Monday, 31 August 2015

Maddi now known as Barry

I've just got back from Fat Burning class, it was my favourite instructor taking it, cocktail dress lady. Remember her?! After having a quick emergency drive to IKEA to give Sean his glasses (more on that later) and after a very eventful trip to Costco fuel station (I have avoided it like the plague since the first and last incident, of course you all remember that don't you?!) The fuel is only $1.37 there for the sooper dooper stuff we have to put in the civic which is cheaper than at Woollies where it's $1.47. I actually don't care or mind how much it is because I know it's a lot cheaper than you guys are paying (hehehe)
Back to the fat burner story.... I rock up (after driving to the wrong car park... and yes it's easy to do as I came in a different way after seeing Sean) parked up, swiped in, which of course my card has to be the only one that doesn't swipe normally, the girls at the desk always have trouble with mine, typically. 
Get in to class dump Jack at the back and quickly check time and any emails.
Drop phone back in to Jack and eye up my competition...... only there seems to be some mistake..... I am the one of only 3 ladies under 50. Now I was tempted to ask a lady if this was for over 50's but felt that may result in a black eye to me. So I was debating asking at the reception but then cocktail dress lady came in and I thought I'd stay regardless because her classes are so much fun. She asked the usual questions except the one I was hoping for "everyone over 50" as she didn't ask it I decided it must be for us young-un's too. 
It was brilliant and I will definitely go back again just for the comedy value. Although like Sh'bam I'm sure if we were in public gyrating and shimmying things I don't normally shimmy in class we would get arrested. 
We were doing karate kicks and we had to be vocal and 'release our voices' so picture a class off over 50's plus me and 2 others at 30 years old (wink wink) kicking while shouting "aggh and huhh' Very funny. 

Home now and am listening to heart radio, which is funny because I'm hearing all the English adverts ... if anyone needs a new sofa DFS have got a sale on, but then when haven't they. Oh and there's a deal on at Sainsburys but I missed what for but may be worth a trip anyway? Sigh, I do miss Sainsburys. But I have Woolies, Coles and Aldi so what more can a girl ask for. Oh and if you ever come to visit and are looking for fresh noodles guess where they are...... all together now.... BY THE FRUIT. Of course they are. Double sigh. 

Back to the glasses story. Which I'm going to try and keep short. 
Sean had an opticians appointment a few weeks ago which resulted in him and the optician being quite honestly gobsmacked and dumbfounded. Basically the sight in his left eye is SO bad the optician thought he'd had some trauma to his head. Apart from the occasional smack from me he's not had anything serious. He couldn't read any of the letters on the board. So after being told he's an epic fail (the optician may NOT have been so blunt but I was reading between the lines so to speak) Sean is now the proud owner of some very swish glasses which in his words "make everything look like HD". The crux's of this appointment also resulted in all 3 of us being called in to be marked. Ob and I passed (although there's something weird going on in the back of my eyes but I feel that's more just the cotton wool fluffing around not anything serious. But poor Charlotte like Sean was an epic fail. In her right eye. So she is the proud owner too of some yummy glasses. (not even going to try and explain how the costing and pricing works here, because quite frankly I have no idea. I told the lady at the till my favourite phrase "I'm English so not sure how this works. That's the key to a lot of things as you know)
How many of you have been for an eye test .... hands up, right next question how long did it take? Maybe 20 minutes, 30 minutes at the absolute top? Erm, we were in there for 3 hours. YES 3 HOURS. 
He liked to chat let me tell you. I know all about him and his family, he's from Yorkshire, one of 3, married with 2 boys 11 and 7, mother is in a respite home, father died this year, owned a Specsavers in England... and because he liked my accent so much (yes really an English man noticed my English accent, yay) he offered me a job in his swanky new office in Manuka (where we stayed when we landed) he said he'd train me as an optical illusionist (may have said assistant but I like illusionist better) I did explain that I had a job but he was quite insistent after asking me several more times am I sure Charlotte and Sean have had no trauma to their head. Maybe he was accusing me, hmm. 
So we left it that I would think about it and he would get his wife to call me and we'd meet up for a coffee. Luckily she hasn't yet. 
I may have to wear a disguise when I pick up Charlotte's glasses.

Now you're all probably asking why I didn't take the job when as you know mine is so rubbish... the reason is I QUIT!! Not so true Maddi diva style but still pretty good. 
I told the manager as politely as I could how bad it was and he sat there AND agreed. So that says a lot doesn't it. 
That was last week, this week I'm free and enjoying pottering around and going to Fat Burner because next week I start with ......

