Yesterday was Christmas day as I'm sure you all know and don't need telling.
We have I guess you'd call it a tradition where no presents are put under the tree until late Christmas eve.
This year is no exception, once the kids are in bed I go and get all the presents from their hiding place which I think is universal all over the world, from the wardrobe, right? The miraculous thing is that I, like every other mum I believe, seem to manage to hide all the presents into the smallest of hiding places. Feeling good and chuffed with myself and remembering (or so I thought) all of the hiding places I then can relax. List checked for the millionth time that yes everything I've bought is wrapped and I have bought enough presents.
So Christmas morning comes along and the stocking are dragged in to our room by the children (yes I know they're now 14 and 18 but they still get a stocking)
We then break from tradition and go straight to the tree to open presents. We agree to 2 then breakfast then more presents but we end up doing 3.
Breakfast is a leisurely affair now we have a hot Christmas we eat outside.
Back to presents. Ob was in charge of dishing out presents which he did very well until after about 15 minutes he says 'Why hasn't Charlotte opened any presents' 'what I shriek, she has' I look at Charlotte and she's all quiet and says 'I haven't opened any more'. Out comes trusty list and I'm looking for Charlotte shaped presents under the tree and there are NONE
But not to worry I run to the wardrobe which is now a walk in robe don't you know, so this is where the trouble begins. There was only so many presents I could hide in the robe, what with both birthdays and Christmas so I had to improvise. I knew I had some in the garage but I'd checked there 5 times and they were not there. Checked the suitcase in the robe, nope not there. Sigh.
Slight panic begins to set in while Sean and Ob are laughing while Charlotte sends a group tx to her friends saying " charming, mum's lost my presents"
Sean then decides to help and checks the robe that I've already checked 4 times and the garage now 6 times. Spare room checked, nope not there, TV unit in the family room, nope not there.
Back to the tree to see if they had magically appeared there and they hadn't. Back to the robe I go again and they still haven't appeared then, just as I'm about to really panic I spy one of the moving boxes in the corner Sean's side and then the old light bulb goes on and YES I remember now .... I attack that box like a woman possessed and there they are sitting all pretty and just waiting to be put under the tree.
The ironic thing is that we'd been telling Charlotte she wasn't getting any presents now she's 18 and then for that to happen ... well, I thought it was funny.
Another tradition of ours is that we always go for a Christmas day walk regardless of weather and we smile for the camera and make it look like we're not freezing cold or soaking wet. This year because it's so boiling we excused the kids and Sean and I went on our own. Before we leave Sean asks "shall we put the gammon (or ham as its known here) on Mad" "No" I reply quite smugly it only takes an hour and forty five minutes we can do it when we get back, we won't be long"
Sean looks at me confused and asks "are you sure it doesn't take longer Mad? "
Of course I'm sure I shriek back, Jamie told me (I talk about Jamie Oliver as if he's my best friend, I wish he was, or at least a friend)
I thrust the Woolhworths magazine at Sean and say look here it is, in big letters ONE HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES COOKING TIME.
Sean then reads with great concentration on his face and turns to me and says "Mad, you're supposed to marinade the meat over night, then bring it to room temperature for 30 minutes, then cook it for ONE HOUR FORTY FIVE MINUTES, then rest it again for 30 minutes"
Bugger, Are you sure" " Yes Mad" I'm told.
Hmmmm.
Epic fail, at this rate we wouldn't be eating until 5 and we were due to go to our neighbours at 6 who were also cooking for us. Gulp.
So we get the meat done with all the fancy ingredients including star Annise I might add plus Chinese five spice (get us) decorate with sprigs of Rosemary that sadly Jamie I have to add were not fresh from our garden (with no snakes!) Chuck it in the fridge, which I must say is so big I have to empty at least half of the fridge out to get this ham in (which on closer inspection is supposed to feed between 16 and 20 people) head to the lake for our Christmas day walk. Which by the way was lovely.
I have to say though Jamie the meat did not take ONE HOUR 45 MINUTES it was well over two and a half but because we're mates I'll let you off.
So lessons learnt yesterday was to write on trusty list where presents are hidden plus read the instructions properly including the small print on all new recipes.
Saturday, 26 December 2015
Friday, 25 December 2015
Star baker .. I am not
G'day everyone.
It's that time of year again when 3 of the 4 of us go and have birthdays all within a week of each other. Crazy right, but the more people I talk to the more I hear other people are just as stupid!
I could firstly tell you about the birthdays but in truth 2 of the 4 of us were poorly on 2 of the 3 birthdays. So that's not what I'm going to do.
Instead I'm going to share with you my wonderful cake creations.
In my head and I blame a lot if not all of this down to bake off, they make things look easy and when I'm watching it I sit and shout at the telly how hard can THAT be, (amongst other unprintable things)
So the theme this year for Ob's cake was some weights. How hard can that be right? In my head as all my creations are, they are marvellous, fantastic and look exactly how they should do. Sadly in truth they end up with me getting the hump and turning the air blue.
Like I said this year I made some cakes to look like weights. I was actually prepared this year and made the sponges about 2 weeks before. I thought I was on a roll. Sean buys the black icing and away I go. Only it's not away I go. The icing wont roll, it sticks to the bench top and has now made my wooden rolling pin have bits of black embedded in so it looks mouldy now. Sigh.
I managed to sort of get it on to one of the cakes while grumbling very loudly while I might add Sean lays on the sofa being ill. He dares to glance over and timidly asks if I want help. So I scream back at him I didn't and how can this be so hard whilst also screaming I am never doing this again. (I feel at this stage he is praying I don't).
With one of the cakes covered in black icing that is now white from me rolling it in icing sugar I turn to the next "weight" only it won't stay propped up against the other one like it's supposed to be doing in my marvellous creation. So more very loud grumbling and a few tears (of anger) and Sean drags himself over. "Don't touch anything" I'm screaming "I don't want your germs" he props himself up and looks at the cake and this is why he should get husband of the year "It's not that bad Mad" Of course I don't accept his lies and scream even louder.
Let me tell you making letters out of icing is NOT easy either and no matter how many times I could not get it right. As I'm writing this I'm debating over sharing my photos as I don't know if I can risk not causing any one an injury as you fall off your chair in hysterics.
By now I am over this cake (Aussie for fed up, had enough etc) so I resist throwing it at the wall and cover it with a tea towel ready for the big reveal to Ob. Secretly hoping the tea towel will some how magic away my marvellous creation and leave a true to life one)
It doesn't happen sadly, on presentation to Ob my marvellous creation I take a sly glance at Charlotte and I proudly hand over the marvellous creation like Mufasa did with Simba the Lion King and she is struggling to hold back the giggles, actually there was no struggling at all. She's laughing, I look at Sean and growl and see he is laughing too, look at the birthday boy and his face is sheer horror and stutters 'erm thank you' I ask if he can see what it is and he in true honest Ob form shrugs and says 'no', 'it's weights I scream' he laughs and say 'oh yeh' not at all convince. So I point out look 'it's weights it's got 20kgs on and Ob 14'. He looks at me and says 'oh yeh' then laughs a bit more and says 'it's very good'
It may not have looked as good as it did in my head but it tasted delicious and that's all that matters.
When it came to Charlotte's birthday I decided that I'd buy her a cake and rid myself of the stress of baking one. First time in 18 years so not bad hey?
I have also included when, again this is bake off's fault, I made bagels and hot cross buns. Easy they said, piece of cake they said. LIARS I SCREAM.
My bagels did not turn out with a perfect hole after swinging them around with 2 fingers in the middle and the hot cross buns were not a dream to make like the program informed me it would.
It's that time of year again when 3 of the 4 of us go and have birthdays all within a week of each other. Crazy right, but the more people I talk to the more I hear other people are just as stupid!
I could firstly tell you about the birthdays but in truth 2 of the 4 of us were poorly on 2 of the 3 birthdays. So that's not what I'm going to do.
Instead I'm going to share with you my wonderful cake creations.
In my head and I blame a lot if not all of this down to bake off, they make things look easy and when I'm watching it I sit and shout at the telly how hard can THAT be, (amongst other unprintable things)
So the theme this year for Ob's cake was some weights. How hard can that be right? In my head as all my creations are, they are marvellous, fantastic and look exactly how they should do. Sadly in truth they end up with me getting the hump and turning the air blue.
Like I said this year I made some cakes to look like weights. I was actually prepared this year and made the sponges about 2 weeks before. I thought I was on a roll. Sean buys the black icing and away I go. Only it's not away I go. The icing wont roll, it sticks to the bench top and has now made my wooden rolling pin have bits of black embedded in so it looks mouldy now. Sigh.
I managed to sort of get it on to one of the cakes while grumbling very loudly while I might add Sean lays on the sofa being ill. He dares to glance over and timidly asks if I want help. So I scream back at him I didn't and how can this be so hard whilst also screaming I am never doing this again. (I feel at this stage he is praying I don't).
With one of the cakes covered in black icing that is now white from me rolling it in icing sugar I turn to the next "weight" only it won't stay propped up against the other one like it's supposed to be doing in my marvellous creation. So more very loud grumbling and a few tears (of anger) and Sean drags himself over. "Don't touch anything" I'm screaming "I don't want your germs" he props himself up and looks at the cake and this is why he should get husband of the year "It's not that bad Mad" Of course I don't accept his lies and scream even louder.
