Landing with a bump

 My friend of almost 20 years very kindly met me from the airport, however, not my communication error but almost certainly 100% his, he thought when I said I land at 6.05 am I would indeed be springing off the areoplane into his arms at 6.06am. 

I warned him several times over the 9 months of planning it would most likely be nearer 7.30am by the time I got off, got luggage and make it through customs. not my fault he chose to ignore that vital piece of information. So out I spring to my beautiful friend who hasn't aged a bloody day and the last time I saw him was my wedding 18 years ago, me needing a small Sherpa plus donkey for my luggage and we embrace less than a millisecond before he's rushing me off in a lift as he has to be at work at 9am and the hotel he's booked for me is 90 minutes away and the same for him to get back to work. He then announced he spent all night at the airport Incase the plane came in early and he missed me (I have no logical reply for that to be honest) 

Time in London is like New York it goes quicker than any other city, I'm convinced because 1 minute I'm looking at my UK watch on my right wrist not my Singapore watch on my left wrist and it's 7.30am the next minute it's 8.30am. and I'm running down cobbled stoned streets chasing my friend and my luggage while I try and take in some of the historical London sights I've missed for the last 4 years, and procrastinating about Costa coffee and M&S (not that I could ever afford M&S when we lived here but that's not the point) 

My friend is yelling at me to hurry up and telling me about the hotel that he's not going to be able to get me there and himself back to work in time. But because I've just travelled all the way from Australia on my own I'm pretty sure I can get 1 train stop on my own and find the hotel "out of the station and right, past the hotel that looks really lovely, past the other one and then you're in the next one" ok, Rodger that. Simples hey. What would have been simple was before even getting on the train was if I'd worked out how to haul 1 x 30plus kg suitcase and 1 x 10ish kg, plus handbag of maybe x7 kg. Not gona lie it was a struggle, no one helped and it was traumatic. Clutching all bags for fear of someone robbing them, I did was was told to me and got off at the next station. Equally as hard getting all luggage off as it was on. Sigh. But hopeful and determined, off I walked to the exit, which was down 2 flights of stairs under the train track and up 2 flights of stairs. To be fair an old.guy asked if I wanted help, but sensing he may rob me I laughed and said 'Oh, no thanks, I've got this' then proceeded to practically break my own neck trying to get down and up the stairs. Double sigh.

To say I almost cried wouldn't be far from the truth, I was so tired and so exhausted the wheels on the suitcase just wouldn't behave and I just wanted my friend.

Of course the hotel wasn't a 5 minute walk like he said, 15 minutes at best and I'd found it, a small hurrah from me before falling through the door and finally letting out a sigh of relief. I could actually get in to bed...........

No wait I couldn't because the hotel wouldn't let me, oh no, no, no. We don't allow early check in, but your friend couldn't have paid for it, we don't allow it, why can't you show me your reservation, why don't you know your friends card details, you don't sound Australian, and no you can't have our wifi code until you're booked in (insanity at it's best here) 

The conversation went on and on and round and round in circles. Until I snapped and said just find me a room, any room or else I'm going to cry. Several tuts and eye rolling later and I was told to go and get a coffee and come back in 3 hours. Get a coffee and try and make it last 3 hours are you insane? Did you not hear me say I've just flown in from Australia, and yes I know I don't have an Australian accent some of us don't that live there, sigh, no I don't have an English mobile because I live in Australia, oh yes that's right again, I don't have an accent thank you for pointing that out for the 65th time. She hustled me out of that reception area like the bar staff after calling time, didn't even wish me to have a good time, 0 stars for you on your review. Thank goodness there was a coffee shop 3 minutes walk away so my trusty luggage with all 8 wonky wheels and I went there for a coffee and sundried sandwich which was pretty tasty, I got on their wifi and well, as the saying goes. Every cloud has a silver lining, and my friends, the silver lining for me that day was that my favourite shoe shop was having an amazing sale of the day. What are the chances. So I bought 2 pairs then quickly fired off a message to Sean saying there may be a little delivery coming for me while I'm away then quickly turned off my wifi!! 

Tootle - ooo 

Flying solo

 

I flew myself (well look I didn't fly the plane, merely I flew back by myself but that doesn't sound as fabulous the real way around) back to the UK, yes go me.

Of course I was not over the weight limit before I even left Australia, and of course I knew exactly what I was doing and what time all my flights were.

To pick up the story, this is how the flight from Singapore to the UK went .....

3 wines in and I  think my "partner" is dead. No joke, he hasn't moved for the last hour and his head is on his chest. Should I raise the alarm, should I maybe check his neck for 2 seconds like they do in the films, no one ever surely gets a pulse that quick in real life, right?

