"It's just 2 blades Mum"

After nearly 2 amazing fab years of living in Australia we decided it was time to fly back to the UK (plus the trip was paid for and we had to go back within the 2 years, but nevertheless) our lovely friend Lex was due to pick us up at 3pm, we had a slight wobble 20 minutes before when Sean started shrieking “We have to book in Mad by 3pm”. “Oh ok” I tell him.
All of a sudden our calm lazy Sunday waiting and chilling for Lex drastically became a shrieking match and frantic googling “latest check ins” “Qantas telephone number” and “in flight  movies” (well I was curious). We finally concluded that we were ok we had until 3.40pm to check in. Yay us. Still shrieking and Sean checking his watch every 3 seconds we got to the airport on time, baggage checked and that all important question asked “do you have spare or loose batteries” “no, of course we don’t” but no that’s not true “I do” a little voice pipes up. Ob is then asked to get said batteries and put in his hand luggage. We wave goodbye to our luggage with me trying to remember the 4 different coloured ribbons I'd tied to the suitcases and went through the scanners. I for once sail through and fist pumped the air and felt rather chuffed,  meanwhile I look behind and there’s a slight cafuffle around Ob. There’s one guy holding the drug wand or what ever is it trying to get Ob with it, meanwhile I hear Ob saying “I forgot it was in my wallet” panic stations again, “Whaaaaat, what’s in your wallet” I’m shrieking. “Just my multi tool, but don’t worry it’s only got 2 blades” he tells me.
With the drug wand still wafting around him I might add. I look at Sean in desperation and demand he tells me why our son was trying to smuggle on a 2 knifed blade. “It’s not sharp mum, don’t worry”
The drug wand operator is almost laughing and telling us if he wants to keep it he can put it in his luggage, not sure how he’d put it in there as it was on the conveyor belt and on its way to our plane (I hope) in true Ob style he just shrugged and said “it’s ok I can get another one” more telling off from me and then he’s finally swiped by the drug wand. All clear thank goodness. (Later found out it's an explosive detector)
I then have that sudden awful feeling when I realise that I had taken my batteries out of my toothbrush and they were in fact loose. Sean also admitted to having spare loose ones. Gulp.
We panicked and went back to the desk but then thought how will they get our suitcases and surely it can’t be THAT much of a big deal. More Google searching and Ob said it’s only happened 9 times in the last 20 years and it was more lithium batteries. Well I said to Sean “mine are Duracell, so I’m sure mine are ok and not likely to blow us all up”  even so I was nervous, we went and spoke to one of the people scanning everyone and said “We may have taken our batteries out of our toothbrush and the guy at the desk said all batteries had to be in the object or in hand luggage.” In true Aussie style they almost fell over laughing “That’s alright, it’s just big batteries, toothbrush ones are fine”
We board and leave Canberra no problem, everything tickety boo, get to Melbourne and hour later and well, this happens......
We get to the passport stop and have to of course show our passports. I go through no probs, Charlotte follows no probs and also Sean. When it comes to Ob… he’s there waiting for the barrier to let him through but it doesn’t. The angry man then swipes him and tell him to go to the desk. Meanwhile I’m ordered to stand behind the line (which I have to say there wasn’t one but guess angry man wanted to show off his authority) I see Ob standing looking very meek and mild at the desk and I’m thinking crikey what’s he tried smuggling in now. More questions are asked we can’t hear what they’re asking and I’m beginning to get irritated. Ob then calls Sean over and I hear him say visa, 2 years, new passport and 3 weeks ago.
My heart is starting to sink and I feel this is the furthest we’re getting. Then the boys appear from the desk and have to go to another desk where Sean explains Ob’s new passport hasn’t got our visa linked to it and if it’s not done while we’re away he wont be allowed back in to Australia. But apparently it’s easy to do you just download a form. Not sure where from or what form but “it’s online”
Currently typing this on the last leg to the UK and so far so good. Only 4 hours of the 23 hours to go. My trusty UP band informed me I’ve had 33 minutes sleep. So I’m doing well towards my 6 hour average. Sigh.
Landing at Dubai we had to clear the scanners again and yup this time it was me who they picked out. I had to go into a little room and literally got felt up by this lady who was not gentle and did not appreciate my personal space. I’m not sure what she thought I was hiding in my bra when she patted by boobs like they were bongo drums. Or my bottom. Any how I was let loose and able to grab my hand luggage and shoes from the conveyor belt only to be … wait for it……………….to be vomited on.
I feel violated, I won’t go into too many details but luckily Dubai had showers and luckily Charlotte and I are the same size top. She’s now sat in her hoody I am now in her vest top. I’m am NOT a happy bunny as you can imagine and I hope karma get that lady back. Gross.

The best news is I’ve just had a rum and coke for breakfast. How awesome is that. Well I felt it was rude not too, especially when I was asked “Would you like a drink” quick glance to my new birthday watch (I’m so spoilt, also got a Tiffany bracelet and a beautiful Pandora ring, when I told Sean I had to buy another one to go with it, he didn’t understand and was actually shocked. Erm Sean I need another one to stack, don’t you know anything. I also had an extremely posh lunch. Oysters for starters…. How grown up am I!!

Have to quickly tell you, my birthday resulted in me flashing my bottom to a man a few feet away from us in the sea because my stupid bikini was too big and a huge wave came and got me. So to teach it a lesson I threw the bottoms in one bin and drove to the next town and put the top in another. There, no more flashing)
Back to the Rum and coke, my watch is still on Australia time being 5.30 pm, Sean then informed me it was actually 6.30 am Dubai time. But like the Aussie’s say when they drink in the morning “It’s 5 O’clock somewhere”  Maybe I should just stick all my watches on to 5pm. Hahaha.
Ob is trying to explain to me that we will have had 3 lunch times by the time we land. Charlotte is sleeping AGAIN, after sleeping most of the 15 hours to Dubai she’s now topping up with an extra 7 before landing. No doubt she’ll sleep the car journey too.
So I’m ending now and when I get WiFi I will post this but hopefully I will have more tales to share with you as the holiday goes on, pretty good start so far hey.

Oh and prior to this my neighbour calls and tx’s while we have the 5 hour wait in Melbourne to say “Did you post the key in the mail box because it’s not there” Only minimal panicking from me purely because I’d left Charlotte’s birthday cake on the side for them to eat or chuck and I was thinking that’s going to be gross after 3 weeks, I was also wondering how Ellen would feel about smashing a window to get in. Single pane windows don’t forget, if you cough near them they crack so it wouldn’t be too hard. Luckily she found it so panic over.

Slight attention to detail and that we haven't actually anyone to pick us up from the airport in 3 weeks time when we land. All the other destinations we have but just not one when we get home. Lex to the rescue (hopefully) like I said minor detail.