Let me tell you making letters out of icing is NOT easy either and no matter how many times I could not get it right. As I'm writing this I'm debating over sharing my photos as I don't know if I can risk not causing any one an injury as you fall off your chair in hysterics.
By now I am over this cake (Aussie for fed up, had enough etc) so I resist throwing it at the wall and cover it with a tea towel ready for the big reveal to Ob. Secretly hoping the tea towel will some how magic away my marvellous creation and leave a true to life one)
It doesn't happen sadly, on presentation to Ob my marvellous creation I take a sly glance at Charlotte and I proudly hand over the marvellous creation like Mufasa did with Simba the Lion King and she is struggling to hold back the giggles, actually there was no struggling at all. She's laughing, I look at Sean and growl and see he is laughing too, look at the birthday boy and his face is sheer horror and stutters 'erm thank you' I ask if he can see what it is and he in true honest Ob form shrugs and says 'no', 'it's weights I scream' he laughs and say 'oh yeh' not at all convince. So I point out look 'it's weights it's got 20kgs on and Ob 14'. He looks at me and says 'oh yeh' then laughs a bit more and says 'it's very good'
It may not have looked as good as it did in my head but it tasted delicious and that's all that matters.
When it came to Charlotte's birthday I decided that I'd buy her a cake and rid myself of the stress of baking one. First time in 18 years so not bad hey?
I have also included when, again this is bake off's fault, I made bagels and hot cross buns. Easy they said, piece of cake they said. LIARS I SCREAM.
My bagels did not turn out with a perfect hole after swinging them around with 2 fingers in the middle and the hot cross buns were not a dream to make like the program informed me it would.
There have been so many more disasters in the kitchen that I could litreally write a book. May be I will. It could be called 'Guess my cake'
Ob's Game of Thrones cake for his 13th. But I don't need to tell you that, obvious isn't it.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
3 on the bed and apologies
So its that time again when I have a day off so can write about my adventures and yes first I have to go food shopping. Sigh, which results in my fear of will the trolley coin work this time (remember so far it hasn't) As I'm walking to the trolleys I see an abandoned one that's not chained to its siblings, so I do a little fist pump in the air and grab it from the clutches of the old man about to do the same. If he knew my battle with trolleys and Aldi in general I'm sure he would've been sympathetic.
So off I trundle and grab all the bits I need, I timed it right, just before all the other annoying mums have got there after dropping off their children at school.
So, at the till there is not my normal friendly person whom I chat to, instead it's this half wit, he looks about as impressed to be there as I do, he was NOT impressed when I couldn't remember my pin number and sighed louder than I do, so I told him there was no need for that (everything over here is efpos aka tap and pay so really no need to remember pin unless its over $100) so after 2 attempts and me forgetting which account I want them to rob me from and also taking my card out too early resulting in half wit having to put the amount through for the third time I'm then free.
We are now in the third week of the store opening and so far I have had 1 kiss on the cheek from a very excited elderly man with a very stubbly face and was asked this by a very odd man "would you like to join my wife and I on the bed" my reply "erm no thank you" odd man "could you please we want to see what it's like" "See what what's like" I screech back, odd man then tells me he's buying a mattress as a sofa and he wants to see what it's like with 3 people sitting on it. So I politely try and tell him we actually sell sofas and try and push him in that direction, but no, odd man is insistent I join him and his wife on the bed. Sigh.
So I slowly walk to the bed with odd mans wife beaming at me and patting the bed beside her so I sit at the opposite end on the edge and fake smile back. Odd man jumps in the middle and asks me if I'd mind sitting back further, so I reluctantly do only for him and her to then start bouncing up and down resulting in me looking like an idiot being bounce up and down. So I shriek at them "what are you doing" odd man says "seeing how much it bounces can you feel it" I replied "NO" and promptly got off and with folded arms and demanded "are you buying that or not" they did actually buy it and they were extremely pleased with their mattress as a sofa. (weird people of Canberra)
I also had a customer ask me a question and on hearing my reply asked my where about in Finland was I from. So yet again I find myself explaining "No, I'm not Finnish I'm English" resulting in him looking at me as if I'm telling the most extortionate lie and walks off.
So I ask myself again with a puzzled face do I sound Finnish? Double sigh.
Did have a result with home delivery last week (Sean very kindly did it for me so I didn't have the trauma of going to Aldi, I did feel loved I can tell you) anyway it turns up bang on time and as I'm unloading it I'm seeing not 1 but 5 packs of bacon. Wow I thought Sean must really want bacon. So I tx and ask him what's with the 5 packs of bacon he replies by saying he only ordered 1, check receipt and yup only paid for 1. Yay result, if only the bacon was proper bacon we'd be laughing.
Also got more chicken than we bargained for and a refund for some bits that weren't in stock but yet actually go delivered. Happy days.
On to the last thing, I was Christmas shopping last week (which is odd and confusing doing it in shorts and flip flops and in a bazillion degrees) so I'm in a bit of a flap and not really concentrating where I am or what I'm doing (in true Maddi style) and I some how manage to trip over a blind man's stick, actually looking back I think he did it on purpose. My legs were doing the river dance as I tripped over then tried avoiding it again while he was just trying to get out of the shop. Sorry blind man, I then go to the next shop where the poor man at the till has only got one arm, he was struggling with the coat hanger so I asked "Do you want a hand" quickly realise the error of my question and then blurt out "of course you'd like a hand I mean help, shall I help you" I then end up screeching at him. So I'm sorry one handed man if I offended you.
Oh and the very last thing as I'm getting out of my car this morning I realise my dress is some how hitched up and I'm showing off my very pretty M&S spotty pants just as the neighbours 2 doors down drive past. Cringe. They don't know me so all is well. I just hope I didn't wander around Aldi like it. Gulp.
So off I trundle and grab all the bits I need, I timed it right, just before all the other annoying mums have got there after dropping off their children at school.
So, at the till there is not my normal friendly person whom I chat to, instead it's this half wit, he looks about as impressed to be there as I do, he was NOT impressed when I couldn't remember my pin number and sighed louder than I do, so I told him there was no need for that (everything over here is efpos aka tap and pay so really no need to remember pin unless its over $100) so after 2 attempts and me forgetting which account I want them to rob me from and also taking my card out too early resulting in half wit having to put the amount through for the third time I'm then free.
We are now in the third week of the store opening and so far I have had 1 kiss on the cheek from a very excited elderly man with a very stubbly face and was asked this by a very odd man "would you like to join my wife and I on the bed" my reply "erm no thank you" odd man "could you please we want to see what it's like" "See what what's like" I screech back, odd man then tells me he's buying a mattress as a sofa and he wants to see what it's like with 3 people sitting on it. So I politely try and tell him we actually sell sofas and try and push him in that direction, but no, odd man is insistent I join him and his wife on the bed. Sigh.
So I slowly walk to the bed with odd mans wife beaming at me and patting the bed beside her so I sit at the opposite end on the edge and fake smile back. Odd man jumps in the middle and asks me if I'd mind sitting back further, so I reluctantly do only for him and her to then start bouncing up and down resulting in me looking like an idiot being bounce up and down. So I shriek at them "what are you doing" odd man says "seeing how much it bounces can you feel it" I replied "NO" and promptly got off and with folded arms and demanded "are you buying that or not" they did actually buy it and they were extremely pleased with their mattress as a sofa. (weird people of Canberra)
I also had a customer ask me a question and on hearing my reply asked my where about in Finland was I from. So yet again I find myself explaining "No, I'm not Finnish I'm English" resulting in him looking at me as if I'm telling the most extortionate lie and walks off.
So I ask myself again with a puzzled face do I sound Finnish? Double sigh.
Did have a result with home delivery last week (Sean very kindly did it for me so I didn't have the trauma of going to Aldi, I did feel loved I can tell you) anyway it turns up bang on time and as I'm unloading it I'm seeing not 1 but 5 packs of bacon. Wow I thought Sean must really want bacon. So I tx and ask him what's with the 5 packs of bacon he replies by saying he only ordered 1, check receipt and yup only paid for 1. Yay result, if only the bacon was proper bacon we'd be laughing.
Also got more chicken than we bargained for and a refund for some bits that weren't in stock but yet actually go delivered. Happy days.
On to the last thing, I was Christmas shopping last week (which is odd and confusing doing it in shorts and flip flops and in a bazillion degrees) so I'm in a bit of a flap and not really concentrating where I am or what I'm doing (in true Maddi style) and I some how manage to trip over a blind man's stick, actually looking back I think he did it on purpose. My legs were doing the river dance as I tripped over then tried avoiding it again while he was just trying to get out of the shop. Sorry blind man, I then go to the next shop where the poor man at the till has only got one arm, he was struggling with the coat hanger so I asked "Do you want a hand" quickly realise the error of my question and then blurt out "of course you'd like a hand I mean help, shall I help you" I then end up screeching at him. So I'm sorry one handed man if I offended you.
Oh and the very last thing as I'm getting out of my car this morning I realise my dress is some how hitched up and I'm showing off my very pretty M&S spotty pants just as the neighbours 2 doors down drive past. Cringe. They don't know me so all is well. I just hope I didn't wander around Aldi like it. Gulp.
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
Another Aldi experience.