IKEA. 
I'm in the bedroom department, I believe pillow fluffing. Sean says differently but what does he know. I have 4 weeks of training 2 of which are in Sydney which are causing quite a lot of panic for me. How will I get all my stuff in a hand held suitcase? Please discuss and give me answers. More importantly how will I do my classes. SOB. I don't like Sean's response to my question "do I have to pay attention" he told me "Yes Mad of course you do" hmm and sigh. 
I want to just pillow fluff and practice my dancing. 
Besides what does he know. 
Another thing to panic about .... I have to wear steel toe capped shoes. They are NOT allowed to pink, nor are they allowed to be open toed as in the style of flip flops NOR are they allowed to have a heel. Sigh and double sob. I have to wear bright yellow, and when asked if I could just wear the V neck jumper I was told no. These Ikea lot are mean aren't they. 
I can however wear jewellery and paint my nails so that's OK. As part of the whole recruitment process (No I wasn't just handed the job had to go through the same hoops as everyone else) at the last interview I noticed they had the picture of me that I had to hand in at the beginning of the recruitment, the one they said would be destroyed. As I caught sight of it I shrieked "oh my god that picture is terrible, I was at the rocky horror show, I don't normally dress like that" did cause them to giggle but not as much as when I told them in my previous role how I would walk in to the wrong patient's house and not only do it once and learn, Oh no it was a regular occurrence. Wrong house, wrong area and even wrong sex of patient. 
It's a wonder how I got the job actually! I think it was in the group exercise when I totally took over and solved every one's storage problem (Not that I've studied Ikea's catalogue..... MUCH) Wanna hear what my problem was?......... How to display ALL my shoes ... hehehehe. That certainly raised a few eyebrows and gave the table something to talk about. I think at that part of the interview I was that annoying person that always has to talk. You know the one, there is always that ONE annoying person. I was crook then as well and loosing my voice so they were lucky I was able to show how awesome I am. 

People still can't understand my accent NOR my name. When ringing up for take away last week and gave my name Maddi I was asked is that Maddi with an L. An L I shrieked, my name is MADDI. M A D D I. 
I have had this several times and Sean says I over pronounce it, so when the delivery driver came to the door just now and asked for my name to put in his little black box thing, you know the one when you sign your name it looks like it was done by a 3 year old. Or is that just mine? I said Barry, he passed me the box and said Thanks CARRIE. Seriously, I never had a problem of being understood or heard in England what's going on. Grrrr. 

Other news in brief... latest injury to Sean is his ankle, ribs are heeled, still a little bit sore but now it's the ankle. Charlotte had a hair cut and was traumatised by it as they cut all of 3 inches of. Called me in tears saying it was so short and sent me a picture I couldn't tell... still can't (at least she didn't end up with a bouffant and a 3 year old fringe)  Ob is cool and is working out like a trooper and getting some guns which he's chuffed to bits about. Me... well, no change still day dreaming and still no real idea at the gym. Suits me. 
Life is cool and it's the first day of Spring today which is awesome. We didn't have the hair drier heat on last night so that's a start. We were sat huddled under blankets and dressing gowns but still it's a start. 


Last thing to make you chuckle, when txn one of the lovelies at hehe my old work she told me she was going to Max, so I asked what that was and she said Max Brenner (www.maxbrenner.com.au)
I told her "Ive only been once and I didn't have anything I just got the kids summat"
Her quick reply was "Ooo I haven't tried that what is it" 
I'm still laughing now. After I explained i just got told "You're such a foreigner!!!"

Off to sit in the sun now

Maddi the American

Good evening peeps. 

Have just got back from burlesque so thought I'd take 5 minutes to say hi and to check you're all OK? 

As you know people are here are struggling with my accent, to the point where now I'm known as "That girl there is American" more on that in a bit. 
This week I answered the phone at work said the usual spiel, to which the response was "Oh hi, it's Amy" "Hi Amy you OK?' I reply. 
"Yeah I'm good thanks, how are you" Amy asks. "Erm good thanks" Me now wondering what does Amy want, 
Then I get asked "What Maddi is this?" "Erm, English Maddi, isn't my accent a give away" getting slightly irritated now. "Oh no, I didn't want you. I wanted the other Mady, I couldn't tell which one you were when you answered'. I get told.
So I told Amy AGAIN, "I'm the English one, the English one, the only ENGLISH one in the building" then put the phone down and grumbled. 
Have I told you about the Australian Mady that I work with? She's cool, (of course with a name like that who wouldn't be) Anyway the story goes on. She was off this Monday and Tuesday. So I went to the patients she normally sees.....
First person I see looks at my name badge, looks at me then looks at my name badge again and then tells me 'You're wearing Mady's badge' so I tell him 'No, I'm a Maddi as well' he replies "No you're not, you're from America and she's from Australia, she's called Mady, you've got her name badge on' No matter how many times I tried to convince him I wasn't trying to impersonate her and I'm not American he was not having a bar of it and kept a suspicious looking eye on me all shift. 
He was the the one that told his whole dining table 'that's the one, that's the girl from America' 
One actually asked me why I had an English accent if I was from America. He also was not convinced when I said I was English, I just got the usual raised eyebrows and hmmm nod. 
After seeing to this person I then went on to someone else who also eyed my badge with great suspicion and told me also that 'you're wearing Mady's badge' Can I now point out Mady not only being Australian is shorter than me and has very very short hair, totally different to the bouffant I support and plus I'm now 5'6" where as she is just 5'. So easy to tell apart, yes? 
I tell this lady that my name is also Maddi and that the other Mady is off, she again looks at me with a great caution and then shakes her head and tells me quite curtly 'YOU are wearing Mady's badge' 
I give up. Grrrr and sigh 