What's your emergency?

I should be looking for jobs (yes I know when aren't I) funnily enough the last job I applied for which happened to be about the 5th time of applying I got the ever faithful standard response "you have been unsuccessful" they always ask if you want more feedback then to email, so I do only to be told again "you were unsuccessful" as if hearing it the first time wasn't bad enough. This time though was erm slightly better I think? You decide. "You failed to include 2 referee's, you didn't upload your resume and you sent in a blank form for the selection criteria" OK, but apart from that at least I spelt my name right and put the right email address. Brownie points for me I think.
I actually blame Sean (when don't I) he supposedly helped me the last time, so as he's the technical master it surely has to be his fault?
It took me back to my art exam when I was 13, we had a double lesson of 1 hour 10 minutes to draw anything, absolutely anything. So I pondered this and from recollection I tried doodling several things probably hearts and flowers as that's my limit. But then I had the old light bulb moment, I drew around my ruler and my rubber, TA DAH. My friend seeing my genius idea copied me and also drew around said ruler and rubber. The end result I was given 1% and she was give 3% not that I'm bitter about this but the only reason why she got 3%..... she wrote the numbers on her ruler. How wrong is that. Isn't art supposed to be all about self expression and how you see an object? Well that's how I saw my ruler, blank, uninspiring and plain. Clearly the teacher thought so too. I vaguely remember having a telling off for "wasting a double lesson drawing around 2 objects" I bet Picasso never got told off for time wasting.
So I'll keep you posted how this week's job offer turn out.

I also should be preparing for work I have to take a client out which surprise surprise no one else will "he's just a little quirky" yeah right. Yesterday I was called to the office (I did think it may have been due to my staff survey questionnaire, are they really anonymous, I really hope so) but no it was because one of my clients has declared his undying love to me on 2 sides of A4, I'm actually surprised he had so much to say. I couldn't read much of it as it was such tiny scrawl only the bits he's written in capitals I LOVE YOU. Hmm, euuugh, sigh and oh god. So now when I see him I have to wear dark glasses so he can't see my "lovely eyes" I'm growing a beard (not sure how but I'm on a Russian site as I type looking for some special tablets) to hide my "beautiful smile" and also I must never laugh in his presence. It's gonna be tough as he's a 4 hour visit every week but I think i can manage it. I thought I'd made it clear last visit the purpose of the visit, clearly "I'm here to help you gain independence was code for fall in love with me" oh blimey.

I'm digressing, I always thinks there's not much to tell you but then when I start my brain is like Usain Bolt, it goes a million miles an hour. Just wish my fingers could keep up.

Now you're all expecting some kind of hysterical story otherwise why would you be reading this?! This is cracker of a story. Debated writing about it as it actually wasn't funny but now looking back and everyone's calmed down it kinda is.
We and 7 friends went camping last weekend, I'm going to skip the parts about it being like the movie "the hangover" as that's not the story this time. Our friends bought with them their Dutch friend who is here visiting them for 4 weeks. The first night he sat staring at the camp fire and did NOT utter a word, I think the fact that 6 bottles of wine, 1 bottle of bubbles and 2 1/2 litres of gin were consumed oh and a few beers and a bit of vodka so there were a lot of raised voices and conversations that perhaps are best kept secret. To say the conversations were interesting is an understatement. Several bloopers later mainly by me which I'm not declaring or what my friend was screaming out as she wanted chips (aka crisps to us normal people). So here's the picture he was a very quiet man......
Sunday morning came and this friend decided to take himself off on a 4km bush walk. Left at 12 midday and arrived back at 9am Monday morning. Yes I know you're doing the maths and you have the frown when you're saying to yourself "what, 4km's in 21 hours" those of you working out the miles its 2.48.
It got to 5pm and those of us left at camp were beginning to think he's been a long time. By 6pm he's been a very long time. By 6.30pm police called and informed of his mysterious disappearance. 7pm, police arrive, should point out there's no signal on the campsite so we had to wander around the beach holding our phones in the air like we're at some Justin Beiber concert and wait for those magical bars to appear then grow 8 feet tall so the phone doesn't' loose signal.
Sean and I were no help to the police on account that we didn't know this guy, Sean was too busy taking photos of the flashing lights I was too busy well too busy just being me really.

Mountain rescuers were dispatched and police rescuers, SES (State Emergency Services) also dispatched and tension grew and the camp site became very sombre. We could hear the sirens in the bush and them calling his name, the idea behind the sirens were that he would hear them and call back, case closed all good. Only he didn't. They had to stop searching at 11pm for their own safety and then resumed at 6am the following morning. At 12.30 am a police man came over carrying his hat...... asked "is this his hat" you could hear the thud our friends hearts fall, yes it was his hat.
It was a long night to say the least and one I will not forget for 2 reasons. 1 being this and the other I was bitten several million times by a nasty mosquito after practically spraying a whole can of bushman's on me which by the way is supposed to stop a shark dead in it's track it's that strong. But no, not for poor me. I look like a walking dot to dot. Sigh.
Back to the missing man, he eventually was found walking through the bush and straight into one of the rescuers. This is what happened, he made the bush walk to the mountain and found the path to the beach, but instead of walking to Pretty Beach where we were camped he started walking to Pebbly Beach. Got cut off by the tide and decided to make a shelter and do the sensible thing and sleep on the beach. (he also was eaten alive by sand flies) he then in the morning after realising all night that Sean and our friend weren't on their white stallions to come get him, used his camera to zoom in to the part of the cliff that had the rope bridge that he used to climb down in the first place, got back to here and came back up the ladder back to the bush track and hooray found a happy smiling ironically enough Dutch rescuer.
Feeling very sorry for himself he was allowed to have a cup of tea and some breakfast before having to change his flat tyre on his hire car and then as a special thank you to Australia for letting him sleep on the beach on the way home he killed a kangaroo with his car!!!

Now these are the friends that last time we went away with them the shark copter was flying above us whilst on the beach and also the same ones that had the unfortunate encounter with the stone fish. Now I'm not saying they're jinxed or anything but next time "we're busy"!!!

Thats all folks till next time.

Dancing with the Stars

A quick trip to Melbourne this weekend to celebrate our very happy 13 years of marriage. Yay us. As you remember we went there last year and thats where we witnessed the hook turns. To turn right you must turn left.
This year we learnt about crossing the road to a countdown and diagonally. You could actually cross in any direction we just wanted to do diagonal because we never have and it felt odd let me tell you.
We waited for the first countdown to go as we weren't sure that 30 seconds was enough time to get across the road.