We were getting on so well, albeit the no eye contact. Jeez that bugs the shit out of me. But look he's my flying buddy for the next 13 hours so I'll give him a break. Plus he's a fellow Uk/ Aussie hybrid like me. So practically besties.

My other bestie who I actually got 3 vodkas out of at Singapore lay over is seated waaaay back in the plane. Shame because we were having a giggle. And I don't think it was just the vodka.

Have to say bitterly disappointed that Tom didn't make the plane.

What do you mean who's Tom??? TOM HARDY. My Tom. My love. Yeh yeh Sean knows. Everyone knows... all except Tom. Look he was probably busy doing a modelling shoot for the RSPCA. So he's excused. Oh the things I had planned for us in the air. He's probably had a lucky break. Hahaha.

And look I didn't cry saying good bye to Sean nor did I cry leaving Singapore, nor did I cry just before I started frantically typing this on my phone that I can barely see the screen and yes lady optician that I saw on Sunday I do think I need glasses and just because you don't doesn't make you right.

On my 3rd glass of wine. The very kind steward keeps filling me up. Air translation must have changed since covid. Twice now I've waved my hand to say no more but he's rushed off and filled me up.
So I smile. And say thank you. What else can I do.

Jeeze I've already been up since 3am this morning Aussie time and it's now maybe 5am the next day? Wait, is it? I'm wearing 2 watches, erm because I want to. Don't judge. My smart watch is on Singapore time which is 3 hrs behind Aus and my normal watch is on UK time.

You know I like to live dangerously. So depending on what wrist I look at, yes durh I don't wear both on the same wrist that's really dumb.

I could be in Singapore time or UK, So basically I've been up for a hundred hours and just scoffed noodles and crackers and now wine on top of wine on top of vodka..oh plus listening to Andy Whity AND I have extra leg room Aka my own little dance floor. Shit may get crazy in a bit.

The flight map which is opposite me and is on all the time is telling me we're just flying out of Singapore (thought we'd be a bit further than that, sigh). Oh no wait, it zoomed out we're over the sea, don't ask me which one. It's just the one you know near Singapore.
We are travelling at 929kmh which look I'm used to this speed with Sean so all good on that front. We are -41C and a million hours til we land.

Passenger check to left, yup he's still dead.
Bloody hell, I don't have time to be a witness and to  answer questions. I have Jack Will's to buy and see my bloody friends. Who I haven't seen for 4 years.
Yeh thanks covid you have pissed me off for sure.
Anyway back to dead person I didn't even get his name. Oh well.
Do you think he'd mind if I took his blanket? I could do with another one over my knees. Think they just upped the A/C

Am almost too frightened to sleep, I got my hair done today and it's pink. No not bright pink. Subtle like me. Looks pretty wicked. But I obviously want to walk off the plane looking like a Parisian model or like a giselle at the very least. And if I fall asleep I'm going to end up looking like Worzel Gummidge.

Not cool.

Thank you Andy Whitby for as always, banging tunes on your latest 37 bounce heaven album.

Oh and asking for a friend when is the appropriate time to recline chair? 
Think I've already annoyed the people behind when I had to jump up and get my headphone wire then as soon as I grabbed it I realised my phone was Bluetooth. Ooops.

Lights are dimmed now. Is that my cue to sleep? Hard job when Andy is pushing out some banging tunes.

Shit me though I'm bloody tired.

Signing off now for the 5 seconds I think I'm going to sleep.

Wish me luck

Still all about the Groupon

Who doesn't like a bargain?! Well I always do, but only if it benefits me. For example BOGOF on steak would not be a bargain for me, BLEUGH. But a chiropractor appointment with spine alignment AND free massage for a few dollars (the exact amount is not important, you get a free MASSAGE, that's the important part) worth it hey. Of course I googled it before I went, thank you trusty Google, some what knew where I was going (as if) and off I trotted after work with a skip and a leap. Finally I was going to be rid of stupid lower back annoyance and be able to finally do a back flip. 

So, turns out that this Chiro place was indeed just in someone's garage, look, they had a fancy desk and some fake plants so it felt some what professional, the plastic chairs socially distanced, again some what professional. But what wasn't professional was that the 2 people that went in before me ..... who may I add were only in there for less than 10 minutes were put through some sort of torture. I can only say that because there was a lot of "Ow's" "Fuck" and "Shit John" I did wonder what torture chamber I'd signed up for but like I say, the fake flowers led me to believe it was a legit joint. 

