugly it only takes an hour and forty five minutes we can do it when we get back, we won't be long"
Sean looks at me confused and asks "are you sure it doesn't take longer Mad? "
Of course I'm sure I shriek back, Jamie told me (I talk about Jamie Oliver as if he's my best friend, I wish he was, or at least a friend)
I thrust the Woolhworths magazine at Sean and say look here it is, in big letters ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES COOKING TIME.
Sean then reads with great concentration on his face and turns to me and says "Mad, you're supposed to marinade the meat over night, then bring it to room temperature for 30 minutes, then cook it for ONE HOUR FORTY FIVE MINUTES, then rest it again for 30 minutes"
Bugger, Are you sure" " Yes Mad" I'm told.
Hmmmm.
Epic fail, at this rate we wouldn't be eating until 5 and we were due to go to our neighbours at 6 who were also cooking for us. Gulp.
So we get the meat done with all the fancy ingredients including star Annise I might add plus Chinese five spice (get us) decorate with sprigs of Rosemary that sadly Jamie I have to add were not fresh from our garden (with no snakes!) Chuck it in the fridge, which I must say is so big I have to empty at least half of the fridge out to get this ham in (which on closer inspection is supposed to feed between 16 and 20 people) head to the lake for our Christmas day walk. Which by the way was lovely.
I have to say though Jamie the meat did not take ONE HOUR 45 MINUTES it was well over two and a half but because we're mates I'll let you off.
So lessons learnt yesterday was to write on trusty list where presents are hidden plus read the instructions properly including the small print on all new recipes.
Saturday, 26 December 2015
Friday, 25 December 2015
Star baker .. I am not
G'day everyone.
It's that time of year again when 3 of the 4 of us go and have birthdays all within a week of each other. Crazy right, but the more people I talk to the more I hear other people are just as stupid!
I could firstly tell you about the birthdays but in truth 2 of the 4 of us were poorly on 2 of the 3 birthdays. So that's not what I'm going to do.
Instead I'm going to share with you my wonderful cake creations.
In my head and I blame a lot if not all of this down to bake off, they make things look easy and when I'm watching it I sit and shout at the telly how hard can THAT be, (amongst other unprintable things)
So the theme this year for Ob's cake was some weights. How hard can that be right? In my head as all my creations are, they are marvellous, fantastic and look exactly how they should do. Sadly in truth they end up with me getting the hump and turning the air blue.
Like I said this year I made some cakes to look like weights. I was actually prepared this year and made the sponges about 2 weeks before. I thought I was on a roll. Sean buys the black icing and away I go. Only it's not away I go. The icing wont roll, it sticks to the bench top and has now made my wooden rolling pin have bits of black embedded in so it looks mouldy now. Sigh.
I managed to sort of get it on to one of the cakes while grumbling very loudly while I might add Sean lays on the sofa being ill. He dares to glance over and timidly asks if I want help. So I scream back at him I didn't and how can this be so hard whilst also screaming I am never doing this again. (I feel at this stage he is praying I don't).
With one of the cakes covered in black icing that is now white from me rolling it in icing sugar I turn to the next "weight" only it won't stay propped up against the other one like it's supposed to be doing in my marvellous creation. So more very loud grumbling and a few tears (of anger) and Sean drags himself over. "Don't touch anything" I'm screaming "I don't want your germs" he props himself up and looks at the cake and this is why he should get husband of the year "It's not that bad Mad" Of course I don't accept his lies and scream even louder.
Let me tell you making letters out of icing is NOT easy either and no matter how many times I could not get it right. As I'm writing this I'm debating over sharing my photos as I don't know if I can risk not causing any one an injury as you fall off your chair in hysterics.