While we were away we thought we'd go clubbing, as Melbourne is known for being hipster and cool much like ourselves we thought we'd dust the old white gloves and glo sticks off and party like it's 1999.
So, after much deliberation and several minutes spent googling "Best place to party in Melbourne" (I discounted the swingers clubs it came up with and hid Sean's truck keys...... just in case) tried googling "Clubs that play Melbourne bounce" (for those that aren't as cool and hipster as us you need to find out what you're missing) still my search was blank, Google must have been having an off day, I get it, it's hard being Google.
So then we decided we would go to a night club at the casino. Now this casino was ginormous. It was airport size and that's no lie. There were so many people there it was just incredible. (Also a lot of shops with security staff and things with no price tags so we avoided them as we travelled light and had no room for extra goodies)
Started off the evening nicely with my favourite drink Espresso Martini, not the best I've had but still not bad. Sean had a whiskey sour which confused me as he normally gets an old fashioned and after sitting there puzzled for about 30 minutes I asked "Why is your old fashioned frothy and the wrong colour" "Because it's not an old fashioned Mad, it's a whiskey sour" I was told with a sigh. Ooops
Not that we were clock watching or eager to get our groove on but we were keen to get to the club, after trecking through the casino (step counter through the roof on this night) found the club and hmmmm...... the promoters / bar staff / randoms were still putting out the flyers.
But how ever there were 4 people queuing and as we were excited to be out and wanted to show how cool our dance moves were we went and lined up. Besides it was 9.40 pm and it was supposed to open at 9.30 pm Cleary was going to be the best night club, after all like they say "Good to be fashionally late" After 10 minutes of waiting and oh my new awesome shoes that I paid $40 for but saved myself $35 as they were in the sale hurt me like I don't know what. Putting on a brave face though I didn't tell Sean, as "No Sean these shoes won't end up on my shelf like all my other shoes, I will wear these all the time"
So girls you'll sympathise with me, hey maybe some of the boys will, I had that burning feeling on the soles of my feet and it was bad but still we were 5th and 6th in the queue surely not much longer to wait.

I have to admit I was getting a little cranky and trying not to think that it's actually bed time and the fact that my feet were killing me.
It got to 10pm and we were finally let in, ID shown (not for age purposes unfortunately but I think more for security reasons) picture taken, bouffant behaving so I gave my best sultry smile to the camera, probably looked constipated but hey ho.
Then we were released in to the club ....... and this is what we faced...... the cloakroom, and then a few chairs and the dance floor. All in all the whole place was the size of our front room.
But wait, where do these stars lead to, surely the main dance floor. So we got our drinks which cost a fortune and then went to sit and observe. What we observed was the stairs then being cordoned off and also the seating along the side walls and by the dance floor also cordoned off...... because this was VIP. Just the seating not the stairs. Just to make sure us non VIP tried to sit on the seats they had polite signs saying VIP AREA ONLY.

Still we had our 2 random seats by the toilets so we were good and finally I got to sit down.

Straight away the dance floor was pounced on by a very hyperactive man, either that or he was fitting. Or maybe being stung by a swarm of bees? He was clearly enjoying himself so good on him.
The next 2 people we see, both single men of around 60 years old and that's being kind.
I take a side glance at Sean and I can tell he is NOT impressed. So I beam at him and say "It will get better" while doing a little sitting shimmy. As if that was going to help?!
Not long before we get joined by someone else...... a lady in a wheelchair, and then before you know it another person has joined the dance floor..... a guy in a wheelchair.
This is not going down well, we were promised a night with a dj and some awesome tunes. Instead we were listening to Flo Rida and felt like we were at a retirement village afternoon tea party.

We stayed a couple more minutes but when I was told "Mad I can't cope with this" I had to jump off my comfy stool and stagger out as best I could without giving the game away that my feet hurt.
I secretly think Sean was jealous of how good the people in wheelchairs were dancing compared to him.

The offending shoes 

The old fashioned disguised as a whiskey sour and my Espresso Martini 

From a driveway hitting to a piece of bread in just one week

Yes I know the title is a long one, I may change it. In which case I'll have to delete this sentence, which will be a pain as I'm on a roll typing but there you go. Who knows.
Last Monday I jumped in my beautiful little car and ever so carefully started driving off when all of a sudden this boy on a bike appeared from no where (well that's a slight lie, he snuck out from beside Sean's stupid ute that is supposed to be getting sold not looking like a permanent fixture on my driveway)
So as my bumper somehow managed to make contact with him and his bike, my first thought and don't shout at me was "OH MY GOD, IS MY CAR OK" you see I really do love my car, very very much. Then quickly thought oh my goodness that poor boy, relax, he wasn't on the floor he was still standing. Out I jumped and the poor mite was so apologetic, he was just as concerned about my car as I was. I told him not to worry while sneakily trying to see if there were any marks (just a brush mark from his trousers so all good). As I asked him a hundred million times if he was ok, he kept saying yes while apologising and asking if my car was ok. Clearly he has good taste in cars too.
Then, I spotted headphones IN HIS EARS. So I shrieked "are you listening to music" "I was", he started to stutter back "I'm not now", on a roll I barked "it's not safe to do that, turn it off, off off off"
All I could think was this poor boy isn't much older than Ob and I felt so bad, I did of course make sure he was ok and felt alright about continuing his journey to school on the blinking pavement. He said he was fine, but I suspect all he wanted to do was to be left alone and have a little sob.
My lesson learned that day was shout at Sean some more to sell the ute as he was parked in my space, if he hadn't I would've seen that poor boy and therefore not made ever so slight contact with his leg and my beautiful little car.
Now, my new job is fab, 2 days I basically float through what I'm doing while staring at 2 screens pleading that one day it may all make sense. The other 3 days I'm with really lovely clients. So lovely in fact I spent 2 hours with one and have no idea what language she was speaking. The 3 words I managed to get out of her were Hungary, surfboard and fish. Make of that what you will.
She seemed to laugh a lot as well, so maybe she understood me? I really have no idea, but she was a lovely lady and can't wait to see her next week.
My other outstanding client actually walked away mid conversation last week and I was left standing in her kitchen wondering what had happened. Every time I see her I expect some one to jump out with a camera and scream "surprise" (I'm so convinced of this I wear good clothes on a Friday. ... well you never know) after realising she had walked off mid conversation I felt some what hysterical and laughed all the way home. The first week I saw this client she wanted to give me a jar of peanut butter, I politely refused but said my heartfelt thanks, the second week she thrust it in to my hand as I was leaving and then slammed the door (no joke) in my face. This week I'm given a piece of bread wrapped in cling film as I'm leaving while we're talking about the Brexit and telling me to celebrate how ever the verdict goes.
I'm not sure if the bread was part of the celebration or she is over the weeks slowly giving me a sandwich / pack lunch. Watch this space I guess.