When it was my turn, Marilyn greeted me with a smile and said she would be the one taking care of me this afternoon. Alrighty Marilyn lets crack on. I didn't say. She let me know I'd have my massage first then John afterwards. What ever works lady, I'm just here to leave feeling a million dollars. 

The usual niceties occurred, yes yes, I know leave me for a minute, plonk all my clothes there, lie face down. Not my first rodeo Marilyn. 

She leaves, with actually not enough time for me to undress, what did I look like Marilyn that I had Velcro clothes on, give me another 30 seconds at least. But instead she stands and watches me take my trousers off in a rushed fashion and watches me literally throw them across the room. Well I guess there goes my evening of chillaxing I'm now ironing my work trousers for tomorrow. Cheers Marilyn. 

I try not to hold it against her. 

Up I jump on the bed while trying to remove my bra with old Marilyn standing presumably frowning and like the proverbial stripper I lassoed it around my head and flung to where I thought my clothes pile was. Only it sort of landed on her salt lamp. "Good aim hey" I proudly said. Marilyn did not answer, jealous bitch. 

"You want a relaxing one right" I was asked, "Shit no way, who ever ask's for that" I didn't say but thought. "Um, deep tissue if possible I'm quite stiff and I have loads of knots" I whimpishly stutter. 

Marilyn responds with a sigh. She starts on my back and I'm trying to zone out and relax (not my strongest quality at all) just as I'm some what relaxing, old Marilyn starts tutting and sighing "Oh God I hate this song, this won't do" and buggers off to the other side of the room while she faffs around with some other CD's (yup, who uses CD's anymore) until she finds "the right one" as she makes her way to my legs, I'm secretly hoping she's a mind reader and actually I asked for deep tissue not bloody relaxing. All of a sudden I feel her hand on my left bum cheek, what the heck lady, there's no need for that, and I didn't ask "for extra's" my immediate reaction is to tense up to then be told "relax, you're so tense" of course I am Marilyn your oiled up hand is on my bum. To make it fair and even she did the right bum cheek as well, Far out Marilyn, I don't think they teach this at massage school. I may be wrong but I don't think I am.

By now I'm so tense my shoulders are up over my head, past the point of no return yet Marilyn thinks by slapping my head and ordering me to relax is going to work a treat. It doesn't. Funny that hey. 

I'm now lying on my back and she takes my hand and begins to flap it around like some sort of dead fish, all the while telling me "Relax, Relax, RELAX" I look her square on in the eye and tell her "I'm trying too and I can't, I struggle to relax, hence why I'm here" and not because it was just a cheap deal on Groupon. 

She changes up her tactic then and starts to stroke my leg while saying "Give thanks to your beautiful legs for keeping you up and for carrying you" "Thank you to your strong legs, for guiding you" Say thanks to your legs" now I wasn't sure if that was an order to say thank you or just I don't know some sort of tactic to get me to relax. I didn't say thank you, instead I barely was able to keep my giggles in. Back up to the arms where she's stroking them like some sort of Persian tiger "thank you for these beautiful arms, they give love, they comfort everyone, they hug and protect everyone, say thank you to these gorgeous arms for being able to give love" I didn't mind being told I have beautiful arms, not wanting to brag but I have. The gun show is real! 

Then old Marilyn stops stroking (at last) and again start flapping my hand about, asking me "Why can't you relax, who's told you you can't relax, who's put all this pressure on you that you can't sit and rest, you keep going, you take everything on, you must learn to sit, people you live with can do more, the dishes can wait, the house work can wait, relax relax, RELAX ", Flappy arm, flappy arm

By this stage I was so over being told to relax I started to cry. What the heck Marilyn. I did NOT sign up to this malarkey. 

Instead of offering me a tissue like any normal person would do she began to stroke my hand and then started smacking it. At least I'd get a good story out of this I was thinking. 

Just when I was hoping and praying it was over, she moved to my head and started what can only be described as monkey behaviour. I don't know what she was looking for in my hair but she didn't find it. She also did some weird strokes on my face, again, not asked for and definitely not wanted. Note to self NO more Groupons and NO nice google reviews for you lady.  

At last it was over and she said very proudly "I'd love to work on you again" "Oh most definitely, I would love that" of course I said, while cursing and repeating all kinds of hell Marys in my mind. 

I was hoping John would be better and not such a weirdo.

Of course he wasn't. He rushed me in the room, basically told me he was magician and that Dr's don't know anything. Asked me to stand against the wall and face left while he took my picture, no chance for me to prep, strike a pose, nothing. Then as soon as he did that told me to get on the bed face down, went down my spine and then moaned because "You're so tense, you've just seen Marilyn why aren't you relaxed" 

"Mate" I replied " I struggle to relax" "Obviously" he said with the biggest of sighs.

