Mothers day debarcle

Due to Sean's new job and the train deciding to go on strike conveniently the same week he started, sigh (he's gone from working at home for the last 6 years to suddenly having to drive 90 minutes each way or 60 minutes plus on the train) he very kindly dropped me off on Friday, unlike him I love the train, it's full of feral weirdos and I just love it. The things I've seen - well I need to blog about it. I will one day.

Anyway I'm digressing. On the way up to work I was thinking about what my acupuncturist said - yes get me, my acupuncturist - I'm seeing her for stress and my sleeping, or rather lack of sleeping, it's not helping, what it is however doing is giving me the most vivid dreams, when I saw her last week - in which I may have turned up an hour early for the appointment, I mean why check your emails AND txt that says you're booked in at 9 when in your head you're going at 8 because you're meeting a friend at 10!! She was shocked and horrified at my dreams and thankfully has taken full responsibility and said she may have scattered my QI. So, that's what I've been holding onto all week, my QI is scattered and that's why I'm not sleeping and having terrible dreams. So on to why I was thinking of her on the drive to work..... she said to get my QI back I should do things that I like to do.... aside from blogging, shopping and looking at Ted all day. (God I love that boy so much), I was thinking oooo what do I like that relaxes me.... float tanks.... so I quickly had a look on my local one and lo and behold they had a deal!!! Now you know I LOVE a deal, so I asked Sean who's trying to focus on the motorway driving in rush hour at 6am (that's the Brisbane for you) "Would you do a float tank with me" "No" "There's a deal on for mums if you go as a couple, so I go free, will you go with me" "No" "Oh they have 9am free but it won't let me book, what do you think, is that too early?" "I'm not doing that shit Mad" "I'll call them when they open, and book, I think you'd like it" "Why, it sounds shit and I'm not getting naked" "why would you be getting naked" I shriek, "there's robes, my god you animal, where's your head at, so you're happy if I book it" "NO"

And it was booked at 9am when they opened!!

We rocked up today and were the first ones there, ok, I think they charged me more than they should but it's Mothers' Day and I don't want to be stressed and worrying about things, I'm here to get my QI back in line. The sauna was first, which was wonderful at first, we took 10 minutes to work out the extra infrared things in the sauna were actually a paid extra, after pressing the buttons, 50 times at least and then finally seeing the A4 sign underneath the colour chart we realized we weren't getting infrared, Nevertheless we were getting de stressed because the colour above us was blue, cayenne blue to be exact and not sky blue for energy. The fact that we couldn't change the colour didn't matter we both need to de-stress. After 15 minutes we read that basically we were awesome for staying in so long, Sean checked the temp it was 47*C and set to go to 80*C, I decided might be a good time to get a bit of water, mainly on the account of feeling not so good! Got back in and by now the temp is over 50*C.... I wait it out for about 5 minutes max, then try to convince myself I don't feel bad, I don't feel dizzy and I definitely don't feel like I want to be sick. Out I go again, Only this time, the water doesn't help, standing doesn't help, telling Sean I'm ok, doesn't help. I tried to get in the shower but the water did not help either I think I only managed to get my foot wet and then I had to get out, I stand again and say all the right things, "I'm not ok" and then I sink to the floor hoping the cold tiles will somehow give me that jolt I need to feel like I'm not about to melt on the floor.

Sean is meanwhile sitting comfy in the sauna of which is in a room no bigger than our ensuite, he tells me "you don't look right Mad" oh you think darling, you think. "Do you want me to call someone?" Oh darling would you, that would be wonderful, while I sit here and try not to pass out, I wouldn't want to disturb you on Mothers' Day in the sauna you didn't want to have, and why wouldn't I want those poor people in the place having to see me butt naked in a room no bigger than our ensuite. Can you imagine. Few minutes more pass in which wiggling my feet and blinking and pressing palms to the floor to chill, Sean eventually drags himself out of the sauna - don't rush darling, not on my account, you take your time I don't say but think. "Oh Mad you really don't look right" I'm greeted with. No shit Sherlock I say out loud in my head all the while thinking I can't believe the bastard stayed in there longer than me, (yes I'm that competitive)