So I can now add to the accent list that I'm American, oh and also I may not even have my own identity anymore. Hmmmm. 
These people did also NOT believe me when I said I had worked there for 3 months and yes they had seen me before. 
It's enough to send you crackers 😉😵

Signing off now as the frost bite is starting to come back and I'm loosing the ability to type. 
😱⛄❄


Wednesday, 26 August 2015

A scene you'll never see from Frozen

There's a new class at gym called Sh'bam, and Charlotte and I went to it last night.
Charlotte thinks I invited her along for the comedy value which is so NOT true. I invite her to body pump for the comedy value.
Did I ever tell you that story?
The first time she came her weight rolled off and across the room, which had me in fits. As it was her fist time she was advised to only lift 1.25kg which just had me in stitches because half way through she threw the bar down as it was too heavy.
Anyway... we rock up to Sh'bam and it looks like they're already into it. There are loads of ladies in the semi dark, busting some pretty cool moves.
We um and ah and check both phones for correct time. Yup only 5.55pm. Sh'bam due to start at 6pm. Debate whether pushing Charlotte in to the actual room to ask the instructor but thought that was quite mean.
So instead I asked another lady (who also started body pump last week and is only lifting 1.25kg and finding it hard... I know this because we had a 30 minutes session on correct posture and weights before class last Sunday and after the 30 minutes of us barely doing any lifting she opted to go to .50 kg)
She informed us it was a Zumba class going on and yes Sh'bam started at 6pm.
She said she did it last week and enjoyed it but had no coordination and ended up pretty much doing what she liked!
A girl after my own heart me thinks. 
So most of the ladies who were doing Zumba stayed and did Sh'bam ... the instructor was...... matrix lady (remember her?! I'll give you a clue "new girl stick your bum out")
Charlotte and I opt to go at the back and we're off, for those that don't know basically Sh'bam from what I watched on good old You Tube is exercise moves to dance music.... Or so it should be. Gulp....
Well let me tell you I have NEVER gyrated in any of my classes before. Especially NOT to the theme from frozen "Let it go" not that I've watched the film but every body knows the theme right?
So there I am gyrating to let it go and matrix lady is bellowing "LET IT GO LADIES, LET IT GO" let what go? I'm shaking and gyrating there's nothing more I can let go of? I'm cringing because I'm feeling sorry for Charlotte seeing me gyrating and thrusting while trying to flick my hair.
I'm laughing because everyone in the room is literally looking like they are all being electrocuted.
Then the song changes to Party Rock by LMFAO, and we are doing punches to the side while still gyrating whilst incorporating some knee lifts and hair flicks.
(Are you picturing this?!!!!)
Then after a while of doing this matrix lady starts to do the running man. I am not kidding, a room full of women doing the running man with full arm movements.  I am laughing so hard I have a stitch.
Matrix lady then screams at us to dance round the room. So there we all are now like demented chickens doing the running man, I spot Charlotte and she is just going round in circles, presumably to avoid eye contact with all these other middles ages ladies doing the running man (by the way I am NOT including myself in this category as I am still only 30.
I'm right in the thick of it and showing how good my running man is whilst incorporating my very own moves.
It felt like I was at some sort of private rave with Charlotte minus the white gloves, shell suits and glow sticks.
Matrix lady is then back on the stage and screaming at us to come closer as she can't smell us. Why she wanted to smell us I do not know but we all did the running man towards her only to be screamed at to "PUSH IT BACK LADIES, PUSH IT BACK"
Make up your mind matrix lady. Sigh
We then have a change of song which I've forgotten but we are suddenly told to "DRIVE THE CAR" so we all with arms outstretched pretend to drive a car.
We do this for a few minutes before we are then running from one side to another whilst more gyrating.
The last song we then do some ballet moves which are quite calming .... except for Matrix lady wants more head flicking spins and thrusts. The spins were making me dizzy so I just stood and thrusted..
Charlotte was spinning her little heart out and was doing a good job.
I was glad to see that the lady we were talking to at the start of Sh'bam was like she said "doing her own thing". She was in front of us and had her electrocution dance down to a tee!!
So people... If you get the opportunity please go to Sh'bam... If only for entertainment value. I cannot wait for the next class.
I may try and wear the go pro so I show you what it's really like. 