While lying flat he poked each hip bone and pulled each ankle and said "You're fucked" true story, those were his exact words. "Um excuse me" I asked. "Yeh you're fucked, your left side is shorter than your right, your hips are all out of alignment and your spine is terrible" 

"Oh and the bad news is" he didn't find that funny. Maybe he need Marilyn to make him relax!

By now I'm pretty fed up and could actually just punch him in the head but I don't. He show's me my picture where he's drawn a nice little line through it to back up his side of the story that I am indeed "Fucked, your head sticks out too far and its the weight of 9.2kg's, you need help" 

Tells me he can fix me but I need to get an X-ray, he ironically knows a guy, just tell him I referred you, you'll get a good deal. Hmmm I've just sworn off deals but if you say it's a good deal I could be persuaded. Nah I'm kidding. I knew this was not a good deal. I'm not that daft. I nodded in agreement and thanked him very much. 

With that I'm shoved out the door to Marilyn grinning at the desk saying "Isn't he good" "Yeh good at being an idiot" I said in my mind 

Smiling profusely and thanking them both so, so much and yes of curse I'll be back, oh you do have a business card why thank you and oh yes please do keep me updated on all your specials and new letter. 

I ran out the door to my waiting car that was now parked up in the dark and probably feeling as spooked out as I was. 

So I repeat NO more Groupon deal (or is it?!) 

Ob's Marvellous Creations

  For about a year I have been "encouraging" my darling son Ob to cook for us on his day off every week. After all, he is classed as an adult now and I feel like it should be a nice thing to do for Sean and I. Right?!

Well, let me tell you how it's been going. The first week many many moons ago he cooked us one pot fry up, only this fry up didn't have beans, sausage, mushrooms, hash browns or bread on the side. What it did have was 1 rasher of bacon and 1 egg,  yes you read that right. ONE rsaher of bacon and 1 egg. Well I think it was an egg, I mean there was egg shell all over the kitchen and on the floor, so surely.... 

Not wanting to crush his spirits I told him it was the best meal I'd ever tasted, and continued for the next 3 weeks until I finally had to be honest. "Ob can we please have something more substantial than 1 rasher of bacon and deconstruced egg" (Worked out now the egg is fried) he resisted and utter a few heavy sighs and eyes rolling but finally agreed. I was imagining all sorts of marvellous creations, maybe a bit of colour, ooo maybe some fish, maybe even some pudding. Erm ...... NEGATIVE ... we had that evening, wait for it... ONE rasher of bacon, ONE deconstructed fried egg AND a sauasge, from memory it wasn't even a whole sausage but 1/3 of a sausage. Holey shit balls. This kid. 

The following week, we went back to bacon and deconstructed egg but this time, we had TWO rashers of bacon. Well actually I can't even be sure one of mine was bacon it resembled a pigs ear, you know the ones you give to a dog. He assured me it wasn't and that it had just been cooked longer than the others in this one pot. I then had to remind him the law of the kitchen, anything that goes on the floor automatically ends up on dad's plate (this is universal around the world, right?!!!) anything that potentially could be raw, on dad's plate it goes, anything burnt, anything remotely looking like anything other than what it should be..... on dad's plate. So why I was given the 'pigs ear' I have no idea. Sigh 

Several weeks went past where he managed to dodge this delight (not sure who was happier with this, us or him) the frequent "Oh I ate at lunch time so I'm not hungry" routine was used on several weeks, where funnily and quite miraculously he gained his appetite back as soon as we were dishing up. Until a gentle reminder via tx from me "Ob you're doing tea and no we don't want a fry up" so on this one occaion he pulled out all the big guns and we had BURGER, with lettuce, tomato, CHEESE and a deconstruced egg (of course). Literally felt like Christmas!! 

Up until a few weeks ago he's managed to dodge again. But 2 weeks ago we were given the surprise of our lives... the surprise being........................................................................... we had chicken ..... far out, bet you're as surprised as we were. Well wait, when I say chicken I mean chicken, just chicken.... he had brown rice, I don't eat rice, Sean had a small amount,  again normally a non rice eater. If you're also thinking it was a whole chicken breast, you'd be sadly mistaken. I had 1/3 , Sean had slighly more and Ob sat there with a whole one. (had to save some for his lunch for the next day you see) I was determined not even to add a thing to my measly 1/3 of chicken breast, not even a grain of salt.

I told him it was the best, yummiest meal I'd ever eaten. Using reversed psychology here, one day it's gota work surely?

