To interview or not

For the 6th consecutive month I am interviewing again, 😔 and I found out on Friday I will be interviewing in April as well, sigh (more on that later - but remember the 7.01am sick caller.... hold on to that!)

Now I used to love interviewing I used to love the thought of giving someone a chance and loved the thought of my team growing. Now I'm deflated, broken and down trodden, because I constantly think will you be a Muppet are you going to cause me grief will you actually do your job. One of the successful candidates I recruited in October who at the time of interview had NO pre booked holiday and no desire to find alternative work, started, and on day one, oh my goodness forgot that he had a 3 week holiday booked in 3 weeks. Oh and then also forgot to tell me that he's actually got another job at a different hospital. He lasted a month, minus 3 weeks holiday. Double sigh. 

The guy before him, also forgot to mention he had a child in another country and booked time off to go and see her, oh and low and behold also had another job, which after moving heaven and earth to ensure he had enough leave to go and see his forgotten daughter on her first birthday also handed his notice in on return from holiday. He lasted 3 months. He also took with him the most highly strung out lady I've met, she left because she wanted time off over Christmas, had she asked I probably would have agreed it but she left on the basis that I wouldn't give it to her. Suited me though as her anxiousness in the team was feral. She lasted a year I think. So that's a bit of back ground history to why I hate recruiting now. I've also had 3 people in the last 6 months pull out of work 2 weeks before they're supposed to start, I had 2 students resign before they started. One apparently didn't realise that working weekends meant working on a Saturday and Sunday. The most recent person to use that excuse only worked out 2 weeks prior to starting that, and she was a mature lady who didn't realise every second weekend meant every second weekend. "I already work on the weekends' Funny when you were asked at the interview about working at the weekend and does that pattern suit your needs you were quick enough to jump at the chance. Triple sigh. 

I always enjoy the recalling of all the horror and quotes from interview day with my fellow colleagues in my office. However up until now they always thought I was winding them up and exaggerating. Until I asked one of them to be on the panel. It was an eye open and to say she was shocked and in disbelief is an understatement. I always think they can't get any worse, but I'm pleased to say they can. 

A brief insight to that round of interviews, we had someone who gave us no eye contact and waffled the whole time 'erm, like, yeh so I would, erm yeh, I guess I would Yup, I would'. to all answers, he gave us peace signs and prayer hands on leaving. One of the females turn up in a dirty top and jeans and I believe drunk, who's phone started ringing half way through causing her to look at it as it was some strange object that had just fallen from the sky. My colleague had to ask her to turn it off but by this time had run off it had been so long. 

Picture painted for the calibre right ..... 

On Monday I was recruiting for 2 weekend staff, everyone the panel had chosen had experience and were either doing the role or had been doing it. Except one dude I put through who on the day of the interview and checking notes I had very proudly written 'No experience, no qualifications but good cover letter' should have been a warning with that. 

In order of interview and of course I won't name names. Candidate 1, entered in jeans - red flag for me, at least make an effort, however we can't be that judgey. She answered the questions as if she had seen them already. I mean there was no pausing, no asking to repeat, no erm, no stuttering. NOTHING. It was perfect, the external panel member was blown away and when told this isn't normal was confused and also thought we were in fact joking. She's getting the job, but isn't it bad that a perfect interview makes me so sceptical and nervous. 

Candidate 2 turns up, now super interesting guy with his neck and arms fully tattoo'd and his zinc sunscreen still across the bridge of his nose and sunnies on his head. Appropriately dressed in shorts and a open shirt with moobs hanging out 😩. He proceeded to sing to us to answer the first question, the song was I think about apples oh and he did hand movements as well, I look to my right and my colleague / friend is joining in, WTH, look to my left and the external panel member is gingerly doing the same. Meanwhile the ice bitch me in the middle is sitting there with total disbelief on my face, he also went on to sing later on in the interview. the fact that the job advert stated weekend working threw him but he said he could work them. (Not a chance) the answers I wrote to question 2, 3 &4 were 'waffle ++' unfortunately my friend to the right saw I had written that and started to giggle but covered it as a delicate little sneeze ++. He is not getting a job 

Candidate 3, oh wow, now that was a angry lady and I mean angry, have you heard the saying face like chewing a wasp. That's being polite. Her above and beyond example was 'took someone to the garden' annnnnnddddd quickly moving on. The role play statements were a stand out when asking my friend who was playing the patient 'Do you want a cup of tea' 'Yes' her reply to that was 'Of course you do you're a pom' and actually all the panel members are English, but it's ok she redeemed herself by saying 'I was married to one of them once and look how that ended' She will NOT be getting the job and I can't wait to give her feedback!!!