Maddi Ali

Hey people, as we morn the loss of a great sporting hero Muhammed Ali I feel it's only right that I have my first boxing class at the gym.

With the words from the great Muhammed embedded on my mind 'Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee' I was pumped and super ready to go throw some punches. I persuaded Charlotte to come with me but only if I promised not to laugh at her. Which of course I did with my fingers crossed behind my back. 

So we rock up to the gym and it's heaving.... I've never seen it so full, when I go at 5.30am (yes get me 5.30am, smug smile!) It's quiet. So a little panic starts to creep up, but I'm super pumped so can't let this deter me. I spy the instructor getting the gloves out so off we go along with luckily only 6 other people. 

We're made to stand in a line facing the mirror and told to run on the spot. Cool, no problem with this so I'm happy running on the spot till we're told to run faster and with high knees. Well, in my error I made the mistake of looking at Charlotte in the mirror and she looked like she was being electrocuted. I started laughing. The harder I tried to stop the more I was laughing. She caught on and started whining 'Stop it mum, stop it' so then I felt bad and concentrated on the weight bench instead which helped. 

We're then told to partner up, yay we get to start punching each other. Charlotte chooses the pads while I choose the gloves. We start off by punching for 30 seconds straight in front then we go to uppercuts.  Half way through Charlotte starts shrieking 'Your arms mum, your arms' so I'm shrieking back while throwing left hook right hook at her 'What's wrong with my arms'.

She hollers back while I'm now uppercutting 'They're so muscly, look at them' 

I'm too busy ducking and weaving I haven't got time to study my arms and besides which I'm punching so hard poor Charlotte is actually moving quite quickly to the other side of the room which makes her start shrieking again 'Mum, stop it, you're so strong, your arms, stop mum STOP'. 

We then have to swap, Charlotte manages around 30 seconds then flops her arms to the side and says she can't do any more. 'PUNCH' I yell, 'PUNCCCCHHH' 

When we get to the next excercise she keeps the gloves and has to punch the mits starting with 2 then going up to 20 then once to 20 back down to 2. In between each lot of punches she has to run to the other side of the gym while I do burpees. .. are you keeping up? 

I'm not sure what Charlotte was taught in her maths class when she was younger but she clearly can't count, either that or she was cheating. We got up to 20 punches by skipping 16 and 18 then down to 2 missing 14, 12 and 10. 

When this was done we had to swap so I was yet again punching her and she had to do the burpees, I only saw her do 1 burpee the whole time I was punching then running. (She's blatantly a cheat like her dad!!) 

The next excercise is squats while punching, easy peasy yes? Not for my darling daughter she had an awkward gait and looked quite frankly like a hunch back (minus the dribble) and that made me laugh again, we also had to get on all fours opposite each other and crawl to each other for a high five then crawl back, not really sure if this was anything to do with boxing but it made me chuckle and made Charlotte almost cry as she was aching so much. Also not sure about the walking squats we had to do to each other for a high five, but it amused me so all good. 

A quick glance at the other 6 ladies and they are sweating profusely and very red in the face, Charlotte is ready to drop and showing signs of weakness on her face meanwhile I'm still ducking and weaving and getting in the zone. All I really needed was the Rocky music and a skipping rope and I'd have been sorted.  Maybe I take that for the next class? 

It's time for a cool down now, a few quick stretches which yet again makes Charlotte shriek in agony and me laugh some more and then we're dismissed but not before Charlotte shouts a random bye to someone that wasn't saying good bye to us. 

   

Who let the dog out..

It's been a while hasn't it, sincere apologies but you see I have been busy at my new job!
A little while ago I got called totally out of the blue and got invited to an interview. Always makes me chuckle when you get that phone call or letter saying they're very pleased to invite you for said interview.
Now this is all very well and good... if you can remember out of the 55 thousand jobs you've applied for just which one you've been invited too.
Now in the past I'm not afraid to tell you that I've actually made a few errors with interviews such as going to the wrong place... asking for whom I thought was interviewing me, turns out there was actually someone of that name working there but was in a different branch. After frantic phone calls from the staff to this manager I quickly realised my error.  But ended up walking out with an interview the next day at the wrong place.
I have sat in an interview and told the panel in great detail how great I am at being an activity coordinator, I went into great detail my aims, skills and knowledge only to have 1 of the 3 people ask "Um what job do you think you're here for" my reply "Erm activity coordinator" hence my babbling about how awesome I am at it, only to be told "We don't have activity coordinators in the facility. Cue the tumble weed across the room and creaking door in the distance. Oh dear. I quickly left.
Another example when I went for a senior position expressed my qualifications, work experience blah blah only to be told with a raise of the hand I might add "What job are you here for" "Senior support worker" I beam back, the interviewers response "We don't employ seniors here" "Oh" was my reply. Then if my memory serves me correctly I was actually asked to leave.
So you see where I am with interviews. In my last role in the UK I had NO idea what the job was or what I'd be doing, but am pleased to say at the end of the 5 years I had a fairly good understanding!!

So I rock up to this place after unlike me driving to it first to get my bearing go me hey! (actually Sean drove I just sat there day dreaming about shoes and what not)
I'm interview by 3 people and actually managed to bluff my way through. Wrapping up at the end after demonstrating with my hands that the mini I drive is just a tiny little car and no probably won't fit a wheelie walker in, BUT very proudly I tell them "It fits a week's worth of groceries in"
When asked that inevitable question "Do you have any questions" I shake my head and say "No I think you've covered everything"
Farewells are made and out I go with a skip and a hop thinking I hope I get it. Jump into the car and Sean asks how it goes so I proudly tell him well I thought. He then asks .. so, how much does it pay.. me "Erm I don't know I didn't ask" Sean "Right.. did you ask about when you'd hear back" Me "Nope"
Sean "Did you ask them about holiday" Me "No" Sean "Mad, did you ask them what hours you would be working at least and what the role is" Me "No, but it's no weekends and no evenings they told me that much"
Sean response to all of this is "So you're in there for over half an hour and all you know is that it's no weekends and no evenings.
As the penny drops I realise yes that's all I know. .. BUT they asked if I would consider doing admin / coordination if the position came up. Of course I bellowed at them, most definitely. So 2 things I knew before I got offered it!!!

So with a leap and a bound I quickly gave me notice in to the bug blue box and then went on holiday for my 2 week notice hehehe.

Whilst on holiday I had an email from new job regarding start date. I quickly fired one back asking all the questions I didn't ask in the interview.
The reply was a little unnerving ... to begin with it wasn't full time like I assumed and like they didn't tell me in the interview. I was only casual. GULP. casual. Oh dear, my first thought was Eeek how am I going to tell Sean and how could it not be full time or at least part time.  I would never apply for a casual position. (If I'm honest my first though was crikey I'm going to have to cut back on the holidays and weekends away)
Then the pay rate come through which was very attractive and helped deaden the shock of casual hours to Sean!!