So last night I stopped off to Aldi to get some picnic food (more about this later)
Struggle yet again with the trolley coin as I have done all the other times I go to Aldi (which fyi is one of 3 as you know supermarkets here in Canberra, Sigh. Do miss Sainsbury, any how)
So after struggling with the trolley coin (they don't have baskets here presumably so you buy more or don't pinch them? I managed to get the trolley with the worse wheels ever and just ever so slightly bumping into some poor person walking past (I had no control over this thing) I manage to get inside.
Within seconds of me looking at all the rice cakes (remember the tuna episode ...... it was a bit like that but this time I just opted for barbecue flavour and not one of each) I hear a "miss, miss, miss"
I turn around and there is a very small oriental man standing there beaming at me, I felt like a celebrity and thought yup, he's read my blog, he recognises me. In my head I'm mentally thinking now how good does the bouffant look today. As I'd just finished work and hadn't washed it or brushed it since Saturday (more on this later too) I felt pretty confident that I was probably not worthy of a photo but who am I to disappoint my fan!
So I stand and beam back at him and then glance down to see he's not holding a camera but instead dried milk powder. Hmmmm I though that's a weird present to give your idol, still it's a gift so I'll act great full.
He's now saying miss again A LOT. So still beaming I say "yes" and he then thrusts paper into my hand, ooo I thought he wants an autograph, how awesome, I love signing my name. I'm ready to dive into trusty side pocket (which carries my trusty safety knife WHICH I love and carry around every day and some times sing to it when I'm bored or fed up, I honestly don't know why I haven't had one before. They are the most useful things and I love it) (hmmmm just re read that ... what has my life come to calling my work pocket trusty. Sigh)
Sorry I digress (I have a day off today hence why there is waffling going on).
Back to the paper.... it actually says on there DRIED WHOLE MILK. He's pointing at the paper and then pointing at the dried milk powder he's holding. He starts to nod, so I start to nod. He then says miss a few more times, I still carry on nodding. His wife (I'm assuming it was his wife, they looked too old to be boyfriend and girlfriend) started saying miss as well, so I'm nodding at her while still beaming. He is still pointing at the milk powder in his hand and nodding so I say .. "yes that's the one" total look of confusion from him and his wife. So then I start to nod again, and they start to nod. She then points to the semi skimmed milk powder. "Oh no I say, you don't want that one" and start to shake my head so they start to shake their head.
He then points again to the paper and the milk he's holding but also to the semi skimmed milk, I assume he wants to know the difference.
So in my best English /Spanish /Scottish /Irish /American accent I tell him one is whole milk and reiterate this by moving my hands about a foot apart and semi I go on to tell him is half and move my hands down. He looks confused so I then tell him "semi is not whole, not good" I'm drawing a blank here, so I thought I'd show him by pointing at the whole milk and standing get very tall and straight then pointed to the semi and crouching down low then beaming up at him.
They did NOT look impressed and did not keep smiling, instead held on to whole milk powder and walked off.
Well I thought. That's the last time I demonstrate the difference between whole and semi milk powder.
I also thought he forgot to take my picture. Sob.
Grabbed picnic stuff and have the usual random conversation with the till boy and quickly run as fast as the stupid trolley with the worse wheels in the world will let me and jump in my car to go home.
The picnic ..... at lunch time yesterday it was boiling and I know it was boiling because I was getting boiled while sitting in my car eating my banana. (I curse my deputy for buying a car with a metal gear knob. Burns my hand in the summer and freezes it in the winter) that's where the brain wave came for a picnic.
We drove to the lake by us (the one where Charlotte fainted) and all murmured on the way it was looking at bit grey. But dismissed it as hey we're in Australia it's supposed to be sunny ALL the time.
Got to picnic site and headed for the picnic bench sat down and ...... it was windy, cold and not at all boiling. So we ate our picnic within minutes laughed at how every one was in coats and hoods while we were sat there in shorts, tee shirts and flips flops. (They were probably laughing at us actually)
Got home had the pimms I took with us to drink and look sophisticated (having had a childhood of picnics on the side of the road regardless of traffic hammering past us and where ever we were at 1pm exactly the car HAD to be stopped and out came the cardboard box which held warm cheese sandwiches and if we were lucky pickled onion monster munch crisps) so I feel I have to provide our children with happier memories.... hence the pimms and being sophisticated! I even took houmous with us which they all hate bar me and some brie. See... very sophisticated!
Now some interesting news .... I braved another half head of foils and a cut. For once I actually got what I asked for and what I was promised. The only thing I didn't get, was charged the amount I thought it would be. I can't tell you what it is because I'm still trying to get my head around the price. But let's say in shoe value I could have had another 4 or 5 pairs sent over from the UK. Gulp.
If I'd have known how much it was going to be I would've drunk more of their coffee. At least I caught up on all the celebrity news of Australia. ... just a shame I don't know any of them. Hey ho. (The reason I didn't brush or wash my hair since then was because she made it look amazing, not at all bouffanty or like I was 105). It's been washed today though and I deliberated about posting a picture but it's erm a little wild and a little crazy so thought I'd save myself the embarrassment.
Just to please you, on my day off I planned to sunbathe and chill in my garden (which still has no snakes.... yay) but it's raining. So off to guru me thinks in a bit for a coffee and a random chat!
Trusty work pocket....
What's in trusty pocket... as you can see all essential items and I'm not scared to be stranded on a mountain or lost in the bush.... just as long as I'm in my work clothes.
Struggle yet again with the trolley coin as I have done all the other times I go to Aldi (which fyi is one of 3 as you know supermarkets here in Canberra, Sigh. Do miss Sainsbury, any how)
So after struggling with the trolley coin (they don't have baskets here presumably so you buy more or don't pinch them? I managed to get the trolley with the worse wheels ever and just ever so slightly bumping into some poor person walking past (I had no control over this thing) I manage to get inside.
Within seconds of me looking at all the rice cakes (remember the tuna episode ...... it was a bit like that but this time I just opted for barbecue flavour and not one of each) I hear a "miss, miss, miss"
I turn around and there is a very small oriental man standing there beaming at me, I felt like a celebrity and thought yup, he's read my blog, he recognises me. In my head I'm mentally thinking now how good does the bouffant look today. As I'd just finished work and hadn't washed it or brushed it since Saturday (more on this later too) I felt pretty confident that I was probably not worthy of a photo but who am I to disappoint my fan!
So I stand and beam back at him and then glance down to see he's not holding a camera but instead dried milk powder. Hmmmm I though that's a weird present to give your idol, still it's a gift so I'll act great full.
He's now saying miss again A LOT. So still beaming I say "yes" and he then thrusts paper into my hand, ooo I thought he wants an autograph, how awesome, I love signing my name. I'm ready to dive into trusty side pocket (which carries my trusty safety knife WHICH I love and carry around every day and some times sing to it when I'm bored or fed up, I honestly don't know why I haven't had one before. They are the most useful things and I love it) (hmmmm just re read that ... what has my life come to calling my work pocket trusty. Sigh)
Sorry I digress (I have a day off today hence why there is waffling going on).
Back to the paper.... it actually says on there DRIED WHOLE MILK. He's pointing at the paper and then pointing at the dried milk powder he's holding. He starts to nod, so I start to nod. He then says miss a few more times, I still carry on nodding. His wife (I'm assuming it was his wife, they looked too old to be boyfriend and girlfriend) started saying miss as well, so I'm nodding at her while still beaming. He is still pointing at the milk powder in his hand and nodding so I say .. "yes that's the one" total look of confusion from him and his wife. So then I start to nod again, and they start to nod. She then points to the semi skimmed milk powder. "Oh no I say, you don't want that one" and start to shake my head so they start to shake their head.
He then points again to the paper and the milk he's holding but also to the semi skimmed milk, I assume he wants to know the difference.
So in my best English /Spanish /Scottish /Irish /American accent I tell him one is whole milk and reiterate this by moving my hands about a foot apart and semi I go on to tell him is half and move my hands down. He looks confused so I then tell him "semi is not whole, not good" I'm drawing a blank here, so I thought I'd show him by pointing at the whole milk and standing get very tall and straight then pointed to the semi and crouching down low then beaming up at him.
They did NOT look impressed and did not keep smiling, instead held on to whole milk powder and walked off.
Well I thought. That's the last time I demonstrate the difference between whole and semi milk powder.
I also thought he forgot to take my picture. Sob.
Grabbed picnic stuff and have the usual random conversation with the till boy and quickly run as fast as the stupid trolley with the worse wheels in the world will let me and jump in my car to go home.
The picnic ..... at lunch time yesterday it was boiling and I know it was boiling because I was getting boiled while sitting in my car eating my banana. (I curse my deputy for buying a car with a metal gear knob. Burns my hand in the summer and freezes it in the winter) that's where the brain wave came for a picnic.
We drove to the lake by us (the one where Charlotte fainted) and all murmured on the way it was looking at bit grey. But dismissed it as hey we're in Australia it's supposed to be sunny ALL the time.
Got to picnic site and headed for the picnic bench sat down and ...... it was windy, cold and not at all boiling. So we ate our picnic within minutes laughed at how every one was in coats and hoods while we were sat there in shorts, tee shirts and flips flops. (They were probably laughing at us actually)
Got home had the pimms I took with us to drink and look sophisticated (having had a childhood of picnics on the side of the road regardless of traffic hammering past us and where ever we were at 1pm exactly the car HAD to be stopped and out came the cardboard box which held warm cheese sandwiches and if we were lucky pickled onion monster munch crisps) so I feel I have to provide our children with happier memories.... hence the pimms and being sophisticated! I even took houmous with us which they all hate bar me and some brie. See... very sophisticated!