By now I am over this cake (Aussie for fed up, had enough etc) so I resist throwing it at the wall and cover it with a tea towel ready for the big reveal to Ob. Secretly hoping the tea towel will some how magic away my marvellous creation and leave a true to life one)
It doesn't happen sadly, on presentation to Ob my marvellous creation I take a sly glance at Charlotte and I proudly hand over the marvellous creation like Mufasa did with Simba the Lion King and she is struggling to hold back the giggles, actually there was no struggling at all. She's laughing, I look at Sean and growl and see he is laughing too, look at the birthday boy and his face is sheer horror and stutters 'erm thank you' I ask if he can see what it is and he in true honest Ob form shrugs and says 'no', 'it's weights I scream' he laughs and say 'oh yeh' not at all convince. So I point out look 'it's weights it's got 20kgs on and Ob 14'. He looks at me and says 'oh yeh' then laughs a bit more and says 'it's very good'
It may not have looked as good as it did in my head but it tasted delicious and that's all that matters.
When it came to Charlotte's birthday I decided that I'd buy her a cake and rid myself of the stress of baking one. First time in 18 years so not bad hey?
I have also included when, again this is bake off's fault, I made bagels and hot cross buns. Easy they said, piece of cake they said. LIARS I SCREAM.
My bagels did not turn out with a perfect hole after swinging them around with 2 fingers in the middle and the hot cross buns were not a dream to make like the program informed me it would.
It's that time of year again when 3 of the 4 of us go and have birthdays all within a week of each other. Crazy right, but the more people I talk to the more I hear other people are just as stupid!
I could firstly tell you about the birthdays but in truth 2 of the 4 of us were poorly on 2 of the 3 birthdays. So that's not what I'm going to do.
Instead I'm going to share with you my wonderful cake creations.
In my head and I blame a lot if not all of this down to bake off, they make things look easy and when I'm watching it I sit and shout at the telly how hard can THAT be, (amongst other unprintable things)
So the theme this year for Ob's cake was some weights. How hard can that be right? In my head as all my creations are, they are marvellous, fantastic and look exactly how they should do. Sadly in truth they end up with me getting the hump and turning the air blue.
Like I said this year I made some cakes to look like weights. I was actually prepared this year and made the sponges about 2 weeks before. I thought I was on a roll. Sean buys the black icing and away I go. Only it's not away I go. The icing wont roll, it sticks to the bench top and has now made my wooden rolling pin have bits of black embedded in so it looks mouldy now. Sigh.
I managed to sort of get it on to one of the cakes while grumbling very loudly while I might add Sean lays on the sofa being ill. He dares to glance over and timidly asks if I want help. So I scream back at him I didn't and how can this be so hard whilst also screaming I am never doing this again. (I feel at this stage he is praying I don't).
With one of the cakes covered in black icing that is now white from me rolling it in icing sugar I turn to the next "weight" only it won't stay propped up against the other one like it's supposed to be doing in my marvellous creation. So more very loud grumbling and a few tears (of anger) and Sean drags himself over. "Don't touch anything" I'm screaming "I don't want your germs" he props himself up and looks at the cake and this is why he should get husband of the year "It's not that bad Mad" Of course I don't accept his lies and scream even louder.
Let me tell you making letters out of icing is NOT easy either and no matter how many times I could not get it right. As I'm writing this I'm debating over sharing my photos as I don't know if I can risk not causing any one an injury as you fall off your chair in hysterics.
By now I am over this cake (Aussie for fed up, had enough etc) so I resist throwing it at the wall and cover it with a tea towel ready for the big reveal to Ob. Secretly hoping the tea towel will some how magic away my marvellous creation and leave a true to life one)
It doesn't happen sadly, on presentation to Ob my marvellous creation I take a sly glance at Charlotte and I proudly hand over the marvellous creation like Mufasa did with Simba the Lion King and she is struggling to hold back the giggles, actually there was no struggling at all. She's laughing, I look at Sean and growl and see he is laughing too, look at the birthday boy and his face is sheer horror and stutters 'erm thank you' I ask if he can see what it is and he in true honest Ob form shrugs and says 'no', 'it's weights I scream' he laughs and say 'oh yeh' not at all convince. So I point out look 'it's weights it's got 20kgs on and Ob 14'. He looks at me and says 'oh yeh' then laughs a bit more and says 'it's very good'
It may not have looked as good as it did in my head but it tasted delicious and that's all that matters.