Since starting my new community support role I have let a dog loose who has never been out of her front door before. Picture this, me screaming dog at the top of my voice because I couldn't remember what the dogs name was as she ran between my legs to fresh air.
I've been asked if I would marry a lady's 22 year old son as "he's knocking on a bit and I would like grandchildren".  She was flabbergasted when I said he's not much older than my daughter and still not put off when I said how very happily married I am. She was quite insistent.
I've managed to misplace an elderly lady whilst accompanying her shopping and actually that may be 2 as I sit here in the mall typing whilst waiting for another to come back from her appointment. She's only 10 minutes late... should I start to worry yet??
I mistaking called a lady Coral throughout her visit only to be told at the end "My name is Anne" well I'm sorry but now you're Coral.
I turned up at a very drunken stoned man's house looking for Rachel and got told in a slurry manner "don't think she's here but do you wanna check" Erm, no I was good. No need to check!
Nothing really out of the ordinary for me.

Can I just add this lady is now 20 minutes late. Eeek.

I started doing my admin / coordination role on Monday and for that first day I got told to "just play around with the computer" so I did for 8 long hours. I read all my emails all of them about 35 times just in case I'd missed anything. I looked at my roster around 100 times. I clock watched about a bazillion times.  By Tuesday I'd had enough of playing and asked if I was allowed to answer the phones. .. Yippee yes I was. "Just grab the headset" I was told.
Well grab it I did, but every time the phone rang I felt like bursting in to Britney Spears "hit me baby one more time" it was as much as I could do not to start dancing with the headset on. I then got bamboozled with an email "Here's your clients, please add to the list" what list, what clients. ... help. Help. Help.
I had a meeting on Monday where everyone took a notebook and scribbled furiously so I grabbed mine and did my shopping list.


Phew my client is back I can see her in the distance running into people with her electric scooter. I'd better go and give my assistance.

Paying for torture

Thought I'd treat myself to a massage so I kept a beady eye on good old groupon and bought one the other day. I was quite hasty to buy it because I'd been sent an extra 20% off, didn't really read the full advert as like I said I had an extra 20% off. Checked it was local, tick. Check the valid until date, tick. Checked code number tick, bought deal tick.
Last week when I booked it I read it properly.......
FULL body massage...... Gulp. I only wanted my back sorting, but thought it couldn't be that bad. Surely.

When I eventually found the massage parlour it looked .... very much like erm a "massage parlour" you all know what I mean. Neon lights flashing, seady curtains draped over every inch of window. In I go and announce my arrival, scan groupon code and get asked "what massage" I'd had a quick chat with a friend at work and he said a remedial one is better as they get all the knots out. So that's what I asked for.
I got shown to my bed (1 of 3 and only divided by thin curtains I have to add)
And get instructed to "get naked, yes. But keep pants on, no bra" so I quickly do as I'm told, fumbling around in the dark and shoving various items of clothing where ever I can find a space. Sit on the bed and in she comes "turn over, lie on front" I was told. No pleasantries but figured I'm still quite tired from only having 4 hours sleep that night (Sean thought it was a good idea to drink vodka. .... A LOT, I wasn't suffering just a little more dazed than usual)
So I lie down making sure the towel is so close to me it's like a second skin. Little Thai lady (LTL) comes to the side and lifts off my second skin and holds it above me for way too long and it began to feel a little bit uncomfortable, I don't know what she was looking at, my pants were perfectly pretty. They were not Bridget Jones style. Maybe she was trying to read my new tattoo who knows but I was getting cold I wanted my second skin back.
When I eventually did get it back she then left ninja style. Eventually she came back and placed 2 boiling hot flannels on my feet. Which now in hindsight I should have realised was a thing of whats to come.
She then climbs on the bed and pushes my head further down in the hole of the massage table. Whilst she's on the bed she then decides to bend by legs up with boiling hot flannels still attached to now feet with third degree burns. Legs go back and then ninja style unbeknown to me but she must have double back flipped up into standing position I hear metal on metal and before I even have time to think or work out what is happening I feel a pair of ninja style feet and ninja style weight ON MY BACK.
What on earth, I didn't ask for this, I certainly didn't want this and I certainly did NOT pay for this.... or did I?
To say this LTL was brutal is an understatement. She was standing on me, and I had an hour of this. I had her tiny little foot in my shoulder blades whilst the other one was on the base on my spine, her full weight was pushing me so far on the bed I could barely breathe. I think I now must hold the record for the longest time holding ones breath. An hour people AN HOUR, I thought half way through that I was honestly going to die and then my second thought was "I'm going to die and I haven't owned a bulldog" I then felt guilty for thinking that, then thought I will miss Sean and the kids and I hope they keep the house clean and tidy.  Poor them having to tell people how I went. Sigh.
I did think that after maybe 5 minutes I'd be loose enough that she may then go down the route that all other masseuse's use THEIR HANDS. But no, she continued to walk on me working those tiny little feet into every knot and every bone. She had the audacity at one stage to shout "very tight" all I could do was murmur "mmmmm" on account to of not being able to breathe and not being able to move my mouth.

During this hour of torture I was punched all over my back while she somehow had me in a head lock, she punched and slapped my head serval times, she also punched my feet 4 times, I don't know why 4 times or the fact why I was counting how many times.  But c'mon. Whats with all the punching?
She karate chopped my head all over, my back AND put a boiling hot flannels on my eyes and pressed it in hard to my sockets. Not a good look with one's mascara NOT waterproof.  I looked like Alice Cooper when I came out.
She then went on to stand on one leg while my other leg was jumping in the air in fright. I got bent in ways I know aren't normal and I was put in moves like a giant game of solo twister which was not fun, not pleasant and like I said not what I bargained for.

After an hour she double back flipped off me (possibly slight exaggeration but you all know what these ninjas are like) disappears and leaves me wondering am I safe to move, if I move will I just crumble in a heap of dust, help I feel violated, great I have something good to blog about and dear me what has just happened.

When I emerged from the curtain she brings me a tiny little cup of tea, well I assume it was tea, it could have been anything. Beautiful cup and saucer so I felt I must drink it. It was pleasant and didn't offend me unlike the LTL.
As I get up to leave she smiles the biggest brightest smile and bows, unbeknown what to do (a bit like when Charlotte did a courtesy at Ob's Tae-Kwon-Do grading, all those doing grading at Tae-Kwon-Do must bow to the people grading them when they enter the room as a mark of respect, Ob bowed and she courtesied, it was hilarious) anyway I kind of did the same thing,  I half bowed, half prayed, half coursied. Then left very quickly thanking her, what was I thanking her for, she nearly killed me, sigh. Guess that's the English in me?
Phoned Sean and just said "Help, I've been violated"

I later realised the metal on metal was the coat hanger she must have used to stabilise herself with the bar going across the ceiling whilst walking up and down my poor broken body.
Do I feel better, do I ache less, do I intend to go back.
In short No, sigh.