He very kindly starts to mop me down with the towel and tells me "you look like shit Mad" "Jeeze you really don't look well" "You look as white as a ghost" Oh darling, these words of love will stay with me forever, and on Mothers' Day no less, in the sauna you didn't want to do, What a memory. "Can you stand Mad, we should get you out of here" Of course I can stand, I've been sitting here tricking you, of course my legs don't feel like they belong to Bambi and of course my head doesn't feel like it's on the express cycle of a washing machine. He very kindly assists with my dressing gown and hauls me to stand while getting all our discarded clothes and shoes. We make our way out to the relaxation area and are greeted by a beautiful soul who asks "How'd you do" "I struggled a bit" I inform her while Sean answers with a "I didn't know it was a challenge to stay in there, had I known I'd have stayed in there longer" She then went on to tell us that most people have to stop and can't tolerate it. Well lady I'm not most people I will be back and I will last the full 45 minutes. When I did it on my own last year I was fine, clearly Sean hacked the heating my side or did something to throw me off my game. After another few gulpfuls of water we're told our float is ready. Yay.

The float rooms are gorgeous dark, warm and well a massive tank of water in them! She gives us the spiel, I know all about the floats for your neck, water bottle for the eyes if you get salt in them (like what idiot would do that) the music will drift off after 10 minutes and drift on 10 minutes before the end, the light switch is there if you want complete darkness, earplugs, towels and ready get set go. Sean declared he doesn't need the float for his head, ok darling you know best. I however take full advantage of that, ear plugs shoved in and with a delicate sit and swivel into the tank we're off. I turn the light out, obviously, that's ok darling I don't ask. and wait 10 minutes for the bloody awful relaxing music to drift off, well this is a long 10 minutes I thought for AN HOUR..... an hour of the relaxation music. now that doesn't sit well with me, I need quiet I need darkness and I need Sean not to be tapping me, knocking me and generally coming anywhere near me and especially not while listening to that freakin awful music.

I think we were relieved when the booming voice came through and said "Your time is now up, we hope you've enjoyed your float" light switch on and I find Sean sitting up eyes squished as tightly closed as possible because "Mad I've got salt in my eyes" Water bottle thrust in his hands here squirt this in them but don't rub them I'll pass you a towel, no it's ok you're going to use your hands anyway, Good job darling. Sigh. "Did you enjoy that my love I ask" "No not really mad, I've been sitting up most of it and I was quite bored, I couldn't relax and you kept bumping into me" "Oh I kept bumping into you.... what the actual. "I preferred the sauna actually" oh the sauna you didn't want to do or actually the float come to think of it, anyway "shower off darling rinse all the salt off you" Even showed him where the fancy smelling shower gel was, he wasn't impressed, that's ok more for me.

The trouble is as I mentioned the float tank is WARM..... so getting out of a warm shower to a warmer room instantly set me off in a sweat fest, so I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible..... bra found and put on, knickers searched for...... bag tipped out, shoes tapped and shaken, "where's my knickers love" " I dunno Mad they're your knickers" "yes but remember in the sauna that you didn't want to do where I was fainting and practically close to walking on the rainbow? Did you grab them? "I dunno Mad" "Well they're not here" "Well go and knock on the door and see if they're in the room" "Oh the room with the sauna in you didn't want to do, oh why didn't I think of that, I'll just pop along now, knock knock, excuse me are my knickers in there, because that's not embarrassing at all is it my love. Double sigh. At least they were only a gym pair and not a fancy pair that's all I had to say on the matter.

We left the place with a Mothers' Day Gerbera minus a pair of knickers and a marriage still intact, the trip to Woolies was equally as eventful after returning home and realising my skirt is indeed see through " Did you know my skirt is see through Sean" "Not really Mad"

When I say marriage intact I mean in tatters 🤪