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

AWOL underwear

Hi 🙋

This week I've been mainly trying to be Australian. . Not so much in the drink driving sense, or drinking as soon as I get home right up until bed time or indeed driving like I stole my car (although some may argue) and definitely NOT in the sense that I wear my slippers or pyjamas to the supermarket.
I mean in the sense of embracing the language. (By the way Australian's swear A LOT so not in that sense either) here are my examples ....
This week I've been a bit crook (ill)
I've also experienced some anger at work this which caused me to say 'far out' (no explanation needed I don't think) weetabix now becomes weetbix, I've also been a little cranky at work (putting it poltely annoyed!)

I've also been trying to educate my good friends at work that Mall is pronounced Mall like ball not Mall like pal. They are not convinced but they will be soon. They also need reminding that yogurt is yogurt NOT yo... gurt.
So in regards to those words I'm not being Aussie.
When asking for my coffee (with milk 😉)I now say skinny cap, not skinny cappuccino.
They do like to shorten everything. Firemen are fireries although that sounds stupid and I sure it's longer than actually saying firemen. Policemen are Popo (weird right)

On my way to burlesque this week I very very nearly had a head on altercation with a roo, which let me tell you was the size of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
As I was merrily driving along in the dark doing what I do best - day dreaming. I suddenly saw this roo on my side of the road, just standing there presumably waiting to destroy some one's car. Luckily I was able to avoid it. It didn't even flinch (probably because it was the size of a T'rex. To say it shook me up is an understatement. It's feet were nearly the size of Ob's, it's tail was thicker than an oak tree. It was a beast.

Are you wondering about the subject by the way?
All week I have been asking Sean and the kids if they've seen the tiny clothes airer they all said no. But as I hadn't moved it nor put it any where I was convinced someone had it and just wasn't telling me.
Anyway it miraculously turned up, yay... or rather not.... it turned back up on my washing line ..... from my neighbours house. 😣😦😲
The laughter I've had out weighs the horror I feel for my poor neighbour having found our underwear in his garden and him having to lean over to put it back.
He came round with a huge box of oranges from his dad's farm at the weekend... luckily there was no mention of the AWOL pants.
FYI ... the oranges are delicious only 23 left to eat. 😥
(Picture attached of airer minus AWOL underwear)

The accent by the way is still confusing people, I was asked yesterday by a lady at work if I was Irish or English, one of the lovelies was with me at the time so she had a great laugh.
I explained to this lady I was indeed English to which she informed me that she thought I was but that she was told there was an Irish Maddi working here. I assured her it's just me. The ENGLISH Maddi. Sigh

Nothing else to tell because like I said I've been crook this week. 😕😢😣😷

Sunday, 23 August 2015

Husbands are an expensive hobbie

Hey people. 
I realise it's been a while and I apologise for that. 
I've been too busy getting a job, debating how best to walk out of the job in true diva style, (after the 2nd day of induction) arguing with the physio at work because actually he doesn't know best and he's a complete idiot. 
(And by saying you've worked all over Europe as a physio doesn't impress me) Anyway. .. in brief the job is basically very multicultural and very crap. Say no more.  
But yet I find myself going back, and every shift trying not to have an outburst. (Although the ones I do have are just shrugged off by the multicultural people working there)
The only plus thing is the girl on my wing is called   ....... Maddy. She's an Aussie and she's great. But got sent home last week ill so that put me in a diva hissy fit for about 4 hours.
I hope she's there tomorrow.