Not my fault your name doesn't suit your face .....

Normally I'm really good with names, apart from calling my darling daughters boyfriend Ninja instead of his real name of Nigem, I blame this on my mum in law as she stayed with us for 6 weeks recently and she thought that was his name.

I have offended this poor boy unintentionally several times of which I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to share with you lot yet. Sigh. 

It's not bad by the way just me being me. (Which isn't a bad thing, I'm happy in my own little world.) 

Back to topic,  there is a lady in the department next to mine and her name is Sue. Well actually her name isn't Sue but that's what I call her. She looks like a Sue and as I've called it so many times I now can't call her anything but Sue. 

So picture this every time I walk through her department (desperately searching for a way out ..... still unsuccessful, double sigh) I holler out with a beaming smile and a wave "hi Sue". She looks at me and then looks behind her shoulder each time then just gives me a confused look. The other day I had to scream Sue 3 times before she looked up and help the customers that needed her expert help.... not my department you see so I was off the hook. 

I have no idea what her real name is but we are now at the stage where I've got another girl in my department calling her Sue, because she looks like a Sue. You know (apologies to any other Sue's out there but she's old, has mad white fluffy hair, glasses and .... looks like Sue. 

She actually sat next to me at lunch the other day even with me giving my get lost vibes. She didn't, she stayed till the bitter end and talked crap. Complete crap. I slyly took a picture but not sure it's professional to but a picture of ones colleague on ones blog??? I did show my in laws and they agreed yup, she looks like a Sue. 

So guess what Sue, you need to get used to it!! 

We had a charity dinner do thing at work on Monday and the HR manager was there with her plus one. So I'm sitting staring at him and staring like you do when you see a new face, turn to Sean and ask "who's that man with Charmaine" 

Sean "Damian, Mad, her husband" 

Me "Noooooo"

Sean "Yeeessssss" with a lot of sighs I have to add

Me "No, that's not the man we spent the evening with last year at the Lake before fireworks  (he was the one that was freaking me out about the bats and spiders .... do you remember?) "Doesn't even look like him or sound like him, no, you're clearly wrong" 

Sean "OK Mad"

Determined to out him as the liar he clearly is I turn to our friend and ask the same question and she said the same "her husband" 

"Noooooooo,  it's not" I tell her,  clearly she heard Sean's reply and was trying to send me mad. 

So I turn to our other friend and she tells me the same. All liars I believe, I also think I need a new circle of friends, ones that aren't liars. Because I'm telling you that was NOT her husband.

My Baywatch moment...

Apart from the time it took me roughly 30 minutes to pluck the courage up to getting in the river (sitting on the side hearing all the rustling didn't help that decision, in my head it was either death by snake or death by crocodile or possibly shark.... and yes all plausible before you say anything)
So picture this, Ob is already swimming around enjoying the water as its a bazillion degrees that day, we've walked to the furthest part of the river because I'm too much of a wuss to get in where the other 5 people were swimming. I'm like a jack in the box I think I'm ready so stand, then decide no I can't do it so sit down. Ob is offering me his hand and telling me it's safe which doesn't help as I think if that croc gets him, I really do have to get in and I will go mother bear on that croc. I then get a little braver,  shriek at Ob to swim next to me to the other side (all of 5 metres) then I stand and literally throw myself into the river and swim like a dog to the other side. I'm panting like a race horse and quite literally my heart is coming through my chest wall its beating so hard.
I heave myself onto the rock like a beached seal trying get to get away from a whale and look at Ob and beam. We then explore the shallow parts all while looking for crocs, sharks and bullrots.
Happy ish that there are none I gingerly sit in the water and splash about.
After a few hours I'm totally at ease with the river and although still swimming like a dog there is less urgency.

So the other day when we went to the beach, I thought "I've got this "disrobed of shorts and top and boldly walked straight in to the sea. Watched by several life guards but I thought phah who needs you. Beach shoes on because I still can't go bare footed..... yet, maybe one day I will?
Walking boldly and bravely in to the sea I stop at waist height and do what everyone else is doing, leap and cheer and jump the waves. Well let me tell you, those waves are vicious.  The first 15 minutes were fun, then I started to get dragged left, right backwards and forwards but still kept leaping and cheering like everyone else. Sean is further in and keeps looking at me extremely proud that I Maddi am in the sea past my ankles. Yay me.
I decide to get a little braver and walk in a bit. ... big mistake this massive huge wave came from no where, it was like the one from the Old Spice advert (remember that, dur, dur, dur. Dur, dur dur, der, der, der der)
I try and jump while cheering and shrieking but this wave is so massive it's takes me down, drags me half a mile at least before spitting me back up minus my sunglasses and bikini pants showing my bottom to the life guards. Epic fail. So no only now am I flashing to the the poor people on the beach I'm shrieking "My sunglasses, my sunglasses, MY suuuuunglasees"
Sean is now by my side looking at me with an expression that is clearly desperate to laugh but he wants to check my reaction first before hysterically laughing. So I beam at him and say "that was fun" whilst scrabbling to pull up bikini bottoms and hoping the life guards are looking else where. Sigh.
Stayed in there quite a while longer hoping my sunglasses would find their way back to me, but sadly they didn't or haven't.  I only only assume there is a very cool looking dolphin out in the sea. Hmmmm.


News from the big blue box.
Customers don't appreciate being told to "limbo under the barrier", "follow the arrows but be quick they change every 10 minutes", and also my colleague who's name shall remain a secret does not actually like being called Sue. Now it's not my fault she has a face that looks like a Sue.
She looks at me with a confused and baffled expression every time I call her Sue. I can't now call her by her right name as in my head she's Sue. All I can say is, she's going to have to get used to it.

 

         

   You can just about spot me, this was pre bottom showing. Sigh.

Oops I did it again....