Candidate 4, I'd spoken to her on the phone and thought she sounds spritely and like a young person. In walked a little old lady with a shopping bag, she also sang to us 'if you're happy and you know it' and a bean bag song' my god ... however she is getting the job as she was actually ok. 

Candidate 5, had also previously called as he 'didn't know what the job was' when I explained he could easily look this up on the job platform, he simply told me he doesn't know how to do that. Because I'd offered an interview I had to honour it. I didn't hold much hope for this one anyway. He also turned up in shorts and t-shirt. Thankfully moobs totally hidden. Pleasantries completed and when I explained to him 'we'll be writing down your answers', he asked 'oh you want me to write', no no, we write your answers, with being told that he told us 'I can't do that' So I very kindly asked 'are you ok?' to which he answered 'no, no I'm not. I'm not ok to be here, I'm mentally unsafe' 'WHAT' I shriek, he goes on to tell us 'I can't be here, I'm mentally unsafe, I think it' best I go' 'my colleague will see you out' I tell him gesturing to the door. Now that I'm proud to say is the first time that's happened. he is definitely not suitable for the team, actually maybe he is more suitable than I think 😂

Candidate 6 turned up and told us how nervous she was, we tried to ease her nerves, her answers were one liners and the above and beyond question was 'I drive a bus' ooookkkkkk and moving on. Her role play was short because I couldn't put the poor lady through it and she ran out the room quicker than a rat up a drainpipe. She was unsuccessful for the role 

Candidate 7 arrived and answered all questions while looking at the ceiling at one stage I looked up as well to see if there was anything worth looking at (there were the left over Chinese lanterns from Chinese new year but that was it) she also did little hand gestures to the sky when answering. Her answer to what frustrates you very almost got her over the line (NOT) 'I work with dementia people and they really frustrate me, every day there's one lady that asks me what the day is, so I lie to her and tell her it's a different day, and some times I lie and tell her I'm taking her home' Cue absolute completed and utter disgust and shock from the panel. She will not be getting a job, she also told us she can't work weekends when I reminded her it was every second weekend, she then changed her mind and said 'No I can I'll talk, to me baby daddy' 

Now candidate 8 if only you'd mentioned 16 times that you  had a PhD instead of the 15 times you may have got a job, But merely just saying 'I have a PhD to every question I'm afraid doesn't cut the mustard. 

I have left the best till last, and he literally was the last one of the day. Candidate 9 called me the week before and disclosed something to me but again due to having already offered and interview I couldn't retract it. I also didn't tell the panel so they had no bias towards him. My friend who got him and all the others from the waiting area walked in with candidate 9 looking confused. and I knew exactly why. Candidate 9 sits down and faces away from the panel, it's evident what he disclosed to me. When asked the first question, the external panel member had to prompt him to where we were, he wanted us to have a copy of the activities he currently does in his role. He tried giving us the copy of the questions because he's forgotten his double magnifiers because candidate 9 is in fact legally blind. Not that we would discriminate against him for that but when his answers were poor and he actually spent 10 minutes to answer the first questions and 7 minutes talking about himself in the role scenario. it was a clear cut decision he will not be getting a job. 

I have never ever ever interviewed such a bunch of people. I kept expecting my manager to jump around the corner and say 'Got ya' and to tell me that all the candidate were paid actors. 

That didn't happen. 

I did think this would the end of recruiting for a while but like I said at the start 7.01am sick caller resigned on Friday and I am soooooo deliriously happy to recruit for her position. So should you be as it means more stories for me to write and you to read. 

Until then lets hope the next lot is as colourful and interesting or do we want boring and normal?

I think this is my encouraging face to candidates  😝