When it came to Charlotte's birthday I decided that I'd buy her a cake and rid myself of the stress of baking one. First time in 18 years so not bad hey?
I have also included when, again this is bake off's fault, I made bagels and hot cross buns. Easy they said, piece of cake they said. LIARS I SCREAM.
My bagels did not turn out with a perfect hole after swinging them around with 2 fingers in the middle and the hot cross buns were not a dream to make like the program informed me it would.
There have been so many more disasters in the kitchen that I could litreally write a book. May be I will. It could be called 'Guess my cake'
Ob's Game of Thrones cake for his 13th. But I don't need to tell you that, obvious isn't it.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
3 on the bed and apologies
So its that time again when I have a day off so can write about my adventures and yes first I have to go food shopping. Sigh, which results in my fear of will the trolley coin work this time (remember so far it hasn't) As I'm walking to the trolleys I see an abandoned one that's not chained to its siblings, so I do a little fist pump in the air and grab it from the clutches of the old man about to do the same. If he knew my battle with trolleys and Aldi in general I'm sure he would've been sympathetic.
So off I trundle and grab all the bits I need, I timed it right, just before all the other annoying mums have got there after dropping off their children at school.
So, at the till there is not my normal friendly person whom I chat to, instead it's this half wit, he looks about as impressed to be there as I do, he was NOT impressed when I couldn't remember my pin number and sighed louder than I do, so I told him there was no need for that (everything over here is efpos aka tap and pay so really no need to remember pin unless its over $100) so after 2 attempts and me forgetting which account I want them to rob me from and also taking my card out too early resulting in half wit having to put the amount through for the third time I'm then free.
We are now in the third week of the store opening and so far I have had 1 kiss on the cheek from a very excited elderly man with a very stubbly face and was asked this by a very odd man "would you like to join my wife and I on the bed" my reply "erm no thank you" odd man "could you please we want to see what it's like" "See what what's like" I screech back, odd man then tells me he's buying a mattress as a sofa and he wants to see what it's like with 3 people sitting on it. So I politely try and tell him we actually sell sofas and try and push him in that direction, but no, odd man is insistent I join him and his wife on the bed. Sigh.
So I slowly walk to the bed with odd mans wife beaming at me and patting the bed beside her so I sit at the opposite end on the edge and fake smile back. Odd man jumps in the middle and asks me if I'd mind sitting back further, so I reluctantly do only for him and her to then start bouncing up and down resulting in me looking like an idiot being bounce up and down. So I shriek at them "what are you doing" odd man says "seeing how much it bounces can you feel it" I replied "NO" and promptly got off and with folded arms and demanded "are you buying that or not" they did actually buy it and they were extremely pleased with their mattress as a sofa. (weird people of Canberra)
I also had a customer ask me a question and on hearing my reply asked my where about in Finland was I from. So yet again I find myself explaining "No, I'm not Finnish I'm English" resulting in him looking at me as if I'm telling the most extortionate lie and walks off.
So I ask myself again with a puzzled face do I sound Finnish? Double sigh.
Did have a result with home delivery last week (Sean very kindly did it for me so I didn't have the trauma of going to Aldi, I did feel loved I can tell you) anyway it turns up bang on time and as I'm unloading it I'm seeing not 1 but 5 packs of bacon. Wow I thought Sean must really want bacon. So I tx and ask him what's with the 5 packs of bacon he replies by saying he only ordered 1, check receipt and yup only paid for 1. Yay result, if only the bacon was proper bacon we'd be laughing.
Also got more chicken than we bargained for and a refund for some bits that weren't in stock but yet actually go delivered. Happy days.
On to the last thing, I was Christmas shopping last week (which is odd and confusing doing it in shorts and flip flops and in a bazillion degrees) so I'm in a bit of a flap and not really concentrating where I am or what I'm doing (in true Maddi style) and I some how manage to trip over a blind man's stick, actually looking back I think he did it on purpose. My legs were doing the river dance as I tripped over then tried avoiding it again while he was just trying to get out of the shop. Sorry blind man, I then go to the next shop where the poor man at the till has only got one arm, he was struggling with the coat hanger so I asked "Do you want a hand" quickly realise the error of my question and then blurt out "of course you'd like a hand I mean help, shall I help you" I then end up screeching at him. So I'm sorry one handed man if I offended you.