Fast forward to last week where the chosen meal of choice was indeed a good old 1/3 of a chicken breast. But this week I had to add a smidgen of sweet chilli sauce, mainly because Ob had bought it and I knew it would annoy him. To say he's tight with his money is an understatement. (As you may well be able to tell now) 

The annoying thing is, not being given the  portions a 6 month old would eat, not that Ob makes more mess than a whirlwind passing through a small village, not even the fat that's splattered all over the walls, floors and bench top....... 

Nope.

None of that.

The annoying thing is

I haven't taken any photos of any of the meals 😣

 Bushwhacking and that's no euphemism

 I got offered to go on a "Bushwalk" with a friend from work and his family, I'll be honest I did think I would make up some fantastic excuse on the day or the day before and decline but then the thought of being out and donning some fitnees gear took over, so I agreed. 

I should have thought something was off when I asked him if I'd be back in time for pilates at 5pm (yes get me I'm an avid pilates go-er now, I'll write about that on another post. He assured me we would "Probably be back for 5" 

We agreed that we would meet in Tharwa car park as from there in there's no signal and lets be honest I would have got lost if I hadn't follwed him.

I'll set the scene, I wake up at stoopid O'Clock and it's -4 degrees, Still ever hopeful that as I live in Australia it will indeed be at least 26 degrees later in the day. (Nearly 7 years of living here and I'm still not used to the freezing winters here) I dressed accordingly for the bushwalk I was going on, Lorna Jane leggins (no more Cotton On ones for me), new trainers that have only been worn 5 times, matching black top and my cool new bright pink jumper. Thought I'd better take a coat just in case, also new but just a KMart cheapo one, but strangley the warmest coat I've got. I was prepared and packed my lunch the night before, was intending to take my cute little Nike rucksack but Sean offered me his camoflaugued hunting one with added camelbak so I thought I'd go with his as the camelbak wouldn't fit in the cute little Nike bag. Didn't want to be lugging around too mcuh extra weight so just filled it up with 1ltr of water, well seem as we were just going on a gentle stroll I didn't think I needed any more. Made a cheese sandwich, 2 baby tomato's and some nuts, enough to last all day at least. 

It was an hours drive to the first meet and then another 40 minutes drive to the actual start of the bushwalk, when I met my friend at the randevous, his first question after studying my outfit was "Have you come prepared" "Prepared for what" I challenged, When he said a bush walk I told him I didn't have anything suitable and surely I'll be ok, he said he would have lent me "gear" if he'd known I wasn't prepared. Well you'd have thought after that conversation I would have jumped in the car and driven straight home but no I followed him to the start. There was also someone else at the randevous point, someone who I found out 3 hours later my friend didn't actually know him, he was the friend of my friends friend. Keeping up? Also one of the son's of this guy was wearing a sombrero so again I figured perfect attire for a gentle stroll.  Picture this, all of them looked like something out of a Kathmandu catalogue, me in my Lorna Janes stood out like sore thumb. 

After braving the public toilet and scanning for scaries at the randevous point, temp checked on trusty fitness band and yup still 4 degrees, I followed my friend who was actually a passenger in his other friends van. So 3 cars in total. Vanessa (my friends friend) offered me to go in Sombrero wearing hat's car but my friend said "Oh it's better if we have the 4x 4 with us in case any one gets stuck.... YET still I followed them. So Vanessa in her van with her 4 kids and my friend, his wife, their 2 kids, Sombreo family x 4 in their car and me in the trusty 4x4 trundled along to start this gentle stroll. After doing a U-ey on the road and re finding the actual turning, we all drove along this dusty dirt track, through 2 massive puddles that had ice on (before we all cracked it) No match for me in the Discovery and actually feeling pretty excited that I'd done some form of off roading (surely) we had indeed arrived. Everyone piled out of the cars introductions given and typically all the females went to use the loo (a bloody drop toilet, still cant get used to these, just yuck, but better than a bush wee) bit more milling around then we were off. Book signed to say who we were and number plate details, I was suitably impressed someone would at least know we were out but did we really need all that infomation being logged on a manky old notenook exposed to the elements when we were just doing a gentle stroll?? 