Also while we're on the subject of health care. My darling husband has decided to have toothache. Now those of you who may remember last time he decided to have to toothache he ended up being rushed to hospital and having a 3 day sleep over there. (Anything to avoid housework) 
Anyway. ... After a trip to the nice young dentist on Saturday morning and $120 lighter (it was $160 but we got $50 back from medicare... don't ask me how it works I have no idea, then getting a prescription and handing over $40. We make our way home.
The outcome of the appointment being yes he has toothache and the best thing to do is have it out.... but the nice young dentist said the tooth roots are mahoosive (she actually said it's got giant roots but mahoosive sounds better right?!) and it's cutting across his sinus, so she doesn't want to risk taking it out as it's so mahoosive so referred him to a consultant.
(Good job I have a job... in my head I'm kissing goodbye to all the clothes and shoes I was planning on buying this week..... not including the ones I bought in Sydney on Friday - more about that later 😉
So he's dosed up on antibiotics and pain relief, we trundled down to have yet more x-rays today (as nice young dentist couldn't get all the tooth in with her machine) 
Only to get there to find out nice young dentist hadn't filled out Sean's dob. So we had to wait an hour for that to be faced down. 
After having another x-ray we then phone the consultant ... oh after being charged another $42 for it, only to be told he has to wait until next Monday. Little diva fit had by Sean this time and we managed to get an appointment for this afternoon at 3.15
Nice young dentist said they'd whip it out there and then but I doubt that very much. (I'm resisting knocking it out myself, this is an expensive hobby of his) 
So I will keep you posted how he gets on. 
Sigh. 
Ob is chuffed as he wants the tooth, has the last one and in his own words "wants to get as many body parts from you dad as possible" 
Cue lock on the bedroom door time 😨🔪🔫

So as I mentioned I went to Sydney shopping. Sean had a meeting so dropped me off with the agreement I'd get the bus back so he avoided the rush hour. So I'm feeling in control and I know where I'm going.  
(I actually followed the crowd because I couldn't work out the directions on my phone properly) 
I get to the shopping mall and I'm happy mooching. Did the typical girly thing and went to the same shop twice before deciding yes I do want that jumper. 
Came out the mall and Hmmm confused couldn't find the rest of the shops (It's split into 2 halves with a pavement bit through the middle) phone comes out again try to navigate but it's too stupid. (The phone not me) so then I go back in to the mall do the same shops again that I'd just been in (just in case I forgot to look at all the stuff in there) 
find some designer shops resist the urge to go in there. With only 1 pair of shoes on display with no price tag I'm not sure I really want to go in anyway 😉
By now my feet are killing me as I'd worn new boots and had walked nearly 9 miles. (Phone is good at telling me that just not where to go) 
I then think I'll catch the bus to Ikea and chill there for a bit. So I walk in the direction my phone tell me (it said a 4 minute walk to the bus stop with a 41 minute bus ride) perfect.... so after walking for 23 minutes, passing the same lot of builder 3 times and them asking me if I'm lost "oOh no" I say "I just like retracing my steps" Sigh 
I find the bus stop and wait ... the ones that went past say you have to request them.
I merely just stand there looking hopeful and yay the bus stopped. 
I jump on and ask bus driver lady (BDL) "is this going to Ikea tempe"
BDL "I duno"
Me "oOh my phone says it should"
BDL "well maybe it does" 
Me "oohh" 
BDL "jump on anyway we'll soon see" 
Me "I'd rather know this is the right one" 
BDL "I'm sure it is, $3.30 for your ticket"

So on I get and hope for the best. The guy in front after 10 minutes turns and asks me If I knew what bus we were on I reply the 422 and he's actually on the wrong bus so jumps off. I'm then debating how soon before a stop do you ping the bell. 
My phone has shown that I was on the right route at least... but not knowing when the stops were coming up my hand kept darting up to the bell not knowing whether to press it or wait..... in the end I pressed it and yay there was the lovely big blue box Ikea in front of me. 
Hobbling to the store with aching feet and arms full of shopping bags I sit and relax and have a coffee (followed by a quick walk through the store just to check everything is as it should be) 😂 (checked phone and I've walked 10.6 miles) 😤😣

10 minutes before getting off the highway I have 5 tx's come through from Charlotte in complete panic stations saying she's on the bus and too scared to get off as there's a weird man talking to her and her mate. 
So in between trying to find Sean a chemist that's open and rescuing her I was a little fraught. 
Managed to work out where she was and sort her without having to forgo the trip to the chemist. Got there with 10 minutes to spare. Another $40 lighter. 
See what I mean about him being an expensive hobby. 

Am trying to think what else to tell you .... oh I now feel confident walking into our bedroom when it's dark without the need to turn the light on and do the scary search. Result hey! 
I still tap and bang my shoes just to check 😆😣😦  

My new phrase when Sean wants to buy something I don't want him to or I think is too expensive is "not today or tomorrow" it's working just not with the blummin tooth. Sigh. 

Stupid questions I've been asked this week at work -
Do you eat the same sort of food in England
Are you Scottish 
Does your food come in packaging 
How do you spell your name.... oh really that's way too many e's 

I'm sure there's more but those are just the ones I remember. 

