Around the world in 80 malls

My dear friend jokingly came up with the title of this blog so a big thank you to her.
Presently sat on the upstairs, yes you read that right the upstairs of a massive plane not business or first but better.
Our plane leaving the UK was delayed because of fog, I in a diva strop asked Sean how difficult can it be to land in fog “Very Mad, the planes can’t see the runway so they have to leave longer gaps in between each landing” “Well that’s ridiculous” I told him.
So our connecting flight was missed even before we’d caught the first plane. Sigh. We were told by the guy at Heathrow not to worry we would of course be on another flight, my biggest concern and worry….. what about my suitcases. He tried to reassure me they would be put on the same plane as us. But what does he know. I may have had another little mini strop to Sean about this “because my clothes are vintage and they CANNOT be replaced” he tried to reassure me that yes we have insurance and not to worry. “Sean I don’t think you fully understand my wardrobe” I’m now shrieking at him as we’re walking around Dubai airport to firstly go downstairs to go through arrivals only to then come back up to check in for a flight we weren’t catching for 27 hrs to then go back down for a bus to take us to the hotel.
“My jumpsuit for example is vintage” I’m telling him “Mad you bought that last year” “Exactly” I’m pretty hysterical by now “It’s vintage and irreplaceable, and don’t forget my Marc Jacobs bags are in there, I CANNOT loose them” he then probably for the best shut up. So yes we’re finally on our way to Bangkok a day and a half late hopefully with our bags in tow.
So yay me I finally got my Marc Jacobs bag, oh wait I actually got 2, oh and a purse. To say I’m a little excited and chuffed is an understatement. I’m also the owner of a very amazing and oh so beautiful Tiffany necklace. Well it’s rude to go into a shop and not buy something isn’t it. Sean got his new watch which he bought before we got there and he got a new camera lens so he did alright to.
When we landed in New York bare in mind we were probably still jet lagged from only having 6 days getting used to UK time, we had to obviously clear customs which took so long by the time we got to the belt which had our luggage on there was in fact no luggage on there. Nothing. Sean ran around one side I the other. Still nothing. Queue another diva fit (yes by me) but luckily it was chucked to the side and both suitcases there, phew panic over.
We then had the dilemma of yellow cab, Uber or some dodgy random offering us a cheaper much better deal. Sean hearing his favourite word followed the dodgy man. I merely followed after muttering words like you called this not me. I had the sense to check he was going the right way on Google maps which was all well and good until he turned off and went down the Bronxs. Anyway he eventually did get back en route and we arrived at our beautiful hotel in style and safely. 30 minutes to check in but still OK because I’m in New York and ready to shop (8pm at night by now) so after being given all the waffle about our hotel the guy then says “So we’re actually full tonight but we’ve put you up in another hotel just up the road, come back tomorrow and your room will be ready here”. Queue another diva fit by me. Feeling like how I can only assume Mary and Joseph felt like, we walked out of our beautiful hotel to the one up the road, which was very much like the stable I believe Mary and Joseph were given. But hey we’d landed and we were ready to not sleep as that’s the law in New York.
We hit it big on the first night at Times Square, Empire States (although the queue for this at 10pm was insane -enough said) and had a vodka or 2 at the Irish bar. Begged again to the first hotel to please find a room for the night only to be told again they were full.
New York has to be said is crazy busy but incredible. If you can get past all the crowds and the beeping of traffic you can accomplish anything. We watched a show on Broadway where I fell asleep the first half, Sean the second then walked out due to it being so boring. Which was a shame as I was so excited about seeing it. Not sure if the falling asleep was because of the free pour Times Square cocktail I had before or because I was genuinely tired.
Remember in my last post I said it was rude to not have a drink when offered one on the flight, well consequently I’ve just had a gin and a wine (no not together, although maybe in my younger days I would have, who am I kidding I still would today but as I’m upstairs in a plane I feel I MUST behave) I feel a little light headed, the plane is going through some turbulence which I’m blaming on the fact that it’s taking me so long to write each sentence and not because my eyes are in fact seeing double. Maybe the story line for a new movie “drunk on a plane”
The child in front of me is squealing like a pig and looking to get slapped by me and the person behind has got his stinky nasty feet on my foot rest and is grossing me out. Maybe I need more gin.

Back to business. Whilst at our unexpected stay in Dubai we went shopping. Probably not best to do while sleep depraved  (I know this from my trusty UP band telling me last week my sleep average was 5 hours and this week is 4 hours Also it told me functioning on 4 hours can make you cognitively impaired and feel like you are legally drunk. When I showed this to Sean he said I was cognitively impaired yesterday on account of in the space of 30 seconds I asked to go to a shop then turned around had a diva strop and said I wanted to go back to the hotel. He of course is lying.
I’m not a fan of Dubai on account that Sean keeps telling me what I can and can’t do. Can’t wear short skirts, can’t hold hands, can’t kiss etc, it became a little frustrating and also caused me to have yet another diva fit resulting in him turning away and not speaking to me.
3 hours until we land, going to try and watch a film now to sober me up. Hic!
PS turbulence is not good when you’re feeling drunk and the seat belt sign is on. I may have to start wailing like the brat in front.

Look how much room I had beside me, because yes, yes we were upstairs in a plane.
Yes you're right that is my very new, very amazing, very beautiful new Marc Jacobs bag (one of them) yay me.