Our gentle stroll did indeed start off as a gentle stroll, for all of about 10 minutes, then we're veering off left along something far from a track, long grass, longer grass and lets chuck a bit more of longer wet grass in for good measure. I actually felt quite positive chatting along to a bunch of strangers while tramping along and aroung this ever increasing long grass. It was all great until Sombrero wearing kid's dad who now we'll call him Old Mate (a friendly Aussie term used for just about everyone) stopped and said quite calmly "Where's my son?" now lets really set the the scene, my friend who will now be known as Mountain Goat (a name I think you can work out why he's getting that) was no where to be seen, and actually didn't even know we'd lost Old Mate's kid until the day after when we were back at work. Us 3 mums in the group stopped dead in our tracks and almost got mother bear, Sombrero wearing kid, was enjoying this and said "Imagine if we'd really lost him, and it turned out to be some sort of a horror film" who even is this kid I asked?? Old Mate is now calling for his son, but not as frantically as the 3 mother bears, what seemed like about 20 minutes but may have ony been 17, this little head pops up over the brow of the hump, quite literally looking like he'd be fighting off wolves. Old Mate calmly says "Oh there he is" and continues to walk the bush. 2 hours in and morning coffee consumed, except there was no coffee and no snacks, rememeber what was in my rucksack, but the thought was there, I did think a lot during the walk that someone surely is going to suggest turning back, surely these kids aren't really going to be expected to walk up a bloody mountain. But yup they absolutely were. But most of all I kept thinking we are NOT making this mountain in 6 hours like Mountain Goat said we would. 

In fact it took us 4 hours to get to the top, of which I might add, was icy, STEEP, scary AND did I mention icy? The kids and Mountain Goat walked up it as if it was an elevator, meanwhile little old me on all 4's climbing like a bloody bear for fear of falling and also not sure my brand new trainers had such a good grip on them, I did make it to the top, only to look up and realise there's more to walk. The kids are already up there and half way through lunch, Mountain Goat and Old mate on their way up, Meanwhile the 3 mother bears contemplated staying where we were, but no the kids called to their resepective mums and beckoned them up. Luckily for me Ob took me bouldering on Mothers day a few weeks back, and so not be shown up by him I scaled each course there like a pro (of course in my dreams!) so I felt like I could managed these rocks with ease. Yeh right, apart from the fact there was ice and no handy holds like there was at bouldering and no colours depicting where to hold or what way to scale said mountain. Still undeterred and having to reach the top I soildered on. The last bit of climbing the rock I had to force my way through some spikey old random wild bush it was either that or go over, I figure through would be easier. 

Did I fail to mention that while climbing for 4 hours to get to the top of  the mountain the bush we were indeed walking through was in the terrible bush fires we had last year so consequently every tree I grabbed hold of to haul my tired ass up the mountain inevidably snapped and then also covered me in charcoal, Even those ones that looked like they had some life in them, nope they snapped off as well, oh and don't forget all the little mossy humps that look like they would support my weight. They did NOT. There were several moments where I contemplated pushing Mountain Goat off the cliff but then who would I have several coffee breaks a day with at work. So I figured he could survive for a bit longer. 

One of the highlights (please read that with the highest degree of sarcasm) when we were nearing the top of the mountain, I said to Vanessa "We're really not going to make this in 6 hours" she almost gave herself whip lash when she turned to me and shrieked "He told you 6, he TOLD me 7" his wife then pipes up in stictches saying "Are you serious, we won't get this done within 10 hours" Slighly ever so fuming, not only because my brand new trainers were getting covered in charcaol, my ankles cut to shred from all the dead spikey trees I was having to walk through, also every other branch being swiped across my face from who ever was in front of me, nope not even that my 1ltr of water was now gone and I still had another 5 hours of walking to do but fuming because as ever hopeful as I was, I now had to admit to myself that I was going to miss Big Brother. Mountain Goat you will pay, it was hell week and I was missing the nomination challenge, well quite ironically I was in my own hell week. Sigh

After spending way too long at the top and yes the views were amazing, stunning and very beautiful, but after only packing a sandwich and 2 baby tomato's lunch quite frankly for me was 59 minutes too long. Of course the decent was equally appealing, Mountain Goat floated down like Mary Poppins and her magical umbrealla, while the rest of us, struggled on the ICE, yes the ICE. The kids were equally as agile as Mountain Goat and there was no fear of them taking their time. Vanessa and Old mate and myself included were dreading the decent, Mountain Goat took no notice of this and merrily skipped on ahead. Every single step the rest of us took was calculated, judged and tested for its stability before commiting to the step, so to say it was evident it was going to be a very slow trek down was an understatement. 

After navigating the ICE, Old Mate decided on several occasions to fall over and for the first 15 times, I was quite concerned and would stop and ask him if he was ok, but after that and feeling quite faint from only having a sandwich and 2 baby tomatos oh and also even more angrier because I realised I wasn't going to get home to buy my limited edition brand new new trainers that were only realeased to 200 pairs and going on sale at 6pm, would have liked to have messaged Sean but the only signal was when we were on top of the mountain (and no that's no joke, Old Mate's phone rang as soon as we got to the summit) At one stage Old Mate was lying on his back like a turtle not moving and all sense of concern and care was lost, like my enthusiasm for bloody bushwhacking. So the kindess thing to do was to quite literally walk over him an not even acknowledge him. In fairness all 3 mother bears did the same, it's quite by luck he got himself up I think, other wise he'd still be there now. 