I went on a wineries tour last week which was fab, went with 4 Aussies and 1 Swedish lady (the Swedish and 1 of the Aussie ladies are who Sean works with, the other 2 Aussie ladies were the first Aussie ladies sister, the other Aussie was first Aussie lady's husband who was designated driver (and in the bad books, but drank more than me which was a worry but a very nice man) keeping up so far?! 
Anyway these people know their blinking wine. I had no idea, every thing's shortened Chad ... aka chardonnay, Sav aka Sauvignon Blanc Etc etc. But they were all really lovely and it was a very nice day out. I personally couldn't taste the difference between any of them but hey ho. Got to one winery and the guy asked me where I'm from and when I said Bristol (no ones heard of lovely old Weston Super Mare) He then went on a 10 minute speech asking me if I knew Mr so and so... "you don't. ... but everyone knows him" 
Erm no I don't.  Anyway he sounded like a nice fellow if I could just remember his name I'd tell you, maybe one of you know him!! Hahaha 
We stopped at Poachers Pantry for lunch and after deciding what I wanted (queue rolling eyes for those of you that know how hard it is for me to choose food) I opted for the duck. 
Omg it was like something out of a magazine. Very fancy posh grub the sort that you don't know what to eat and what's just there to look pretty. It had a dollop of what can only be described as diarrhoea (sorry but it did) and actually tasted pretty poo too, and a chocolate jus, which was just plain odd. I ended up leaving most of it but everyone licked their plates clean so I felt a bit odd. 
We then went to a chocolate place which was very nice but after having Cadbury my whole life nothing else cuts it. 😢😢
In the evening Sean, the 3 Aussies and I went to a secret speak easy club. It was amazing. The barmen were amazing (and very handsome in their denim aprons) it was good fun watching them mixing the cocktails (which tasted incredible) 
You really wouldn't have looked out of place in a flapper dress holding a long cigarette. (Well maybe the boys among us would look out of place. 

Right, so I've been typing this most of the afternoon while Sean is trying to look for some where for us to go for our anniversary in a couple of months. 
We're now at the consultants.... keep you posted.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

Blessed fan

Hey you lot, 

As promised next instalment of my dramas. 
So after my hideous hair style which by the way I hope it amused you. 

So after fighting with the bouffant to get into a pony tail I headed to the gym for spin, I positioned myself this time in the middle of the room. A different lady taking us this time called Bree, she was nice and didn't shout about the burn or crawling out of the room. 
So I'm on my bike I'm hitting gear 18 not sure if I'm supposed to be or not as I cant even hear what Bree is saying and quite frankly I'm too busy looking in the mirror thinking why is my fringe so big and with the sides falling down and flapping away it looks like a bat is flying towards me. 
Bree asks after 10 minutes if we'd like the fan on, I fist punch the air because I'm bound to be in a good spot, surely?
So fans go on and with that it was like a tornado all across my head. Bits of hair started working their way out of the pony tail and across my face, the side bits that were already out were flapping and annoyingly getting in my eyes and mouth. 
So now I'm cursing the fan and not only have I got stupid hair to fight with I also now am supposed to be "on the race line' I still don't see any chequered flag, nor do I see or hear my friends and family cheering me on. Sigh.
I look at myself in the mirror and jump at the sight I see, My hair looks like a bat is entangled in it and I actually look like I've been dragged through that proverbial hedge backwards, forwards, left and indeed right. It is not a good look. 
As fast as I'm cycling to that race line I'm trying to smother down bat like hair. It's not a good combo and I'm getting cross. The fan is on overdrive and the only good point was that I had my cold scented flannel to hand and managed to get a strong mint before class. 
So note to self, don't sit in the middle of the room expecting hair to behave while the fan is on. 