A few weeks ago I came home to a parcel, now I never get parcels, Sean does near enough everyday but as soon as he's home they're whisked away never to be seen again.
So my little parcel was. ...... a pair of thinning scissors. I have no idea where they came from, I checked my ebay account - no drunk purchase made by me (Sean's drunk purchase lately was 2 very bad ass knives that he only remembered ordering when they arrrived) so I'm now wondering if someone sent them to me as a bit of a hint?
They even came with a spirit level!
The other day after battling with the bouffant and feeling annoyed that my hair is such a mass of frizz I had the old light bulb moment and remembered the scissors. So, out they came minus spirit level and I start to hack away. A bit like Edward Scissor hands cross Britney Spears when she shaved her head and went bonkers. I can confirm that I still have a full head and I haven't gone bonkers (others may argue that)
After chopping my hair I quickly decided I couldn't be a hairdresser, there's too much of an undesirable urge to literally keep chopping and chopping.
Maybe that's why I've never got the style I've asked for, they just don't know when to STOP. Sigh.
So as I'm chopping and chopping hair is quite literally flying every where. To the point where the en suite is now looking like there's a mini chiwbacca standing beside me. Not deterred I keep going, I did think maybe I should have at least read how to do it but then figured "she'll be right"
For that day the bouff behaved but now we're back to full on frizz and I feel I should carry a wide load sign on behalf of my hair. Grrrr

Pretty much sums up how I feel (and look) when I get to work and look in the mirror. When I leave the house I look like this ......

  

Just an all round Olympian

Sean thinks I'm obsessed with the gym but I beg to differ, so I went twice in one day last week that's normal right?

At 6 am I was doing Bikram Spin, it wasn't actually Bikram but as the temperature outside was a bazillion degrees it felt like I was, and as I couldn't get near the fan on account of 2 very larged bottom ladies being in front I was melting.  

   

I think this pretty much sums up how I look and feel during spin. But I love it so all good.

The gym was offering Pilate's taster session, so I was quick to sign up a place. Didn't really know what to expect or really what to do. But then in true Maddi style went bumbling along to the class, of which I am the only one of 6 who hasn't done it before. Undeterred and feeling pumped from bikram spin the instructor said pick a bed, lie on it and let's gets started.  Hmmmm pick a bed, yes that's easy, but lying on it?! That was the hard bit, I didn't know which way I was supposed to lie, where my hands went let alone my head or feet. 

As you can see its a bit of a mystery, or it was to me. So I fluff around a bit do some groin stretches, drink from trusty Jack Wills bottle, do a few squats and eye up what everyone else does. 

It's then time to start as I still have no clue and nobody seems to be in a rush to move I sit on mine cross legged and hope for the best. The instructor smiles and tells me to lie down and put my feet on the bar, ha, so now I know which way I'm supposed to be. 

After 5 pushes of this she then says I'm putting you up to the hard level this is too easy. I nod and thank her although I was feeling quite puffed already, lying down pushing your body weight away from itself with the balls of your feet after doing bikram spin is NOT that easy. But none the less I aim to please. 

I have no idea what she did but it was tough, she was talking about different coloured springs, I have no idea I just kept pushing myself on the bed and smiling every time she peered over me. 

After what was only supposed to be 12 pushes but I'm sure I counted to 50, we were told to lie on the box on the bed. What box, I had no box, I need a box I have to lie on it, where's my box. I'm hastily scanning the room for a box whilst looking what everyone else does. They are already on theirs, where mine. I'm told it's under my bed so out I drag it and heave it on to the bed, work out which way I should be lying again then try and get comfy. 

We're told to do to the superman, opposite arm out to leg, easy peasy, then swap, again easy peasy. The instructor is then beside me and I hear her ask "are you a rower" I thought about this for a brief second, remembered all the times  I used to row in my front room to Homes under the Hammer and replied "I used to be". Well, she did a little leap, I kid you not then came over whilst I was mid superman and pressed my lower back and exclaimed "wow you have great back muscles, I can always tell a rower" I glance sideways and smile whilst being superman. I'm then praying she doesn't ask where I rowed, in my head I was going to tell her I just did it for Charity in the UK and only at the weekends.  Sounds more believable in my head rather than it actually reads out loud. 

We're then asked to do some more work lying on our back, legs in stirrups and arms in elastic straps  (yes it really was at the gym not some adult only place in Fyshwick)

So there I am pushing legs while pulling arms and the instructors asks "Are you a runner" so I thought about this again for a brief moment, remembered the night before when I was on the treadmill and yes my feet were indeed going faster than I normally walk, so yes I was running therefore I am a runner. Look up and smile and say "Yes, yes I am" she said she could tell after rubbing my right thigh then told me how she'd really like to give me some harder excercised as she felt these were too easy. Too easy, I'm lying there practically  having a game of twister all on my own and she wants to make it harder. So I smile and thank her and say "that will be lovely" 

After another few rounds of twister she then let's us go freestyle, only I'm still not sure what I'm doing so with legs still in stirrups I just wave them around like I'm doing the River Dance. The lady next to me looked impressed, it may actually have been sheer horror on second thoughts, but what does she know. She is no Olympian like I am. 

At the end of the session, I wiped the box down and the bed, grabbed trusty Jack and legged it. I think I will give Pilate's a miss for a little while.  

Just call me Braveheart now..

We've been camping. ..... and I survived. Had 2 weeks of very disturbed and minimal sleep on the lead up to it, so much so that my fitness band warned me I was not getting enough sleep (slightly better than what my new band told me which was a Christmas present but subsequently got returned. .... it told me I was asleep from 8pm on one day through to 5 pm the next day, which I wasn't because I was up, awake and thinking of scaries while camping, it also told me the next day I'd only slept 3 minutes and yes it does sometimes feel like I've only slept for 3 minutes but on this occasion I know it was at least 10! It also told me I'd exercised for 1 minute. After nearly blowing the old bouffant in to a complete spin I asked Sean if he'd mind if I take it back. He muttered some thing about "if it stops you whinging about the inaccuracies then please do it" so I did. I'm back with the old faithful band which I love).
But I digress  (don't I always) back to camping. We went to Shallow Creek which is about 2 hours out of Canberra and it's just a field with a shower block and right next to the river.
We put the tent up (trailer tent no less, a bargain Sean found on gumtree .... had to discard the mattress as now I'm in the know 😉😉 I knew that particular mattress was NOT fit for use ... say no more). Brand new queen mattress in place and after an hour of putting the side bits up, juggling with poles and swatting flies away we were erect.
I was actually hoping I could have crossed my legs for the whole weekend but I soon realised that was not likely.  So had to brave the shower block. More on that in a bit.
After exploring the river which was colder than ice but very soothing as was a bazillion degrees last weekend, we thought we'd go to the beach. Ob and Sean swam while I sunbathed and slept then I very bravely went in the sea all the way to my knees with I must add no beach shoes. Get me... I was feeling very brave after using the drop toilet at the shower block. (I don't think that needs explaining does it?
Plus the water was so clear I felt a bit like Steve Irwin (pre death obviously) and figured I  would just wrestle anything that jumps out at me. I mistakenly thought I saw a shark that actually turned out to be a bird, but still a little shriek of shark now and again never hurt anyone ..... right?