My every 30 second question to Mountain Goat of "Are we there yet" was answered by "Nearly there", I can confirm after 3 hours of asking that, we were still no where near and the best bit.... wait for it.... It was starting to get dark, but that's ok, we all had torches... right .... WRONG. we had Old Mate's torch on his camera that started off on 27% and after about 30 minutes we were down to 2% and for some reason it started to flash, so not only did we not know where we were going, we were in the dark with some sort of strobe party going on. I was mourning my new new trainers and Mountain Goat kept talking about how pretty the bloody stars were, never mind the fact his wife was literally and figueratively no where to be seen (later found out she'd hurt her knee really bad, If Mountain Goat had been less Mountain Goat and more Wombat he would have maybe realised) 

We finally reached the car after 9 hours, and to say I was relieved is an understatement, when I got home, the first thing Ob said to me "I'm so glad I didn't go" Next time son, next time I'm dragging you I promise. 

 

                                                   

                                                   Did I mention there was no track, 

As you can see I'm donning the traditional Bushwhacking clothes 

                                                                   NOT, double sigh. 

                                                                     Oh look stars!

No down time for Boomer

Puppy class take 3 and 4.
Week 3 saw Boomer, Daisy and Nora. Poor Bella was sick we were told.. or was she still being a little shit? I'm not judging but I needed Bella there to make Boomer look good.
Boomer sang his little heart out pretty much all the class and when he was "quiet" he was allowed down time. He was struggling to get down like a box of crickets trying to get out. Poor boy he just wanted to play with his mates.
Nora still won't sit on the floor and Daisy still goes rag doll. So no way as interesting as our singing wriggling Boomer.
I may have been getting a bit cranky and sending angry vibes to puppy lady.

Week 4 and we were told all about worms, ticks and having them de sexed. Puppy lady even let us look at some ticks in a little pot where we all ooohed and ahhed in admiration. Not sure what else you say or how else you're supposed to react??
Sean unfortunately (or fortunately couldn't make him. He suddenly had "a meeting" in Sydney.Yes that old chestnut. Funny how this meeting sprung up after we were told in week 3 how we were going to get tested on our training with our pups. Sigh. So Ob came with me and Boomer behaved very well, just a little bit of singing, he was so happy his mate Bella was back. She felt the same way. When allowed to play they rushed to each other and snuggled.... well a bit like the fox and the hound really. Or in truth they piled in to the other 2 and bulldozed them like a ball rumbling along the skittle alley. We of coursed looked the other way and made no eye contact with Bella's mum and dad!!!

I was extra chuffed and quite smug when Bella had to have time out, although I don't think it was justified, so she was hanging off Daisy's neck, Daisy shouldn't have put her neck in Bella's mouth. Simple as.
Boomer was quite distressed when Bella got snatched away from him so showed his annoyance by chasing Nora all through the legs of everyone. Her mum did not look impressed.
Boomer showed puppy lady that even with sneaky hand and sneaky leg he will NOT lie down. Is it that necessary? I mean he can lie, he does enough of that through put the day and night whilst snoring proudly.  But he can sit, wait and sing so he's doing good.

I could have done with him sleeping as bit more this weekend.... I had the audacity to go out for a few hours and look what I came back too.....

 But when I asked him, he said it wasn't him and I have to believe him, how could this face lie?

He also found a great hide and seek place!!!

#rainbowfamily adventures part 1

After a year of talking about it, ignoring the fact and stressing about it (how on earth are we going to pay for this and oh my goodness we're doing a massive trip to America how do we fit every thing in) the day finally arrived to leave. 

Not without issues.. do we Uber. Do we taxi. Advantages to both, Uber cheaper but at 4 in the morning would anyone really be awake? 

Would either car be big enough. 

Get Charlotte to take us....  After the first experience in her car not likely

So we drove and left the car at the airport. In true Sean style we were there before any staff but luckily for us the doors were opened so we weren't left out in the cold. 

Sleepy already and with that "I know I haven't got explosives or knives in my luggage and even though I packed it myself what if... just what if drugs managed to find there way in" apprehension. We stood and waited for our friends to arrive. 