Yesterday I was Katniss Everdeen from Hunger Games (you all know her, right?) 
I turn up for functional fit, its kinda like circuit but in a small space and no running. There are 3 of us taking part, April the girl taking it who looks 12 briefly shows us what to do on each station. Like I'm gonna remember that. I have to start on the rowing machine. So we all do 45 seconds at each station then have a 15 second break. 
I'm on the rowing machine and its easy so I'm really glad because the other 2 are already puffing. April then shouts switch so I try to get my foot out of the holder but its wedged. I loosen the strap more but it doesn't move. oh great. 
Aprils shouting 5 seconds left and glaring at me, I'm pulling at my foot and it still doesn't budge, try the other one, nope. The next girl is panting over my shoulder and looking not best pleased that I'm holding her up. I grimace and mouth sorry. I get no response. In the end I just heave my foot out practically breaking my own ankle and do the same for the other foot. My trainer seems to have an edge almost to the back hence why it was stuck. So now I'm late to my "station" I can really remember what I'm supposed to do on this balance board, so I just jump on it, which doesn't have a good result and sends me flying to the glass door. I look at April and grimace again, she's now shouting 10 seconds to go, how can it be 10 seconds already I've not even done anything at this station. She then tells me to stand on the balance board (it's a semi circle padded squishy thing with a flat top) and do squats. I manage 3 before she's telling us next station. At least I didn't get stuck getting off this one.
The next station for me is the on another balance board but this time you have to hold the sides while mountain climbing (you go horizontal and just keeping jumping your legs back and forward (get it?) only I at first didn't hold the sides oh no, I had my palms flat down on top. So obviously the balance board was going every where. April came over and said with a sigh you might find it easier to hold the sides. Ah yes much better. 5 seconds to go. 
I must say the 15 seconds rest in between didn't seem like 15 second more like 5 but who am I to say. 
Next is kettle ball swings which I managed easy peasy and no glaring look from April, actually the next rope swing squats I do also with no glaring from April. The other girls are panting A LOT and we all keep gingerly looking at each other in the mirror checking out techniques (well I was they were probably just laughing secretly at my 3 year old fringe, sob) 
After squats its my nemesis the rowing machine which I get straight on it only for the other 2 ladies to walk off and grab a drink. Whaaaat. April is disapprovingly saying with a sigh "get a drink and have a 45 second rest"
So I have the same fight with the machine and by the time I've got out to get to my Jack Wills water bottle (the classiest in the gym) I'm told "back on it ladies" 
I trot to my nemesis for 45 seconds. Have the same fight getting out and hold up the same lady who's trying to get on. 
After doing another round we are then shown whats next (crunches -Gulp) 
One lady actually leaves after thanking April and runs out the gym, maybe she was late for a date? So it's just me and the lady I kept holding up on the rowing machine, who I have to say is panting A LOT still. We get on our respective mats to do scissor kicks, then bicycle crunches then sit up with a twist and plank. This is where I felt like Katniss Everdeen. I felt like I had to be better than the panter so I went quicker than she did, she tried to keep up with me but I knew If I slackened on I'd have a flaming arrow to my back. 
I honestly felt like I was in the hunger games with April standing over us throwing us "really is that all you can do looks" and the panter trying to out do me. She had to keep stopping I refused to.
She collapsed during the first plank which made me chuckle (maybe a bit too loudly) I kept going and tired to listen to April's encouraging "you can do it ladies" After 3 rounds of this April turned off the music and told us to stretch if we wanted to then calmly walked off. The panter flopped back on her mat and I meanwhile looked around for my arrow and looked for my own Haymitch.
Unable to locate arrow or Haymitch I took another look at the panter withering around on the floor, grabbed Jack and came on home. 
Unable to go to the gym this morning because I ache too much, sob and sigh. 
At least I beat the panter she writes while grinning widely!!