Now some interesting news .... I braved another half head of foils and a cut. For once I actually got what I asked for and what I was promised. The only thing I didn't get, was charged the amount I thought it would be. I can't tell you what it is because I'm still trying to get my head around the price. But let's say in shoe value I could have had another 4 or 5 pairs sent over from the UK. Gulp.
If I'd have known how much it was going to be I would've drunk more of their coffee. At least I caught up on all the celebrity news of Australia. ... just a shame I don't know any of them. Hey ho. (The reason I didn't brush or wash my hair since then was because she made it look amazing, not at all bouffanty or like I was 105). It's been washed today though and I deliberated about posting a picture but it's erm a little wild and a little crazy so thought I'd save myself the embarrassment.
Just to please you, on my day off I planned to sunbathe and chill in my garden (which still has no snakes.... yay) but it's raining. So off to guru me thinks in a bit for a coffee and a random chat!
Xx
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
Maddi the Spaniard
G'day.
It's been a while I know. Due to working FULL TIME (have I mentioned that before?) I now have no time to shop, no time for coffee with the lovelies and worse no time to blog. Sob and sigh.
Any how...During my working weeks I have been been building A LOT. ...I am now a master and am pretty very awesome. I still hide in the wardrobes (see attached picture) this was taken this morning while I fitted the trouser pull out hanger to it. After taking said photo I realised I was being watch by another co-worker so in true Maddi style I just shrugged and said "I'm British" he looked as confused as me trying to find my way around the store. (Getting lost is a daily thing for me). Sigh 😕😣 As you know this is my favourite phrase and excuses me for pretty much every thing (well in my head it does)
A few blunders I either said or done over the last few weeks are...During the weekly store huddle (yes we have a weekly huddle, we also have a daily huddle... please feel free to message me further on this and I'll let explain in great detail) The store manager during the weekly huddle asked "hands up who's had a good week" What I heard him say was "hands up if you haven't had a good week" I was amazed by people's honesty, one of the team leaders sat near me was gobsmacked and bowled over at mine.... 😣 sigh.
This is also the store manager who quite rightly has been going around taking photos of the stores progression and when he walked past me last Friday, making bed slats I say "Oh come on, I'm always on the floor when you take my picture"
I didn't realise how it sounded until a few days ago when I told Sean that I made our manager chuckle for the first time. Sean thought it was hilarious and so did our friends when I repeated it to them. Double sigh.
Remember the old guy I offered a screw to.... well I may have accidentally asked him to bed..... 😣😣😨😨. I was up the ladder of the loft bed I built (see I am a master builder) and this bed to say it's wobbly is an understatement. So there I am up this ladder of said wobbly loft bed, struggling to unroll a double mattress and get it out of the packaging............ he walks past and says "You know what they say about the bed you make is the bed you lie in". I reply "No, didn't know that, I wouldn't want to in this one it's so wobbly but do you want to try it anyway though?" He didn't reply, just sort of scurried away. Our eyes met over the restaurant the other day.... he quickly looked away. Another case of "I'm British" 😣😄.
The first week of building I'm asked "So you're Scottish right" when I explained to this person that no I'm actually English he told me "all sounds the same to me" so that afternoon I called him Eric. ... (a lot) he was getting so confused and a little cranky, I was getting a little amused. Hehehe.
Yesterday I'm stopped by some one at the coffee machine as I'm getting a double espresso and dash of milk (which I don't drink know because it tastes disgusting yet am hopeful one day it may be nice, I live in hope) He turns to me and smiles and says "Hi", I beam back and say Hi... the conversation follows like this.
Cd (Coffee dude) "Hey you're Spanish"
Me "Erm no"
Cd "Yes, you're Spanish, you look Spanish and you sound Spanish"
Me "😨😨😨😨😲😲😲😲 I do?"
Cd "Yes"
Me "I'm English, can't you tell, I am English (I shriek) can you hear my accent"
Cd "No because you're Spanish"
Me "No ... I'm really English"
With that coffee dude walked off in stitches.
Now seriously have I ever sounded or looked Spanish.
Double sigh. I have nothing against sounding Spanish or even looking Spanish but really..... do I???
It's been a while I know. Due to working FULL TIME (have I mentioned that before?) I now have no time to shop, no time for coffee with the lovelies and worse no time to blog. Sob and sigh.
Any how...During my working weeks I have been been building A LOT. ...I am now a master and am pretty very awesome. I still hide in the wardrobes (see attached picture) this was taken this morning while I fitted the trouser pull out hanger to it. After taking said photo I realised I was being watch by another co-worker so in true Maddi style I just shrugged and said "I'm British" he looked as confused as me trying to find my way around the store. (Getting lost is a daily thing for me). Sigh 😕😣 As you know this is my favourite phrase and excuses me for pretty much every thing (well in my head it does)
A few blunders I either said or done over the last few weeks are...During the weekly store huddle (yes we have a weekly huddle, we also have a daily huddle... please feel free to message me further on this and I'll let explain in great detail) The store manager during the weekly huddle asked "hands up who's had a good week" What I heard him say was "hands up if you haven't had a good week" I was amazed by people's honesty, one of the team leaders sat near me was gobsmacked and bowled over at mine.... 😣 sigh.
This is also the store manager who quite rightly has been going around taking photos of the stores progression and when he walked past me last Friday, making bed slats I say "Oh come on, I'm always on the floor when you take my picture"
I didn't realise how it sounded until a few days ago when I told Sean that I made our manager chuckle for the first time. Sean thought it was hilarious and so did our friends when I repeated it to them. Double sigh.
Remember the old guy I offered a screw to.... well I may have accidentally asked him to bed..... 😣😣😨😨. I was up the ladder of the loft bed I built (see I am a master builder) and this bed to say it's wobbly is an understatement. So there I am up this ladder of said wobbly loft bed, struggling to unroll a double mattress and get it out of the packaging............ he walks past and says "You know what they say about the bed you make is the bed you lie in". I reply "No, didn't know that, I wouldn't want to in this one it's so wobbly but do you want to try it anyway though?" He didn't reply, just sort of scurried away. Our eyes met over the restaurant the other day.... he quickly looked away. Another case of "I'm British" 😣😄.
The first week of building I'm asked "So you're Scottish right" when I explained to this person that no I'm actually English he told me "all sounds the same to me" so that afternoon I called him Eric. ... (a lot) he was getting so confused and a little cranky, I was getting a little amused. Hehehe.
Yesterday I'm stopped by some one at the coffee machine as I'm getting a double espresso and dash of milk (which I don't drink know because it tastes disgusting yet am hopeful one day it may be nice, I live in hope) He turns to me and smiles and says "Hi", I beam back and say Hi... the conversation follows like this.
Cd (Coffee dude) "Hey you're Spanish"
Me "Erm no"
Cd "Yes, you're Spanish, you look Spanish and you sound Spanish"
Me "😨😨😨😨😲😲😲😲 I do?"
Cd "Yes"
Me "I'm English, can't you tell, I am English (I shriek) can you hear my accent"
Cd "No because you're Spanish"
Me "No ... I'm really English"
With that coffee dude walked off in stitches.
Now seriously have I ever sounded or looked Spanish.
Double sigh. I have nothing against sounding Spanish or even looking Spanish but really..... do I???
Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Anyone need a screw ....
Evening all.
6pm here and thought I'd spend the next hour writing to you. Sean is in the office / spare room doing spin on his road bike with trusty mac advising him what to do.
I went to spin class this morning at 6 am and got shouted at what to do. Which I have to say did get easy then I didn't go for a week because of being in Sydney with work and now I feel like I'm back to square one. Hey ho.
I went to spin class this morning at 6 am and got shouted at what to do. Which I have to say did get easy then I didn't go for a week because of being in Sydney with work and now I feel like I'm back to square one. Hey ho.
So my week last week was erm. ... OK. The first 2 days I did nothing but pillow fluff which actually after 8 hours of doing I was glad by the 3rd day to be in the wardrobe part. I've found the answer to all the questions asked by customers is simply say "just follow the path and you'll see/get it" works a treat. Sean was not impressed when I told him this. But what does he know.
The 4th day I was more prepared and took initiative and shut all the wardrobe doors that were open, even the ones customers had just opened and were looking in. This did actually catch me out, as one couple asked me if I could help them. They wanted a massive wardrobe with massive storage which cost not a massive lot hehe.
It was mainly for dresses, anyway I was so confused by the end of it I didn't know whether I was coming or going and when putting it through the computer system I some how added on extra delivery to an already pick and deliver service, which my colleague from the store told me that's something I shouldn't have been able to do and how did I do it? I have no idea, I have literally no idea how the computers work let alone adding additional services to it. So he had to start the whole thing off again from scratch. It wasn't like I'd spent 30 minutes in the first place trying to put the order through. Sigh.
The 4th day I was more prepared and took initiative and shut all the wardrobe doors that were open, even the ones customers had just opened and were looking in. This did actually catch me out, as one couple asked me if I could help them. They wanted a massive wardrobe with massive storage which cost not a massive lot hehe.
It was mainly for dresses, anyway I was so confused by the end of it I didn't know whether I was coming or going and when putting it through the computer system I some how added on extra delivery to an already pick and deliver service, which my colleague from the store told me that's something I shouldn't have been able to do and how did I do it? I have no idea, I have literally no idea how the computers work let alone adding additional services to it. So he had to start the whole thing off again from scratch. It wasn't like I'd spent 30 minutes in the first place trying to put the order through. Sigh.