Oh and the very last thing as I'm getting out of my car this morning I realise my dress is some how hitched up and I'm showing off my very pretty M&S spotty pants just as the neighbours 2 doors down drive past. Cringe. They don't know me so all is well. I just hope I didn't wander around Aldi like it. Gulp.
So off I trundle and grab all the bits I need, I timed it right, just before all the other annoying mums have got there after dropping off their children at school.
So, at the till there is not my normal friendly person whom I chat to, instead it's this half wit, he looks about as impressed to be there as I do, he was NOT impressed when I couldn't remember my pin number and sighed louder than I do, so I told him there was no need for that (everything over here is efpos aka tap and pay so really no need to remember pin unless its over $100) so after 2 attempts and me forgetting which account I want them to rob me from and also taking my card out too early resulting in half wit having to put the amount through for the third time I'm then free.
We are now in the third week of the store opening and so far I have had 1 kiss on the cheek from a very excited elderly man with a very stubbly face and was asked this by a very odd man "would you like to join my wife and I on the bed" my reply "erm no thank you" odd man "could you please we want to see what it's like" "See what what's like" I screech back, odd man then tells me he's buying a mattress as a sofa and he wants to see what it's like with 3 people sitting on it. So I politely try and tell him we actually sell sofas and try and push him in that direction, but no, odd man is insistent I join him and his wife on the bed. Sigh.
So I slowly walk to the bed with odd mans wife beaming at me and patting the bed beside her so I sit at the opposite end on the edge and fake smile back. Odd man jumps in the middle and asks me if I'd mind sitting back further, so I reluctantly do only for him and her to then start bouncing up and down resulting in me looking like an idiot being bounce up and down. So I shriek at them "what are you doing" odd man says "seeing how much it bounces can you feel it" I replied "NO" and promptly got off and with folded arms and demanded "are you buying that or not" they did actually buy it and they were extremely pleased with their mattress as a sofa. (weird people of Canberra)
I also had a customer ask me a question and on hearing my reply asked my where about in Finland was I from. So yet again I find myself explaining "No, I'm not Finnish I'm English" resulting in him looking at me as if I'm telling the most extortionate lie and walks off.
So I ask myself again with a puzzled face do I sound Finnish? Double sigh.
Did have a result with home delivery last week (Sean very kindly did it for me so I didn't have the trauma of going to Aldi, I did feel loved I can tell you) anyway it turns up bang on time and as I'm unloading it I'm seeing not 1 but 5 packs of bacon. Wow I thought Sean must really want bacon. So I tx and ask him what's with the 5 packs of bacon he replies by saying he only ordered 1, check receipt and yup only paid for 1. Yay result, if only the bacon was proper bacon we'd be laughing.
Also got more chicken than we bargained for and a refund for some bits that weren't in stock but yet actually go delivered. Happy days.
On to the last thing, I was Christmas shopping last week (which is odd and confusing doing it in shorts and flip flops and in a bazillion degrees) so I'm in a bit of a flap and not really concentrating where I am or what I'm doing (in true Maddi style) and I some how manage to trip over a blind man's stick, actually looking back I think he did it on purpose. My legs were doing the river dance as I tripped over then tried avoiding it again while he was just trying to get out of the shop. Sorry blind man, I then go to the next shop where the poor man at the till has only got one arm, he was struggling with the coat hanger so I asked "Do you want a hand" quickly realise the error of my question and then blurt out "of course you'd like a hand I mean help, shall I help you" I then end up screeching at him. So I'm sorry one handed man if I offended you.
Oh and the very last thing as I'm getting out of my car this morning I realise my dress is some how hitched up and I'm showing off my very pretty M&S spotty pants just as the neighbours 2 doors down drive past. Cringe. They don't know me so all is well. I just hope I didn't wander around Aldi like it. Gulp.
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