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

No Kate Middleton for me

My week has been as usual entertaining and full of disbelief.
I got asked today again what part of Ireland I'm from, and I also was asked with a shrill and raised eyebrows "Oooo you're English, wow I couldn't tell"
The best one was probably a phone interview I had yesterday talking to a fellow Englishmen who asked me "Do I detect a hint of English in your accent"
My reply "I should hope so, I'm from England"
His reply "Oh ... Really?"
C'mon people. Really is it that hard to tell I'm English. Grrrr and Sigh.  
So, for those that don't know I love Groupon. When I first discovered it I would wait up until midnight to get the next days bargain.
So I'm having a bit of a splurge at the moment and getting many a great bargain. I've bought an ethanol fire thingy (that only lasts for 30 minutes and the ethanol is more expensive than diamonds but it looks cool so it can stay)
Some of those little square data thingies that give you more data.. forget the name but you know what mean. Bought 3 of those.
2 lots of different meals out for when we go to Melbourne next week (just slightly excited about this)
Whale watching trip (yet to do but all booked in)
And lastly my latest bargain - half head of foils and a hair cut.
Ju will know where this is going and all my other fellow work buddies.
I have had just a few disasters with hair probably the worse one was when I ended up looking like Mallfroy from Harry Potter.
I'd heard nothing but bad reviews from everyone I spoke too about the hairdressers here but I thought really it can't be that bad .... can it??
Gulp.
So off I go to Club Hair. Actually find it without any dramas and think this is gonna be good. In I trot to a salon that is smaller than my walk in robe (still love that I have one of those) and there are 2 people. 1 boy 1 girl. My first thoughts were please let him cut my hair as I'd been told by my best friend JULIE that boys cut hair better. As this was MY day my luck was in and the boy sat me in one of the three chairs in the salon.
He announces "my names Dillon and I'm going to look after you today"
Awesome 😃
So I show him pictures of what I'm trying to achieve...... He squeals how much he loves the style and we chat like new best friends about the colour the style and I'm beginning to think I am going to look the absolute business 😊😊😊😆
He puts the foils in and we are still bonding over how much we both love Tom Hardy and Charlie Hunnam. We talk about the terrible fashion here and how he has things shipped over from Topman. We talk about him growing up with 5 sisters in Darwin (see best buds) we even drink the same green tea love the same tea shop (Tea adore- worth a Google) and like the same alcohol. 😊😆😄
Nearing the end of the foils going in his next client walks in, so while I'm "cooking" he gets to work on the lady sat next to me.
He doesn't share as many stories with her as me because we are now best buds.
She just asked for a cut and a tidy up.
Well, let me tell you she walked in looking like Miss Piggy and left looking like Kate blumming Middleton. I'm really not exaggerating.
I was so excited by seeing what he'd done to her hair I literally wanted to hug my new best friend Dillon.
We talk about Gok Wan and how amazing he is how we both hate posh spice but love Jennifer Aniston.
Meanwhile I still needed longer to "cook" so yet another lady walks in asking for a fringe and a tidy up.
Again small talk was made like it was to Kate. This lady walked in looking like Cruella De Vil and walked out like Alexa Chung.
Nothing but admiration for my new bestie. 
Now its my turn. Yippee. I'm so excited.
He washes my hair in the nicest smelling shampoo and gives me the best head massage - but tell me should I close my eyes and relax or keep them open? I felt like I should close them as he was doing it for so long but I feel a wally doing it. Please discuss and let me know.
He did light little finger taps all around my hair line. 😊😊
Yay getting really excited now as the scissors are coming out.
So he snips and clips while still sharing secrets (his not mine) then like all good things it came to an end.
My opening statement to him was I'm growing it long and please don't give me a 3 year old fringe.
(Can you sense where this is going.....)
So apart from not getting the tousled look I asked for I also don't get the proper fringe I asked for.
I know I'm growing it so full tousles are yet to be there but after him saying how awesome my hair would be for this and how well it will suit "my natural curl" I felt he would be the one and only hairdresser to ever give me the cut I've asked for.
Oh I should say prior to this my 3 hour car parking ticket ran out so the other hairdresser gave me her staff permit. Out I ran full foiled and black cape flying feeling on top of the world because my new bestie is going to make me look wonderful. Even the wolf whistles from the stupid work men don't annoy me on this special day.
So back I go to my new bff and he finished off the creation.
Dillon worked like a magician, honestly, I knew he'd cut the fringe but I couldn't really see the full effects as he kept it well hidden. Out comes the hair drier and the biggest fattest hair brush with metal spikes protruding from it.
As he's drying my hair I see steam coming out from it but when I meekly say "Erm my hair looks like it's about to catch on fire" new bff said "it's fine don't worry" it's then time for the big reveal .....my face was like this 😨😧😵😭😔🙈😣😠😦
I then did the typical thing when asked what I thought "Oh it's lovely, it feels so light and bouncy, what a shame I'm going to the gym later, it's going to go flat" all while fake smiling and patting new bouffant.
New bff's response "Oh don't worry about that, my blow drys last for a week" Oh Jeez please don't tell me that I'm silently saying.
My hair is so big. . . . Bigger than normal and I'm panicking how am I going to get out the door and how will I fit in the car.
I'm desperately trying to smother it down while Dillon is spraying sea salt spray in my hair and telling me how awesome this product is. I was already thinking of excuses why I didn't need to buy it if he asked, which thankfully he didn't.
I leave still fake smiling as he's thrusting his card onto my palm. I thank him several times more and yes agree to go back when I need another cut. (Like heck I will)
So sadly not only have I fallen out with my new bff (as if anyone could replace my real bestie 😊😊😊) I now look like a 3 year old and quite frankly do NOT know what to do.
I'm debating adding the pictures to show you just how bad it was straight after.
I'm going to sleep on it tonight and decide in the morning.
I also have other stories to tell you that I will do tomorrow. So until then night night.
Hope you're all surviving the heat. 
Oh you lot are lucky my blog won't save as a draft for some reason so I don't want to risk loosing all that I've written as it's taken me ages.
So.... the first picture attached is what I got (sob sob) and the second picture is me at home trying to some how control the bouffant.
Can you believe it, can you actually believe it. The third picture is after the straighteners did their magic - but as you can see still NOT impressed.
Please feel free to laugh as it's such a hideous style.
Sigh. So as you can see Kate Middleton I didn't get.
Grrrr.
You wait until you hear tomorrow's story 😂😃😄
Enjoy the laughter. Please feel free to ask your own hairdressers for "Maddi style" it could be the new trend. 😂😂😂😂😂