This week I'm back in Canberra and have been building chest of drawers, I can actually hide in a wide 3 drawer one quiet well, (before the drawers are in of course) I know this because I have been doing it just now and again when the tiny screws keep jumping out of my hands and I'm resisting having a diva fit. I take a minute a sit in the chest of drawers. Try it, it's quite liberating.
Had an epic fail today, I managed to put all the right runners on the left side and the left ones on the right side and only realised when I came to put the drawers in. Massive sigh. My friend actually did exactly the same 2 hours later which I was VERY pleased about.
Had an epic fail today, I managed to put all the right runners on the left side and the left ones on the right side and only realised when I came to put the drawers in. Massive sigh. My friend actually did exactly the same 2 hours later which I was VERY pleased about.
My first blunder of the week was miss over hearing a very lovely man who's old enough to be my dad say he'd lost a screw, or that's what I heard. Ever the helpful thing and any excuse to stop building chest of drawers call over, "are you looking for a screw" no reply just wide eyes staring back, un-deterred like I am and not realising what I'd just said, shout a little louder "I can give you a screw if you'd like" then the penny drops and I realise what I've just said so simply say "no screw needed today then" still no reply so I bow my head down to the table at the 5 million screws left over and make a mental note to self not to offer people screws.
I may have also asked my manager today if he'd like me to sort his drawers out, he didn't look impressed with my offer either. Sigh.
The good thing about work is that there's a really good looking guy there and it brightens my day seeing him now and again 😊
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Saturday test
Hi everyone.
I have just had a very amusing experience happen and only felt it right I should share with you lot.
So, Sean came back last night (he's been in Sydney for 3 days) and we have a vodka & coke to start the weekend off with.
This morning I have to follow him in our car to drop the hire car off.
So we're pootling along and suddenly the cars all start to slow down.
The police are ahead and they are waving EVERY single car to the side.
I start to panic, I had 2 last night but any one that knows Sean, knows he pours his shots like they are going out of fashion.
I'm watching Sean and thinking crap we're both for the high jump.
He pulls up and then within seconds he's driving off.
I'm now shaking and have gone all hot with fear.
So... I drive up to the policeman that's waving me to pull up (very slowly I might add, oh and quite typically my hair is frantic as I didn't bother doing it this morning and I have my Willy Wonka sunglasses on, picture attached, so to say I was looking suspicious was an understatement) Sigh.
So I greet the policeman (PM) with a very big smile (thanking my lucky stars I brushed my teeth before leaving) and he asked "Can you count to 10"
My reply "yes"
Slight pause, I'm now really shaking and squirming and I can see Sean is waiting at the side for me and watching.
PM says again whilst holding his breathalyser near me "I need you to count to 10"
I'm expecting to blow into the breathalyser and I'm looking at it and thinking where the hell do I blow and why hasn't he covered it so I'm not getting anyone else's germs.
My reply "I'm confused, I don't know what you mean"
So he says again (all very nicely I have to say)
"Can you count to 10"
Me - "But why, you're confusing me, aren't I supposed to blow into that thing"
PM "No you just count to 10 and it measures any alcohol in your breath"
Me "Oh I see, sorry I'm a bit dumb" flash him an award winning smile and he repeats "Can you count to 10"
Me "Yes"
PM "Now?"
Me "Oh, you want me to count now"
He's now laughing (I think, probably at the Willy Wonka glasses more than anything)
So I count and then say "How'd I do?"
He said "All good"
I apologise again and think omg what am I like and drive of still shaking.
First thing Sean asks me when we get to the hire drop off "Were you flirting with him, you seemed to take a really long time"
Me "No I was confused what he was asking me"
Sean "Why what did he ask you, I was only asked to count to 15"
Me "I had to count to 10"
Sean "So why was that confusing Mad"
Then I had to tell him my tale.
He laughed all the way home
Oh and yesterday at step I managed to fall off, very gracefully while fist pumping the air to make it look like I was improvising.
The night before was body attack and to be honest I almost would rather prefer getting attacked, I think I would ache less.
Today I was late getting to the class because the PM kept me talking too long so I went on the machines... well I tried too... even though I was shown yesterday I can't remember what she was saying to do and not to do.
So I'm on the cross trainer and it decides NOT to move, I just cannot move it, it just goes back and forward about 6 inches not the full rotation. So I thump every button at least 3 times and still nothing. So I gingerly get off wipe it down like all the posters tell you to and try and lift weights. Only they're too heavy and I'm rather bored. So I wipe my brow and leave. And reward myself with a strong mint by the reception.
We're off out tonight to the speak easy club again. I'm debating whether I need new shoes to go....... ahhh just remembered where I live. So that'll be a no then. Sigh.
I have just had a very amusing experience happen and only felt it right I should share with you lot.
So, Sean came back last night (he's been in Sydney for 3 days) and we have a vodka & coke to start the weekend off with.
This morning I have to follow him in our car to drop the hire car off.
So we're pootling along and suddenly the cars all start to slow down.
The police are ahead and they are waving EVERY single car to the side.
I start to panic, I had 2 last night but any one that knows Sean, knows he pours his shots like they are going out of fashion.
I'm watching Sean and thinking crap we're both for the high jump.
He pulls up and then within seconds he's driving off.
I'm now shaking and have gone all hot with fear.
So... I drive up to the policeman that's waving me to pull up (very slowly I might add, oh and quite typically my hair is frantic as I didn't bother doing it this morning and I have my Willy Wonka sunglasses on, picture attached, so to say I was looking suspicious was an understatement) Sigh.
So I greet the policeman (PM) with a very big smile (thanking my lucky stars I brushed my teeth before leaving) and he asked "Can you count to 10"
My reply "yes"
Slight pause, I'm now really shaking and squirming and I can see Sean is waiting at the side for me and watching.
PM says again whilst holding his breathalyser near me "I need you to count to 10"
I'm expecting to blow into the breathalyser and I'm looking at it and thinking where the hell do I blow and why hasn't he covered it so I'm not getting anyone else's germs.
My reply "I'm confused, I don't know what you mean"
So he says again (all very nicely I have to say)
"Can you count to 10"
Me - "But why, you're confusing me, aren't I supposed to blow into that thing"
PM "No you just count to 10 and it measures any alcohol in your breath"
Me "Oh I see, sorry I'm a bit dumb" flash him an award winning smile and he repeats "Can you count to 10"
Me "Yes"
PM "Now?"
Me "Oh, you want me to count now"
He's now laughing (I think, probably at the Willy Wonka glasses more than anything)
So I count and then say "How'd I do?"
He said "All good"
I apologise again and think omg what am I like and drive of still shaking.
First thing Sean asks me when we get to the hire drop off "Were you flirting with him, you seemed to take a really long time"
Me "No I was confused what he was asking me"
Sean "Why what did he ask you, I was only asked to count to 15"
Me "I had to count to 10"
Sean "So why was that confusing Mad"
Then I had to tell him my tale.
He laughed all the way home
Oh and yesterday at step I managed to fall off, very gracefully while fist pumping the air to make it look like I was improvising.
The night before was body attack and to be honest I almost would rather prefer getting attacked, I think I would ache less.
Today I was late getting to the class because the PM kept me talking too long so I went on the machines... well I tried too... even though I was shown yesterday I can't remember what she was saying to do and not to do.
So I'm on the cross trainer and it decides NOT to move, I just cannot move it, it just goes back and forward about 6 inches not the full rotation. So I thump every button at least 3 times and still nothing. So I gingerly get off wipe it down like all the posters tell you to and try and lift weights. Only they're too heavy and I'm rather bored. So I wipe my brow and leave. And reward myself with a strong mint by the reception.
We're off out tonight to the speak easy club again. I'm debating whether I need new shoes to go....... ahhh just remembered where I live. So that'll be a no then. Sigh.
Sunday, 27 September 2015
A few more oops moments....
Like the title says here's a few other moments when talking to my darling husband I've had to say oops more than once.
The first being when I was offered the job with IKEA I asked him if he knew they were going to offer it, his reply was 'yes of course I knew'
He then went on to tell me that my area manager (AM ) had laughingly said this.....
AM -'We're going to offer Maddi the job but we're just not sure on her taste of men'
When Sean told me this, my reply after gasping was 'but how do they know I love Tom Hardy, I didn't mention him at all in my interview, that's really weird' I went on to say.
Sean now looking not as happy at the start of our conversation simply said 'he meant me Mad, not Tom Hardy'
Oops
Second oops. We have an IKEA social media app that only the exclusive can join. So I joined to see what all the hype was about and it asked me if I wanted to follow anyone in IKEA. So I sat and thought about this for a VERY long time, thought some more then decided I didn't really know anyone to follow so I looked for Sean's friend in the Bristol store in the UK and found himself, had a nosey what he'd been posting on this exclusive site then logged out satisfied that it was quite useful.
I told Sean exactly what I did and the fact that I couldn't think of anyone to follow and he looked at me and said quite sternly 'And you didn't think of me Mad?'
'ERM, no I actually didn't, oops, sorry' I said then started having the giggles.
He was NOT impressed.
The very gorgeous Tom Hardy......
The first being when I was offered the job with IKEA I asked him if he knew they were going to offer it, his reply was 'yes of course I knew'
He then went on to tell me that my area manager (AM ) had laughingly said this.....