All checked in and Qantas lounge ready we hit the floor running. Coffee all round and food for those who could eat at 5am. (Not me I was still trying to perfect my L.A. body) 

Not much time there before we were boarded and landing in Melbourne (so much quicker than driving and when I told this to Sean all I got told was "but it's cheaper" enough said.

Qantas lounge hit again... more bubbles and again for those that wanted - food. I could get used, to this lounge malarky. Boarding called and we were off. We had the back of the plane (don't get me started on that) friends upstairs (lucky buggers). 

The question "drink of choice" is always asked on every flight. Even though we know the answer already, mine is always rum and coke and Sean, always vodka and coke. Occasionally he'll have a whiskey but more often than not it's vodka. 

Settled in for the 13 hour flight, photo taken as that's what I do at the start of every flight and ...... we're off. Sean is asleep in less than 30 seconds and Ob is the same. I however sit and sit and sit and wait for sleep to take over, like it does when I'm at work or in the car (and yes some times when I'm driving) But it didn't come, well if it did it was a burst of 30 seconds and no longer. Grrrr. But it was ok I'll sleep on the 5 hour flight to New York right??

Wrong. No sleep for me then either but at least Sean and Ob had another 5 hours (not mad at all) 

After hitting the lounge again In L.A and meeting Super's sister Taters (yes that is her real name) we landed in New York. Wow I love that place. It is honestly amazing. Hard work but amazing. 

Bags dumped after... wait for it, the best bit... Arriving in STYLE in a frikken limo. Yes we hired a limo. It was cheaper than hiring a Uber or taxi what ever. As you remember Sean my darling husband likes to save money. So there we were met by Lil Wayne, probably not his name but he was small and looked like a Wayne (kinda) in the back of the limo drinking the duty free vodka that Tristan had the good sense to put in his checked bag from duty free but didn't have the good sense to tell his mate to do the same. A very lucky baggage checker was going to have a good night on that vodka (enough said, not bitter or grumpy at all) Luckily Lil Wayne stocked the back of the limo with Ginger Ale but didn't stock it with quite enough so the vodka mix was about 80/20. Plus Super was pouring and that's never a good idea, between her and Sean you get pissed on one drink. 

Andy Whitby blasted out from the speakers and we were balling. No sunroof though so we couldn't do the full wind through our hair down the highway (mind you with my bouff that was probably better) Got to the hotel, bags dumped, shower and make up applied in 5 minutes and to Tonic we headed. 

Oh by Christ, I thought the last time Sean and I were it was an unforgettable night (literally... too many Times Squares) This time was a brand new level even for us. We did start out quite tame, Times Squares x 5 all round. Then maybe another round then possibly a third with a side of wings and chips (I think) I still hadn't got my L.A body so refused to eat. Then suddenly a bloody bong comes along (I blame Super, she ordered it and made us all do it) ok so not a bong but a Hooka thing. I can't even remember what the flavoured was, all I know I did not like it and I could not blow smoke rings despite me trying and despite me looking like I was having a fit. 

Shots were now appearing on the table but I had the good sense to pass on mine and give them to the next nearest drunkard who happened to be Sean. Taters took a few as well although she put up more resistance than Sean. 

At some stage we decided to leave, also after trying to work the bill out and why we were charged an extra $150 bucks for some thing we didn't order, luckily sober Ob was with us. Lots of moaning about the tip that's expected and assumed, actually that was the theme most of the holiday and down right annoying. I'm all for tipping if the service was great but when it's expected that annoys the shit out of me. 

Some how between leaving there and what happened next is a bit of a mystery. there are 6 different stories. the crux being Ob and I walked back to the hotel alone. Sean started talking to some random toothless homeless gangster, Tristan disappeared, Super challenged the artist guy that drew her and Taters, but with good reason, as drunk as I was, not one of them had a donut on their head. But from that experience I have realised that I could become a street artist. 

People are so drunk that you can draw what you like and they love it (except Super didn't, and she also didn't love the $20 price, but paid it as Taters was being yelled at across the road ...20 bucks, yes 20 BUCKS as she was at the ATM) 

They have their own story about what happened next, all I know is that when I woke up Sean was beside me fully clothed and looking worse for wear. No face tattoo's or tigers in the bathroom luckily (well not in New York anyway) 

Part 2 to follow....

Yeh baby LIMO time 

Quite normal here hey. 

The Hooka thingy

(also not sure why all the pics went red, Oh Tonic you are a crazy place) 

After leaving, and yes that's Sean's happy face 

See.... who had a frikken donut on their head?? 

Sean was most concerned about Super as you can see. 

Oh and for those that wondered Tristan did turn up, not sure where he disappeared too, not sure he even knows. 

#rainbowfamily