Mad English girl Down Under

Thought I'd treat myself to a massage so I kept a beady eye on good old groupon and bought one the other day. I was quite hasty to buy it because I'd been sent an extra 20% off, didn't really read the full advert as like I said I had an extra 20% off. Checked it was local, tick. Check the valid until date, tick. Checked code number tick, bought deal tick. Last week when I booked it I read it properly....... FULL body massage...... Gulp. I only wanted my back sorting, but thought it couldn't be that bad. Surely. When I eventually found the massage parlour it looked .... very much like erm a "massage parlour" you all know what I mean. Neon lights flashing, seady curtains draped over every inch of window. In I go and announce my arrival, scan groupon code and get asked "what massage" I'd had a quick chat with a friend at work and he said a remedial one is better as they get all the knots out. So that's what I asked for. I got shown to my be...

Normally I'm really good with names, apart from calling my darling daughters boyfriend Ninja instead of his real name of Nigem, I blame this on my mum in law as she stayed with us for 6 weeks recently and she thought that was his name. I have offended this poor boy unintentionally several times of which I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to share with you lot yet. Sigh.  It's not bad by the way just me being me. (Which isn't a bad thing, I'm happy in my own little world.)  Back to topic,  there is a lady in the department next to mine and her name is Sue. Well actually her name isn't Sue but that's what I call her. She looks like a Sue and as I've called it so many times I now can't call her anything but Sue.  So picture this every time I walk through her department (desperately searching for a way out ..... still unsuccessful, double sigh) I holler out with a beaming smile and a wave "hi Sue". She looks at me and then looks b...

Apart from the time it took me roughly 30 minutes to pluck the courage up to getting in the river (sitting on the side hearing all the rustling didn't help that decision, in my head it was either death by snake or death by crocodile or possibly shark.... and yes all plausible before you say anything) So picture this, Ob is already swimming around enjoying the water as its a bazillion degrees that day, we've walked to the furthest part of the river because I'm too much of a wuss to get in where the other 5 people were swimming. I'm like a jack in the box I think I'm ready so stand, then decide no I can't do it so sit down. Ob is offering me his hand and telling me it's safe which doesn't help as I think if that croc gets him, I really do have to get in and I will go mother bear on that croc. I then get a little braver,  shriek at Ob to swim next to me to the other side (all of 5 metres) then I stand and literally throw myself into the river and swim like...

A few weeks ago I came home to a parcel, now I never get parcels, Sean does near enough everyday but as soon as he's home they're whisked away never to be seen again. So my little parcel was. ...... a pair of thinning scissors. I have no idea where they came from, I checked my ebay account - no drunk purchase made by me (Sean's drunk purchase lately was 2 very bad ass knives that he only remembered ordering when they arrrived) so I'm now wondering if someone sent them to me as a bit of a hint? They even came with a spirit level! The other day after battling with the bouffant and feeling annoyed that my hair is such a mass of frizz I had the old light bulb moment and remembered the scissors. So, out they came minus spirit level and I start to hack away. A bit like Edward Scissor hands cross Britney Spears when she shaved her head and went bonkers. I can confirm that I still have a full head and I haven't gone bonkers (others may argue that) After chopping my hair...

Sean thinks I'm obsessed with the gym but I beg to differ, so I went twice in one day last week that's normal right? At 6 am I was doing Bikram Spin, it wasn't actually Bikram but as the temperature outside was a bazillion degrees it felt like I was, and as I couldn't get near the fan on account of 2 very larged bottom ladies being in front I was melting.       I think this pretty much sums up how I look and feel during spin. But I love it so all good. The gym was offering Pilate's taster session, so I was quick to sign up a place. Didn't really know what to expect or really what to do. But then in true Maddi style went bumbling along to the class, of which I am the only one of 6 who hasn't done it before. Undeterred and feeling pumped from bikram spin the instructor said pick a bed, lie on it and let's gets started.  Hmmmm pick a bed, yes that's easy, but lying on it?! That was the hard bit, I didn't know which way I was supposed...

We've been camping. ..... and I survived. Had 2 weeks of very disturbed and minimal sleep on the lead up to it, so much so that my fitness band warned me I was not getting enough sleep (slightly better than what my new band told me which was a Christmas present but subsequently got returned. .... it told me I was asleep from 8pm on one day through to 5 pm the next day, which I wasn't because I was up, awake and thinking of scaries while camping, it also told me the next day I'd only slept 3 minutes and yes it does sometimes feel like I've only slept for 3 minutes but on this occasion I know it was at least 10! It also told me I'd exercised for 1 minute. After nearly blowing the old bouffant in to a complete spin I asked Sean if he'd mind if I take it back. He muttered some thing about "if it stops you whinging about the inaccuracies then please do it" so I did. I'm back with the old faithful band which I love). But I digress  (don't I always) ...

As you know I've been hitting the gym and I love it. I've been resisting the mints at the end as I figured too many calories after busting my butt out in a class and plus I've never ever seen anyone else take one. So last week I'm in body pump which I love and have increased my weights to the equivalent of a small car (I kid you not) I'm standing at the back for 2 reason.... 1 being that as you have to "stick your bum out" I really don't want any one having to have my bottom in their face. Even though it's not a big bottom I'd rather just not having anyone else thinking hmmmm that's not a pleasant sight. The second reason is that it's like my little comfort zone at the back of the class. About 20 minutes into the class I look across and see the girl to my right has her top on inside out which makes me start to chuckle and think what idiot goes to the gym with their top on inside out..... you know where this is going don't you. As...