AM -'We're going to offer Maddi the job but we're just not sure on her taste of men'
When Sean told me this, my reply after gasping was 'but how do they know I love Tom Hardy, I didn't mention him at all in my interview, that's really weird' I went on to say.
Sean now looking not as happy at the start of our conversation simply said 'he meant me Mad, not Tom Hardy'
Oops
Second oops. We have an IKEA social media app that only the exclusive can join. So I joined to see what all the hype was about and it asked me if I wanted to follow anyone in IKEA. So I sat and thought about this for a VERY long time, thought some more then decided I didn't really know anyone to follow so I looked for Sean's friend in the Bristol store in the UK and found himself, had a nosey what he'd been posting on this exclusive site then logged out satisfied that it was quite useful.
I told Sean exactly what I did and the fact that I couldn't think of anyone to follow and he looked at me and said quite sternly 'And you didn't think of me Mad?'
'ERM, no I actually didn't, oops, sorry' I said then started having the giggles.
He was NOT impressed.
But here's my real one true love 😊😄
Friday, 25 September 2015
Willies in the bathroom ....
G'day all.
Down to business... did I tell you that when I applied to IKEA I only wanted part time hours? Assumed in my interview I was getting part time as I mentioned it plenty of times... and when I started the first week the HR manager who I know anyway asked with a puzzled face "Didn't you just want part time hours" "YES" I probably said a bit too loud and desperate, She then informed me that my beloved deputy may have had a part in me getting full time hours. GRRRRRR.
Anyway I'm there full time and its not quite the pillow fluffing I expected it to be.
No more to say on that.
I failed to tell you in the last email about the guy at Costco...and that the last time I went there I very nearly accidentally (of course) ran him over. Now this guy by his own admission is not a small chap and also is COVERED in high visibility attire because of working in the fuel court and presumably so he doesn't get run over on a daily basis.
So after nearly running him over the first time, the second time I'm much more careful to not run him over. Our Costco card is still the English one with no bar code so I have to get him over to use his staff one to enable the pump to work. When I walked over to him he states "You're the one that nearly ran me over last week" "Yup that's me" I replied. then told him not worry as I won't again. He looks at me suspiciously and mumbles "I doubt that"
Anyway we get talking and we are now in first term names, (helped that we both had our work name badges on) I know all about him and his family and he hits the gym too, he goes to Golds the weight lifting one. He makes getting fuel a whole lot better!
Also got chatting on the phone to the opticians wife (who offered me a job!!) for an hour and a half.... I kid you not.
Note to self... still actually haven't told her I don't actually want the job, hope they're still not holding it for me. Gulp.
The till person in Aldi is also very chatty and we have a good gossip about random things. Now I think about it, my conversations are all random, these poor people must think I'm a little odd.
Any excuse to chat to people I'm ON IT!!
Just not to the IKEA people I started with. (No more to say about that) Tell a lie, there is a Spanish lady I'm friendly with who is lovely.
Down to the subject in hand... Willies in the bathroom......
As I said I'm in the bedroom department in IKEA (full time I must state AGAIN)
and last week we had to go to Sydney to get practise and experience of working in a store. Part of out daily routines are to check all the room sets are tidy and lovely.
As I'm inspecting the en suite apart of the bedrooms room set I spy A LOT of willies drawn on the tiles and wall. After laughing, I then had this conversation with my colleague (C)
Me "Do you have a rubber"
C "WHAAAAT"
Me sighing .. "Do you have a rubber, there's willies in the bathroom"
C shrieks "WHAAAAT"
Me grumbling "Look do you have a rubber or not, I need to get rid of some willies in the bathroom"
C "Erm, No I don't" ... slight pause, "Are you sure?"
Me " Yes I need a rubber, there's loads of willies"
C "Do you want to show me"
Me sighing much more loudly now "If you want"
C now very slowly walks to the bathroom set and gingerly pulls back the shower curtain and starts hysterically laughing.
Me "See I told you I need to a rubber to get rid of these willies, they're every where"
C "We say eraser over here a rubber is a condom"
"Ahhhh" I reply "hence your stupid expression, well we call them rubbers because they RUB out things, and I'm English so I win, now do you have a rubber"
C "NO" and walks off laughing
I did eventually get a rubber / eraser and thanked my lucky stars I didn't ask my team leader for one! GULP.
Can someone answer a question for me please... In the UK we do call Michael Bouble the 'boobs' don't we???
Note to you all they DON'T here and I know this because on the way home another colleague (who I like) asked to play his music as I was navigator (I know right how did that happen I can barely get myself to the other side of Canberra without getting lost... I have to say that I was NO help in navigating out of Sydney but at least I got to be in charge of the music.... Melbourne Bounce blared MOST of the way home)
So when Michael Bouble starts to play I turn round and ask my colleague "Do you like the boobs"
His poor face was a picture, it was sheer horror, Not deterred I asked him again 'Do you like the boobs?" The whole car by now is silent and it suddenly clicks what I asked him. "Do you not call Michael Bouble the boobs here" I ask
By now everyone is in stitches and all inform me that NO he is not known as the boobs. Sean also said we don't call him the boobs, but I'm sure we do. So please let me know.
Word quickly got round to the other car about my blunders. 
Hey ho.....
No snakes in the garden... Phew
Morning,
How are we all? Its very windy here and very chilly. I know this because I'm sat in my freezer! I'm sat here with my cappuccino (with milk) and a glass of Berroca (on account of not wanting to get crook again) makes an interesting breakfast don't you think?
Last weekend for those that haven't seen or heard we saw Koala's, I was just a little excited and boy they are super cute looking. The lady at the reserve said we were really lucky to see one out eating as they normally sleep for 19 hours a day. They are beautiful animals. The day after Sean and I drove to the beach and just by chance when we looking out to sea I spotted 4 dolphin fins, I was that excited and jumping up and down that much I gave myself a headache.
We very nearly got cut of by the sea but luckily we didn't. Sean said we'd be OK and we could've climbed the cliff .... my response was "not in my pretty converse shoes, NO way" so we had to run back across the rocks and sea to get back to dry land. But we saw dolphins so that was worth nearly getting stranded for.
On Saturday we took a boat trip out and saw WHALES, seals and more dolphins (and blimey they are fast little things)
The whales were incredible and I'm still in awe of seeing them. There were 4 all together.
Unfortunately Sean and Charlotte were erm lets just say a little bit green. But never fear I did my good wifey / mum duties and saw them go below deck and let the lady on the tour look after them (There was no way I'm missing out on seeing whales)
I did go down once and check on them, saw they were both yup still green and quickly scarpered back on top deck. (I had to check Ob wasn't trying to dive overboard)
It was an extremely rocky ride and even though we all took anti sickness they just didn't help Sean and Charlotte. Sean said he'd have been OK if they let him control the boat, hmmm not sure everyone else would've been OK though.
Now exciting news..... there are NO snakes in my garden. OK maybe not exciting for you lot but it is for me, I'm beginning to turn into Will Smith again and getting freaked out by every little thing. Sigh
We took the plunge and bought a mower yesterday as surprise surprise the grass keeps growing. We asked Ob to go out there first and wiggle a stick in the grass to check there were no naughty things hiding but he said he didn't have one and didn't fancy putting his hand in the grass instead. (He's so not a team player)
So I was feeling brave and decided I would do it, BUT ..... as soon as I got outside I was freaked out, there's a dead bird on the decking under my patio table. Now am I right in thinking if you find a dead bird its some sort of curse or bad luck (all curses are bad luck aren't they? They were in Pirates of the Caribbean so therefore must be true? Please discuss and let me know)
Any how, I don't want to move dead bird for fear of jinxing the curse (if there is one). So the poor thing is still there. I guess it proves there are no snakes as well as it wouldn't have been left on my decking would it. But why is it under my table.
I also checked under the decking for snakes and there are none there. Now I know you're all saying it's winter and snakes are all hibernating BUT..... the person on the boat doing all the commentating said they don't normally see whales in August but we did. So anything is possible .... right?
After not being able to get the outdoor switches to work and having a diva fit, I had to ask Sean to help me, and that's when I saw my chance as really I was feeling quite frightened about mowing as the grass could've been hiding a small tribe of goodness knows what.
So I asked him if he'd stand outside while I mowed just to be on the safe side.
To cut a long story short he ended up doing it and we found NOTHING. Yay.
To cut a long story short he ended up doing it and we found NOTHING. Yay.
The wind whistling through my single pane windows sound like the philharmonic orchestra. Only I can't quite name that tune. Sigh.
Ooooo I thought of another line I'm saying as I'm trying to fit in with the natives.. 'I'm cranky'. well I'm not because I've just had my Berroca but I will be if the orchestra doesn't change its tune soon. 
I think that's all for today folks. Have to pop to town now.
Hope you all have a good week.
Tuesday, 22 September 2015
No sarcasm here at all....
Hi kids.
Thought I would type this letter as it's probably easier to read.
Firstly thank you for stopping to read this, maybe you haven't actually even stopped to read it. I'm sorry I've interrupted your time as I know you are both very busy people with all that you do.
I really just wanted to say how much I appreciate you for letting me do so much for you.
I loved getting up at 6.30 yesterday morning to make your lunches for school / college. Because I've seen how very busy you are having to watch YouTube whilst trying to struggle to eat breakfast, if you'd like me to maybe next time make your breakfast as well please let me know it's not a problem. I see how long it takes to straighten your hair and put your make up on, I should really spend more time doing mine but you see that would involve me doing less for you which we don't want. Please don't thank me either because it's really my pleasure.