Back at base now and still feeling brave I decided I would take a shower. After debating doing this with myself and reasoning with myself that I could do it, I took the long walk through the grass to the shower block (I actually ran /skipped/ trotted as I couldn't be too sure there wasn't anything lurking in the grass ready to eat me.
I spent around 3 minutes looking at the 2 showers and trying to decide which one was the better one, if you can imagine public toilets at their absolute worse mixed with festival toilets you get where I'm coming from, but now I'm brave I wasn't even crying which is the norm. I decided the shower on the left was the safest bet, started the 5 minute timer to get the water ready and started to undress...... I was willing myself not to look around too much, however those 4 foot cobwebs across the ceiling were just too big to miss.... but in my head scaries only come out at night so felt I was safe.
Stepped into the shower (with flip flops for added security and then I saw it........ the biggest scary in the world, my heart was flapping, my bouffant was growing with fright I was frozen to the spot and could not take my eyes off it.
After what felt like an eternity I told myself this is not how Steve would have reacted, and took a deep breath and realised it was dead and squatted and actually not moving anywhere. Then thought it may just be playing dead to fool me in to thinking it wasn't going to pounce. So I washed dried and literally ran out all within 2 minutes, timer flashing and telling me I still had 3 minutes left.
Then skipped / ran all the way back to the tent. Sean asked if I was alright as I was a bit white, I reply with a little squeak that I'm fine. I didn't want to tell him about my encounter because like I keep saying I'm brave now and I didn't want to cry.
(Had to get Ob to hold the door open to the ladies shower block last thing at night in case I didn't make it out alive).

I'd like to say Ob slept well but unfortunately he didn't, on account of his camping bed only having 3 poles along each side instead of 4. His feet were propped up on boxes. Still he was a little trooper and did what he was told "SLEEP IN A BALL"

Now the not so great news is that our friends came to see us the ones that told us in the first place about the camp site.... to cut a long story short Lex very kindly stood on a bullrot fish, I say this because Ob was standing 2 foot away from him when he did it and man oh man I'm so greatful it was Lex and not Ob.
As he hobbled back to the campsite, Sean rushed round to pack the tent up, I ran like a mad woman up to the owners house which was on top of a mountain (felt like) and it was a bazillion degrees. His repose in true Aussie's style "just put it in the hottest water he can tolerate, he'll be right" another kind Aussie came over and actually asked Lex why wasn't he drinking to numb the pain. I think Lex's expression told this man all he need to know. (Unable to ask Google as we had no signal at all so we had to trust the kind Aussie's and believe them when they said "yeh it'll pass in an hour, pointless going to hospital")
Meanwhile our truck had gone flat because some person (Sean) left the ignition on to charge his phone. He and Ob are unable to push the truck down the slight slope we're parked on, so I flex my muscles (now I'm lifting the weight of a small car, I thought, I've got this) tell Sean to get in the truck in case I push it so hard it runs poor Lex over while he's dealing with his leg going numb and the excruciating pain and poison spreading through his body, and off it rolls. Yay me. Fist pumping the air... so not only am I super brave now but also super strong.

So the moral of this story is to wear swim shoes and don't believe the Aussie's when they say it will pass....Lex ended up in hospital after 6 hours of pain, swelling and unable to weight bear. But yes they were right in some respect he was alright in 4 days time.
Oh and the scary was confirmed as a huntsmen... and if you open your hand and spread your fingers. ... that's how big it was. Gulp

The offending fish (well not the exact one but a picture) 

Me after the shower incident and yes I can see why Sean asked if I was ok! 

I am no Lego lady

As you know I've been hitting the gym and I love it. I've been resisting the mints at the end as I figured too many calories after busting my butt out in a class and plus I've never ever seen anyone else take one.
So last week I'm in body pump which I love and have increased my weights to the equivalent of a small car (I kid you not) I'm standing at the back for 2 reason.... 1 being that as you have to "stick your bum out" I really don't want any one having to have my bottom in their face. Even though it's not a big bottom I'd rather just not having anyone else thinking hmmmm that's not a pleasant sight.
The second reason is that it's like my little comfort zone at the back of the class.
About 20 minutes into the class I look across and see the girl to my right has her top on inside out which makes me start to chuckle and think what idiot goes to the gym with their top on inside out..... you know where this is going don't you. As I start my over head presses with the weight of a small car I get a feeling that maybe I should just have a little check on my own top. So I do and yup there's my tag on the outside and also I have a top you all know the ones, with half an encyclopedia of washing instructions, sizing, what shop it came from, down to the person who stitched it, all plastered across the back.
Feeling stupid and also cross that no one told me it's inside out, oh wait it's because there is no one behind me. Sigh.
So I gingerly put my bar down and run to the changing rooms, stopping to refill my bottle just to make the exiting look genuine (in case anyone was watching) changed top and quickly jumped on the scales and see that the 20 minutes of lifting a small car above my head has not shifted any pounds, feeling annoyed I run back to the class but not before coming across a flood......
Where some idiot had left the tap on the water fountain...... you guessed it that idiot was me.... debated briefly ignoring the flood but then thought better of it and went and told the lovely receptionist.
So note to self that day was "check clothes are in the right way and that the tap is off"
I'm pleased to report though I've found the trick in the spin classes. ....... I get on the bike next to the biggest or oldest person in the room because then I'm guaranteed (I believe, but still researching) that my legs will be faster than theirs. It does mean some times a change of 3 or 4 bikes but so far it's been worth it.
Am slightly confused why after last week's spin class we had to do push ups afterwards "because it's a Christmas treat" hmmmm, I didn't feel like it was a treat.
I'm also trying get to work out why I was shouted at in another pump class "lady with the pink gloves detach your legs from your body" we were planking you see, which I love and could do it all day, honest I could (if I didn't work full time sigh) when I heard this I did hope the instructor was talking to another "pink gloves" but no it was clearly me as she bellowed it 3 times. This is the same instructor that told me "new girl stick your bum out"
I was so confused and just looked at her with a grimace and a face that I hope reflected I was trying but I suspect it was more of a look of constipation. She did kinda sigh and shake her head but I'm hoping that was my imagination.
If anyone knows how to detach your legs whilst planking please let me know.

I think my luck may be in as on New Years eve I was sat on the decking when I feel some thing land on me, screaming and jumping a mile whilst throwing my tablet at Sean and screeching "hold this, oh my God what's that" I then realised I'd been shat on, I felt disgusted and violated, but then figured it was good luck, low and behold I found $10 on the floor the other day. Result hey!!

Just quickly.... our first New Years eve was brilliant .... up until we got asked to leave the pub because of Ob..... and the fact he was under age AND in the gambling part of the pub. Sigh. We didn't even get chance to say goodbye to our friends. We were made to feel like criminals and also had to vacate straight away. Sob.
Still, one to remember and one to tell you lot 😉