You were both very ingenious watching me hoover your bedrooms and the whole house yesterday. It's my way of showing not how it's done but really that I like to be watched - just to make sure I'm doing it right.
It was a shame to hoover up your finger nails Owen because they looked so pretty on the floor. Charlotte yes you did offer and actually hoover one half of your bedroom to which I'm very sorry you had to do that as I know you're very busy.
It was really nice to wash the floor to then have it walked over by you Owen with your school shoes on as you were clearly demonstrating that I had missed bits, so thank you for showing me that.
Thank you also for letting me do all your washing, the joy I get from smelling clothes thrown on the floor makes my day, if you want to do it more often it's no problem I clearly have the time to do it and you don't.
I really do love spending the majority of the day willing it to be home time so I can come home and bake you nice things, get the washing in from outside that I hung out in the morning because I know how busy you are. I love having to think of lots of different meals that I can cook for you. It makes my night when we are sat around the table and you leave most of what I've put on there, because you are showing me I must make better food and think harder about what I'm making.
I'm sorry that I have to go to Sydney for 5 days with work as I won't be able to do anything for you but don't you worry Saturday evening I'll be back and already I'm looking forward to doing it all.
Don't you worry about dad either having to work 12 / 14 hour days after all its our pleasure. As long as you get everything you ask for and everything done for you. We really don't mind.
Thank you kids for letting us do so much for you.
Thought I would type this letter as it's probably easier to read.
Firstly thank you for stopping to read this, maybe you haven't actually even stopped to read it. I'm sorry I've interrupted your time as I know you are both very busy people with all that you do.
I really just wanted to say how much I appreciate you for letting me do so much for you.
I loved getting up at 6.30 yesterday morning to make your lunches for school / college. Because I've seen how very busy you are having to watch YouTube whilst trying to struggle to eat breakfast, if you'd like me to maybe next time make your breakfast as well please let me know it's not a problem. I see how long it takes to straighten your hair and put your make up on, I should really spend more time doing mine but you see that would involve me doing less for you which we don't want. Please don't thank me either because it's really my pleasure.
You were both very ingenious watching me hoover your bedrooms and the whole house yesterday. It's my way of showing not how it's done but really that I like to be watched - just to make sure I'm doing it right.
It was a shame to hoover up your finger nails Owen because they looked so pretty on the floor. Charlotte yes you did offer and actually hoover one half of your bedroom to which I'm very sorry you had to do that as I know you're very busy.
It was really nice to wash the floor to then have it walked over by you Owen with your school shoes on as you were clearly demonstrating that I had missed bits, so thank you for showing me that.
Thank you also for letting me do all your washing, the joy I get from smelling clothes thrown on the floor makes my day, if you want to do it more often it's no problem I clearly have the time to do it and you don't.
I really do love spending the majority of the day willing it to be home time so I can come home and bake you nice things, get the washing in from outside that I hung out in the morning because I know how busy you are. I love having to think of lots of different meals that I can cook for you. It makes my night when we are sat around the table and you leave most of what I've put on there, because you are showing me I must make better food and think harder about what I'm making.
I'm sorry that I have to go to Sydney for 5 days with work as I won't be able to do anything for you but don't you worry Saturday evening I'll be back and already I'm looking forward to doing it all.
Don't you worry about dad either having to work 12 / 14 hour days after all its our pleasure. As long as you get everything you ask for and everything done for you. We really don't mind.
Thank you kids for letting us do so much for you.
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Bullet dodging
I'm currently sat on a log - yes I am actually sat on a log in the day time and I'm under a tree and dare I say not freaking out.
Of course I'm scanning for scaries and I've just flicked an ant the size of a small cat off me but so far all is good.
I'm at the pump track with Ob. There's 3 little bits to it and yes you can probably guess it, when we arrived it was empty, now every lady, dog, child on a wooden trike thing that I'm not sure even has round wheels as all he's doing is screaming and throwing himself on the floor, has joined us. There is a lady on the track with her lovely Pendleton looking bike with baskets rear and front shouting loudly about how much fun this is and how we should all look at her.
Hmm special comes to mind.
So, yesterday Ob asks if I'd like to go on a bike ride (he has a new bike with ...... brakes!!!! To say he's chuffed is an understatement not just because the bike has brakes but it has suspension and everything, I know this because the whole hour we were out he talked about NOTHING else) Anyway....
Ob took me on this ride that I would say is maybe the cousin equivalent to Stromlo 
.
Him on his new (with brakes and suspension) and me pootling behind. He assured me he knew where he was going (he did the ride the day before with Sean.
All was good, he took me up these hills that were like Everest, him way out in front and me gasping for breath behind. But all good. We came across a black lizard and after a 5 minute debate on what we should do the lizard clearly annoyed with the fact we didn't just pass, mooched off on its own accord. (Google then confirmed yes it was a black lizard) phew. Thanks again Google.
I then get asked do I want to continue or go home, I pleaded home.
So down we go. Jeeze it was quick, the bike was rattling I was rattling. Ob NO where in sight. Until we eventually meet up. Carry our bikes over 6 logs, I guess Aussie equivalent of our cattle grids? I felt like I was training for tough mudder or something.
I then ask Ob if he still knows where we're going because we didn't come this way to start with. He assured me he did. So after hauling our bikes over these logs and then barb wire oh and climbing over the barb wire ourselves I ask again. "Do you actually know where we're going"
"Yes mum of course I do....... I think its this way" Still gasping for breath I decide to trust him.
So now he tells me we are in Mulligans Flat which I know bikes are only allowed on 2 tracks, (its a nature reserve so bikes are restricted but hikers are welcome to go pretty much anywhere) we've been on both tracks and the one we were on yesterday wasn't one of them so I had my suspicions that Ob didn't actually know where we were going.
We then come across a very angry BIG roo I would say about 5 feet away. "It's OK" Ob says "he's behind the fence"
Oh yes Ob .... the 3 foot fence..The blummin roo bends down and looks like the right leg is going to start kicking at the ground to get some speed up.
Me screeching to Ob "you do know they can jump don't you"
He just laughs and cycles off,
With one eye on the roo and one eye seeing in what direction Ob has cycled off in I follow.....
We come to a gate...... with a lovely big sign saying "No access to Mulligans on these dates 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th of ........ APRIL. Between 6am and 6pm. Due to rabbit culling and the use of shot guns is highly likely" personally I'd say most definitely likely wouldn't you?? 
We now have 2 choices to go back the way we shouldn't be or to go on the way we shouldn't be. Either way we SHOULD NOT be in Mulligans. Sigh.
We agreed to go on, there was at this point NO paths just forest, trees, twigs disguised as snakes, stumps disguised as roos ready to pounce and punch and leaves disguised as scaries. NOT good for me and my bone rattling bike (which I only found out today that my suspension was turned off hence why so rattly, blame Sean for that one, he rode it last coming home from work... took him 2 hours, thats another story though) Ob was in great amusement when he saw the suspension was off. Glad I have my uses I guess.
Anyway.... so, we're on no track like I said and we come across 7 roos, all equally as annoyed at seeing us as I am to be lost in Mulligans. Both bikes skid to stop, I'm hoping a scary doesn't run over my flip flops (see how equipped I was!) and then Ob says 'It's ok the closer you get they'll freak out and run" and yes they did .... in every direction and across our path, its a wonder there wasn't a pile up between us and then. The expression rabbits in headlights most definitely was in full force yesterday. I am by now literally screaming at Ob 'Have you any idea where we are'
He simply sighs and says 'yes its just over there'
So not only am I now dodging roo's, scaries, twigs, snakes AND lizards I am now dodging bullets (not that we heard any but thats not the point)
I'm having to duck under trees around trees, over trees just to get out, Ob is having the time of his life (he has brakes and suspension now!!) We find the gate that leads to the actual bike track, haul our bikes over (well I haul them while Ob grumbles that I just knocked the TYRE on the gate.
I point out the sign to him again and all I get from him is "oh"
So we're lucky to be alive, I think. He then asked if I want to do it again tomorrow.
You can guess my reply. Double sigh.
Oh and is it ever good in an interview when the guy comes back hands you your license and says "now theres a photo you don't want sharing around'
Hmmmm. Thanks for that.
Monday, 31 August 2015
Maddi now known as Barry
I've just got back from Fat Burning class, it was my favourite instructor taking it, cocktail dress lady. Remember her?! After having a quick emergency drive to IKEA to give Sean his glasses (more on that later) and after a very eventful trip to Costco fuel station (I have avoided it like the plague since the first and last incident, of course you all remember that don't you?!) The fuel is only $1.37 there for the sooper dooper stuff we have to put in the civic which is cheaper than at Woollies where it's $1.47. I actually don't care or mind how much it is because I know it's a lot cheaper than you guys are paying (hehehe)
Back to the fat burner story.... I rock up (after driving to the wrong car park... and yes it's easy to do as I came in a different way after seeing Sean) parked up, swiped in, which of course my card has to be the only one that doesn't swipe normally, the girls at the desk always have trouble with mine, typically.
Get in to class dump Jack at the back and quickly check time and any emails.
Drop phone back in to Jack and eye up my competition...... only there seems to be some mistake..... I am the one of only 3 ladies under 50. Now I was tempted to ask a lady if this was for over 50's but felt that may result in a black eye to me. So I was debating asking at the reception but then cocktail dress lady came in and I thought I'd stay regardless because her classes are so much fun. She asked the usual questions except the one I was hoping for "everyone over 50" as she didn't ask it I decided it must be for us young-un's too.
It was brilliant and I will definitely go back again just for the comedy value. Although like Sh'bam I'm sure if we were in public gyrating and shimmying things I don't normally shimmy in class we would get arrested.
We were doing karate kicks and we had to be vocal and 'release our voices' so picture a class off over 50's plus me and 2 others at 30 years old (wink wink) kicking while shouting "aggh and huhh' Very funny.
Home now and am listening to heart radio, which is funny because I'm hearing all the English adverts ... if anyone needs a new sofa DFS have got a sale on, but then when haven't they. Oh and there's a deal on at Sainsburys but I missed what for but may be worth a trip anyway? Sigh, I do miss Sainsburys. But I have Woolies, Coles and Aldi so what more can a girl ask for. Oh and if you ever come to visit and are looking for fresh noodles guess where they are...... all together now.... BY THE FRUIT. Of course they are. Double sigh.
Back to the glasses story. Which I'm going to try and keep short.
Sean had an opticians appointment a few weeks ago which resulted in him and the optician being quite honestly gobsmacked and dumbfounded. Basically the sight in his left eye is SO bad the optician thought he'd had some trauma to his head. Apart from the occasional smack from me he's not had anything serious. He couldn't read any of the letters on the board. So after being told he's an epic fail (the optician may NOT have been so blunt but I was reading between the lines so to speak) Sean is now the proud owner of some very swish glasses which in his words "make everything look like HD". The crux's of this appointment also resulted in all 3 of us being called in to be marked. Ob and I passed (although there's something weird going on in the back of my eyes but I feel that's more just the cotton wool fluffing around not anything serious. But poor Charlotte like Sean was an epic fail. In her right eye. So she is the proud owner too of some yummy glasses. (not even going to try and explain how the costing and pricing works here, because quite frankly I have no idea. I told the lady at the till my favourite phrase "I'm English so not sure how this works. That's the key to a lot of things as you know)
How many of you have been for an eye test .... hands up, right next question how long did it take? Maybe 20 minutes, 30 minutes at the absolute top? Erm, we were in there for 3 hours. YES 3 HOURS.
He liked to chat let me tell you. I know all about him and his family, he's from Yorkshire, one of 3, married with 2 boys 11 and 7, mother is in a respite home, father died this year, owned a Specsavers in England... and because he liked my accent so much (yes really an English man noticed my English accent, yay) he offered me a job in his swanky new office in Manuka (where we stayed when we landed) he said he'd train me as an optical illusionist (may have said assistant but I like illusionist better) I did explain that I had a job but he was quite insistent after asking me several more times am I sure Charlotte and Sean have had no trauma to their head. Maybe he was accusing me, hmm.
So we left it that I would think about it and he would get his wife to call me and we'd meet up for a coffee. Luckily she hasn't yet.
I may have to wear a disguise when I pick up Charlotte's glasses.
Now you're all probably asking why I didn't take the job when as you know mine is so rubbish... the reason is I QUIT!! Not so true Maddi diva style but still pretty good.
I told the manager as politely as I could how bad it was and he sat there AND agreed. So that says a lot doesn't it.
That was last week, this week I'm free and enjoying pottering around and going to Fat Burner because next week I start with ......
IKEA.
I'm in the bedroom department, I believe pillow fluffing. Sean says differently but what does he know. I have 4 weeks of training 2 of which are in Sydney which are causing quite a lot of panic for me. How will I get all my stuff in a hand held suitcase? Please discuss and give me answers. More importantly how will I do my classes. SOB. I don't like Sean's response to my question "do I have to pay attention" he told me "Yes Mad of course you do" hmm and sigh.
I want to just pillow fluff and practice my dancing.
Besides what does he know.
Another thing to panic about .... I have to wear steel toe capped shoes. They are NOT allowed to pink, nor are they allowed to be open toed as in the style of flip flops NOR are they allowed to have a heel. Sigh and double sob. I have to wear bright yellow, and when asked if I could just wear the V neck jumper I was told no. These Ikea lot are mean aren't they.
I can however wear jewellery and paint my nails so that's OK. As part of the whole recruitment process (No I wasn't just handed the job had to go through the same hoops as everyone else) at the last interview I noticed they had the picture of me that I had to hand in at the beginning of the recruitment, the one they said would be destroyed. As I caught sight of it I shrieked "oh my god that picture is terrible, I was at the rocky horror show, I don't normally dress like that" did cause them to giggle but not as much as when I told them in my previous role how I would walk in to the wrong patient's house and not only do it once and learn, Oh no it was a regular occurrence. Wrong house, wrong area and even wrong sex of patient.
It's a wonder how I got the job actually! I think it was in the group exercise when I totally took over and solved every one's storage problem (Not that I've studied Ikea's catalogue..... MUCH) Wanna hear what my problem was?......... How to display ALL my shoes ... hehehehe. That certainly raised a few eyebrows and gave the table something to talk about. I think at that part of the interview I was that annoying person that always has to talk. You know the one, there is always that ONE annoying person. I was crook then as well and loosing my voice so they were lucky I was able to show how awesome I am.
People still can't understand my accent NOR my name. When ringing up for take away last week and gave my name Maddi I was asked is that Maddi with an L. An L I shrieked, my name is MADDI. M A D D I.
I have had this several times and Sean says I over pronounce it, so when the delivery driver came to the door just now and asked for my name to put in his little black box thing, you know the one when you sign your name it looks like it was done by a 3 year old. Or is that just mine? I said Barry, he passed me the box and said Thanks CARRIE. Seriously, I never had a problem of being understood or heard in England what's going on. Grrrr.
Other news in brief... latest injury to Sean is his ankle, ribs are heeled, still a little bit sore but now it's the ankle. Charlotte had a hair cut and was traumatised by it as they cut all of 3 inches of. Called me in tears saying it was so short and sent me a picture I couldn't tell... still can't (at least she didn't end up with a bouffant and a 3 year old fringe) Ob is cool and is working out like a trooper and getting some guns which he's chuffed to bits about. Me... well, no change still day dreaming and still no real idea at the gym. Suits me.
Life is cool and it's the first day of Spring today which is awesome. We didn't have the hair drier heat on last night so that's a start. We were sat huddled under blankets and dressing gowns but still it's a start.
Last thing to make you chuckle, when txn one of the lovelies at hehe my old work she told me she was going to Max, so I asked what that was and she said Max Brenner (www.maxbrenner.com.au)
I told her "Ive only been once and I didn't have anything I just got the kids summat"
I told her "Ive only been once and I didn't have anything I just got the kids summat"
Her quick reply was "Ooo I haven't tried that what is it"
I'm still laughing now. After I explained i just got told "You're such a foreigner!!!"
Off to sit in the sun now
Maddi the American
Good evening peeps.
Have just got back from burlesque so thought I'd take 5 minutes to say hi and to check you're all OK?
As you know people are here are struggling with my accent, to the point where now I'm known as "That girl there is American" more on that in a bit.
This week I answered the phone at work said the usual spiel, to which the response was "Oh hi, it's Amy" "Hi Amy you OK?' I reply.
"Yeah I'm good thanks, how are you" Amy asks. "Erm good thanks" Me now wondering what does Amy want,
Then I get asked "What Maddi is this?" "Erm, English Maddi, isn't my accent a give away" getting slightly irritated now. "Oh no, I didn't want you. I wanted the other Mady, I couldn't tell which one you were when you answered'. I get told.
So I told Amy AGAIN, "I'm the English one, the English one, the only ENGLISH one in the building" then put the phone down and grumbled.
Have I told you about the Australian Mady that I work with? She's cool, (of course with a name like that who wouldn't be) Anyway the story goes on. She was off this Monday and Tuesday. So I went to the patients she normally sees.....
First person I see looks at my name badge, looks at me then looks at my name badge again and then tells me 'You're wearing Mady's badge' so I tell him 'No, I'm a Maddi as well' he replies "No you're not, you're from America and she's from Australia, she's called Mady, you've got her name badge on' No matter how many times I tried to convince him I wasn't trying to impersonate her and I'm not American he was not having a bar of it and kept a suspicious looking eye on me all shift.
He was the the one that told his whole dining table 'that's the one, that's the girl from America'
One actually asked me why I had an English accent if I was from America. He also was not convinced when I said I was English, I just got the usual raised eyebrows and hmmm nod.
After seeing to this person I then went on to someone else who also eyed my badge with great suspicion and told me also that 'you're wearing Mady's badge' Can I now point out Mady not only being Australian is shorter than me and has very very short hair, totally different to the bouffant I support and plus I'm now 5'6" where as she is just 5'. So easy to tell apart, yes?
I tell this lady that my name is also Maddi and that the other Mady is off, she again looks at me with a great caution and then shakes her head and tells me quite curtly 'YOU are wearing Mady's badge'
I give up. Grrrr and sigh
So I can now add to the accent list that I'm American, oh and also I may not even have my own identity anymore. Hmmmm.
These people did also NOT believe me when I said I had worked there for 3 months and yes they had seen me before.
It's enough to send you crackers 
Signing off now as the frost bite is starting to come back and I'm loosing the ability to type.
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